Chances

Mohamad Hidayat Bacho Muhd

The girl that I thought that would fill my heart has crushed every bit of my feelings..she lied to me but perhaps I ‘ll tell you guys the story….it began when I was in high school. She was 15 and I was 14.She was cute, funny and nice. Every quality of a suitable girlfriend for me. We were in the same school but in different class since she was 1 year older than me. The only chance I can see her or talk to her would be during co-curriculum. We were in the same unit. I’ was her assistant and she was my boss not the supreme boss.
Anyway my love grows each passing day. Whenever we meet, I would make some jokes and share good stories and every time she seemed to enjoy it. Sometimes when she had free time on her hands she would invite me to grab some lunch together. At the end of the school year, she would be having a big exam called PMR. By the looking at her face I could tell that she was definitely stressed about her exams. She worried whether she will fail or she can be successful as her sister? She worried about whether she will she get into science stream class and so many other issues that hinges on her making good grades.

I tried to console her by saying that if she was to study hard and continue to pray, I believe God will answer to her prayer. She just smiled and I think the words of encouragement has lifted her burden slightly. I thought I would like to reveal my true feeling towards then but some of my friends told me that it wasn’t a good time to confess at that time. My friends told me to wait for next year when she completed her big exams. After the exams, she would have many free time to do whatever she wanted to. So I waited next year to confess my feeling towards her.

After the year 2012 ended it was time for me to shine. I went back to school and I saw her running towards me and screaming that she get straight A’s. She has been awarded with cash rewards and a special recognition certificate by our principal together with others who manage to get straight A’s in the PMR. I felt so happy for her. However, when I wanted to confess of my feelings to her…my tongue seemed to be tied and twisted and my brain went blank and unable to make any sentence nor I want to get screwed up.

I wish I could just say “Hey, Z. I wanted to tell you that I’ was in in love with you since last year. Would you accept me as your boyfriend?” but I didn’t do it.

Month after month, I missed my chances to confess to her on how really felt about her. I felt so hopeless in this never ending loop but I continue to keep my spirit up by telling myself that one day there’ll be a chance and I will be able to do so.
The chance that I was saying came during a school activity camp called Helping Hand. I knew that it was weird to have a camp with such name but that was the purpose of the camp. Anyway the girl that like was also there but as one of the AJK and I was merely a participator. She laughed and smiled during the water activity session.

Then out of sudden one of her best friend started making friend with me. I felt awkward so I asked her of her intention of making me as her friend. She smiled and told me that she was in love with my friend and she needed my help to pass a letter to him and in exchange she will help me to connect with the girl that I love. We make a deal and she asked me to swear that we will never tell anyone else except for the ones that we love.

Little did I know that the AGM was coming soon and our old president was going to retire from our unit together with other fellow committee members. After the camp was over our country was having a “Merdeka” day. So we have 1 day of holiday. I did not have any specific plan or know what to do during the 1 day holiday except for studying. After the school finished and I was my way home when I accidently met her. We started chatting and she asked me how was my day and other the usual the things. We both had the same problem that was, we just didn’t know what to do over the one day holiday. Suddenly I remembered about a new movie that was coming out in the cinema and it was called Ouija. I asked her whether she wanted to go to cinema and watched the movie together. She agreed but she didn’t want only the two of us going as she got easily nervous and scared when watching horror movie. She told me that she will be bringing her best friend. Then I suddenly remembered that I need to tell my friend that my girl’s best friend is into him. After that we decided the time and the place to meet. I went straight home feeling happy and how lucky I am. I called my friend and told him everything. He was shocked at first but at the end he told me that he also was into her..then I told tomorrow will be your lucky day.

On the next day we meet and the entrance of the movie..i was excited that I’m goanna watch movie with her. After some gruesome movie..we walked separate ways..i still didn’t even talk my feeling towards her but still I haven’t regret it yet. Little did I know that her bestfriend already told everything towards her. 4 weeks after the 1holiday our AGM is about start on Thursday..i saw her very busy with it so I don’t have anytime to talk to her within those weeks. Finally the day of AGM have finally arrive..i was happy and sad during that day.. seeing my old boss to retired and his co-worker and its time for us to replace them..i manage to as an assistant secretary while the girl that I liked became a secretary..after the AGM had finished the girl that I liked called and said that this is personal..i look straight into her best friend face..i could tell from her lips saying good luck to me. My hands shaking,mind blocked,mouth starting to stutter..when we arrived at ‘loteng’ our conversation stated like this. H is for the guy and Z is for the girl anyway lets continue ? ‘H tell me the truth, do you like me as in you love me? And I replied “err I eerr maybe’Z” She replied me back as she holds my left shoulder “aww H I never know that you were in love with me but I’m sorry H you were too late for telling me this I have someone else already to be my boyfriend I’m sorry H” Then she kissed my cheeks and told me good luck on my PMR and left. I felt water prowling down my cheeks.. heartbroken,regret everything because I’ve missed my chances and keeping thinking she was in relationship but actually she was single! Then I felt a pat from my back…it was my friend Rex he saw everything..he lifted me up and give some inspiring words.. and we walk home p.s he is lives within my neighbourhood after the incident have passed my focus all mind and strength,forgetting all about her,our happy moments,the day that she knows I liked her almost everything I forgot..i’m ready on my exam in which I get 6A & 1B..and I didn’t talk that much anymore with I feel theres a gap between us..i guess my luck was not to be her boyfriend..