Missed opportunity

Jacob R

Today is December 23rd 2014, and I have finally broken.

November 15th 2014, Science day at a local university. I arrived on my own gathered my things, got my schedule and sat down in the assembly hall, not thinking that today would be the day I met the girl who would haunt my thoughts for the rest of my miserable, lonely life. Opening excersizes were quick, they explained their color coordination system well and I understood where I was supposed to go, I had three classses that day. Each with a different color, you followed the trail with that same color of your class. My first class was a Human Anatomy class, labeled red. So I followed the red path leading to the red building and entered into the class... only it was the wrong class... I didnt realize that the color was actually pink, and in my defense... I was a really redish pink! It looked like a faded red! so I ended up in a class called "The Science of Rocks" .... not even joking... and they had already shut the door so it was too late to leave! "GREAT!" I thought I get to miss my Anatomy class, which I was really looking forward too... but then she came and sat next to me.

The most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my entire life. She had dark cherry brown hair, deep, dark and gorgeous brown eyes and a few subtle freckles on her nose, she had the cutest smile and the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen! I was super bored during the class and I couldn't help myself but keep looking over at her! And of course with my luck she caught me everytime but I guess I had a dumbstruck look on my face beause she giggled everytime she caught me, Eventually she scooted closer to me, maybe 1 or 2 inches away from me looked right into my eyes, I started to panic on the inside, and asked why I kept looking at her. I (still panicking by the way) said (without thinking due to overdose of panic) "because your the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life..." no words were spoken for a little while. she was amazed that I had just said that. I WAS AMAZED THAT I JUST SAID THAT!!! I turned away and pretended to pay attention when really I was trying not to hyperventilate!!! I just said that!! I was so embarrassed! I looked back at her and she was bright red, which only made her more cute! I turned red and looked away. She was silent for a while, I thought I had blown it. She scooted closer.... alarms and bells were going off in my head and red flags were being waved and there was a whole hell lots of mental screaming. her shoulder was pressed against mine, "Well thank you!" she said, "So your interested in Rocks?" "No not really" I said, " I'm just not very smart and walked into the wrong classroom" she laughed and said with a smile "well im glad you did".


I felt on top of the world! we flirted and laughed and sat really close for the rest of the class, but when it was over I was so sad! I thought now I wont ever see her again! but I looked at her schedule and noticed that we had the same class next!! I was extatic! we walked and talked to our next class. We talked and flirted all through our next class also, but then the time came for us to part. I had another human sciences class and she had forensics, I was so tempted to leave my class and so talk to her, but I was a coward and didnt. Worst.... Decision.... EVER..... I didn't see her after class, I was so upset!!! It wasn't until closing ceremonies that I saw her again and talked to her some more, which is where she revealed that she was leaving early and had to go, so I walked her to the door and she was picked up by a friend who was also attending science day. It was in this moment that I knew I had a decision to make, I could let her go and know the true meaning of window pain, or I could get her name and number, tell her how I feel and tell her I want to see her again.

I never was very decisive... I chose to learn what window pain was. My life has been a mess ever since. She is in my dreams, she is in my mind, she is in my heart and I cant get her to leave. all I want to do is get over her, but even more so I want to see her beautiful face again, hear her adorable laugh one more time, listen to her soothing voice one last time. even if it was only for a minute. It only takes a minute to get a name. a number. a kiss. She tortures me on a daily occurance and she doesn't even know. My doctor has put me on severe anti deppression pills and constantly tells me suicide isn't the answer. He doesn't know what happened. He just said he was worried. He probably should be. I considered suicide but decided that, that indefinatley ruined my chances of ever seeing her again. She is what keeps me alive, while simultaneously is what makes me want to die.

So my advice to all is, learn from my mistake and recognize opportunity, attack opportunity and even if you get rejected you at least wont have any regrets which is the worst emotion mankind can know, because its a burritio surpreme of depression, anger, stress, longing, and hopelessness. trust me, i would have rather been rejected by this girl a million times over again rather than do what I did. or rather what I didn't do! love is dangerous. so treat it like it is. dont sit there and say "if i do nothing it wont hurt me" because your wrong! love is a fierce animal, it will attack you and leave you injured and bleeding for the rest of your life. So attack love. conquer love. and be happy and regret free!