Impossible school love (part 1)

Lonely Penny

I was silently sits on my chair, writing on my sheets on paper while the teacher was talking about the Geographic Region of Montreal. I look at my right hand, which was holding my pencil; on my hand, I have wrote "depression hurts but it's the only thing that keeps me alive until you love me <//3" in black, blue and red pen, with some sad faces. It was true, after all…

I just see myself like a tall teenage girl with very short red/blond hairs, shaved on one side with a long fringe that hides my left eye and my forehead covered with small scars; a scary white face who always seems unhappy; two brown eyes always full of water, like if I could cry to every single words; a really good pair of boobs, that every perverts likes; a little round belly because of my few small extra pounds and two fat laps. But some guys and girls think I'm cute with my rosy cheeks and my big eyes; and even if we have a uniform (a polo with a jeans and if you want a sweater), they think it suits me very well. But I don't think so, I found myself ugly as shit and fat, useless and down deep inside. I'm nothing. I've shouldn't have been born at all.

When I look at him, I saw a beautiful guy with the same hairs as mine, but they're black and a bit more short; a beautiful white face with two forest green eyes; two skinny cheeks; rosy lips than I just want to kiss so badly, especially when he smiles… He's tall, like 2 or 3 cm higher than me; he is skinny but powerful, he loves video games but he also likes to walks outside and hanging out his friends… He's cute with his black polo a bit too large, his sweater that just fits him very well, his "baggy" grey jeans and his black and white Nikes. He's the guy I love, the guy who makes me smile in class when I discretely look at him. His name his Esteban and I'm deeply in love with him.

But…

I look at her after, Emilie. Emilie is tall too; she has long and light brown hairs; two beautiful grey eyes always surrounded by black makeup to make them be even more beautiful; she does not really have boobs, but she have a little bit; she has a pair of pulpy and rosy lips; two fat cheeks covered by little buttons (we're teenagers, bro) and she's not too skinny, not to fat. For me, she's perfect. Emilie is not shy, she's out going; Emilie is not silent, she loves to talk and laugh; Emilie is not a "nerdy little reader", she's a really "TALKING-TO-MUCH" person… She's so perfect; that's also why she is Esteban's girlfriend. I suddenly remember when somebody have heard that I somehow love Esteban, and, in Physical Education, while we're playing soccer, a girl started to scream; "Esteban! Esteban! Penelope loves you!" And then, the whole class look at me strangely, and starting to laugh or giggles. I was so embarrassed that I ran away quickly and didn't come back after.

"Penelope!" The teacher suddenly screams. "Stay focus!" I nod, and starting to write before the bell rang.

I got up and take my books with me, walking shyly between all of the peeps in the corridors. I go downstairs to put my stuff into my locker and some people gave me a strange look or laughing, whispering in each other ears. I did nothing, just as I always did, open my locker before trowing my things inside. When people stopped looking at me, I look at Esteban and feel water inside my eyes; he was smiling with Emilie, before kissing her tenderly. I shook my head and put my stuff in my schoolbag; I have take the decision that I'm not going to go to school for the rest of the day. I started to walk away, after every door was locked. Then, I put a hand in my pocket and sighed.

I have again forgotten my fucking keys.

[TO BE CONTINUED]