First Time Gone Forever

Elizabeth

When your parents and everyone tells you to wait until you are married to have sex, you should listen. I wish so desperately that I could take it back. When you have sex at a young age and then it doesn't work out, you feel devastated and crushed. There are no words to describe the pain and hurt I went through. But I am going to tell my story, and I hope maybe that one person who reads this will wait.

It was a few months into my sophomore year in high school and I was 16 years old. Everything was going really well and I had a lot of friends. I was in the choir this year and the choir and band was taking a trip to Nevada in December. Everyone was really excited, including me. A few days before our Christmas break, my really good friend at the time told me she was talking to a junior guy. I was really anxious to hear who it was, but I was astounded to hear it was a guy with a girlfriend, in our grade. I knew that the whole situation was horrible. This guy and his girlfriend were going to be together 1 year in just a few days. I told my friend that is was not a good idea at all. She told me that she had been sneaking out in the halls with him, and kissing him. I felt heartbroken for his girlfriend. I knew I had to tell someone.

2 days before Christmas break I told my other friend (who was really good friends with the guys girlfriend) that he was cheating. She said that she would tell the girl, but not mention my name. She told her and the girl cried and cried, it was horrible. She ended up going to the office and having a discussion with my friend about what was going on with her boyfriend. My friend told her everything and the girl broke up with him. My friend continued to talk to him and said that everything was going well.

My friend and I went on the Nevada trip, as she was also in the choir. After about the first 3 days of the trip, she told me that the guy had stopped texting her out of the blue. She also said that he had blocked her on social media. She wanted me to get in contact with him, and see what was going on and why he wasn't talking to her. I left a comment on his Instagram and he replied right away. We started texting and he immediately started flirting with me. He was a really cute guy and it was hard not to flirt back. I told my friend that he never responded to me. I kept talking the entire trip with him. I knew it was wrong lying to my friend.

I talked to him the entire time and we started to like each other. We had never talked in person before, and I only saw him in the hallways. So when he said he liked me it was a big surprise. I went along with it and said I liked him to, which I was actually starting to. We talked on the phone whenever I was on the bus traveling. We liked the sound of each other's voices. We made plans that the day I would be back we would hang out. We talked about what would happen when we hung out. He told me that he was a virgin, and had only kissed and made out with his last girlfriend. I told him that I was also a virgin and had only had my first kiss less than a year ago. He asked if we would have sex, and at first I was very surprised and said no, but then somehow it seemed okay. I told him that if we got along when we hung out, we could. He asked me if he could pick me up from the airport but I told him that my mom was going to. He said that he would be at my house after I got home. The roads were really icy and snowy so it took my mom a while to get us home.

When we finally got home, he was already in the driveway waiting for me. We went inside and I introduced him to my mom and sister. He was very polite and my mom said that he was cute. We ended up watching a movie while my mom and sister were at the other end of the house. We started kissing and he asked if I want to do it with him. I told him yes and told my mom we were going to the basement to "get a bottle of water". We ended up sitting on the couch in the basement and we started taking each others clothing off. It was both our first time. We ended up doing it twice and then going back upstairs. He told me that he had to get home because the roads were getting back and his parents wanted him home. We said goodbye and he left.

I texted him and told him that I hoped him got home safely. He texted me about an hour later and said that his parents were taking his phone and they wanted him to get back with his ex girlfriend. I read the text in utter disbelief. I was heartbroken. I didn't understand how or why this was happening. He just left my house after we.... I couldn't put into words the way I felt. I tried texting him but he blocked my number and also blocked my on social media, just as he had done my friend.

I went back to school after Christmas break and he didn't even look at me when I walked by him. I ended up leaving school everyday almost in tears. I felt horrible about what happened and how I was being treated. After school one day I was at the doctors office and I got a text from him saying hey and asking how I was, like nothing was wrong. I asked him why he was texting me now and he said that his parents had actually taken his phone away and he told them that he wanted to be with me. He asked if he could pick me up in the morning, before school and we could "do stuff" in his car. I said okay and I honestly don't know why I said yes. He picked me up and we did, and then he wanted to take me home from school, which then we also did.

I don't know why I was thinking this time would be any different, but sure enough he told me that he couldn't talk anymore. Again that terrible feeling came over me, but this time, 1 million times worse. I cried and cried for days on end. I was crying so much one night that my mom came in because she heard me, and she asked what was wrong. I sobbed and she just held me. I couldn't even say it. The words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I told her that I did something so horrible. Finally, I found the words to say it. She just looked at me and started crying. She asked me what had I been thinking. I told her I didn't know and I was so sorry. I could not stop crying. She told me that we would talk about it in the morning and she held me until I fell asleep.

The next morning my mom and I talked about it. She asked if we had used protection and I said no. I've never seen my mom look the way she did at me. She looked so disappointed and upset. I kept crying and saying I was so sorry. She said that she loved me no matter what. I made a mistake and even though that mistake was so horrible, she would always love me.

When someone loves you they will never leave. They will never be mad at you for very long. They will be there in the middle of the night and hold you until you want to talk about it. I gave something that was so important and special to someone that didn't love me. Now I can't give that special part of me to the guy I actually love. Never rush into something because you can get your heart ripped out of your chest. Even if you don't you can still get hurt, but when you are with someone you love, they will always be there to help you when you do. I still think about what happened almost every single day. Seeing him at school now with another girl still hurts. But I know that I'm going to find someone.. a lot later in life.. who I love and want to be with.