i love you now, i always will

may

It all started five years ago, when i first met him. I was in grade eight and he was in grade seven. It was the first day of school, we both lived close to each other and took the same school bus to get to school and to go back. It wasn't excatly love at first sight, in fact it was more like we where just on same bus or i know that person but we aren't really friends. Soon it all changed.

I would see him everyday, not only because we took the same bus but in school too. We where just friends and at first i could never see myself liking. This friends thing went on for about a year. We later became best friends.

At the end of my grade nine, excatly the last day, i came out on the bus with my eyes full of tears. At my school, once grade nine is over everyone leaves to go somewhere else for highschool, and the last day of grade nine was painfull for all the grade nines. Before i got on the bus i was with my friends, we where giving hugs amd saying our goodbyes and we finally busrted out with tears as we where realising it would be the last time we would see most of the people we grew up. When i got on the bus everyone was staring at me, they wanted to see if i was ok, but none of them had the nerves, but he did, my best friends from forever ago sat beside and put his arm around me. He told to take three breaths and think about cute puppies, since i loves puppies. He whipped the tears off my face and conforted me until my stop. A few days later, i had this horrible feeling inside, so i called him. After that he talked to me almost everyday during summer.

Once summer was over and i came back to school everything was back to normal, except for the fact that most of my friends where gone. Life went on as ussual, when i realized that i might like him. But i kept telling myself no, he's my best friend, i can't like him, i won't risk losing a best friend either. The more i would think about, the more i thought he might like me. We would have conversation that last almost the whole day, and laugh so much.

One day we decided to truth or dare by text. We started off with silly questions, but then got into more serious things. He asked if i was stranded on an island who would i wanted to be stuck with, and i said him. Then i asked him what he think my best qualities are, but he never answered. After a few hours he finally answered and said, that i was very pretty and that i had a great smile and that he took such a long time since their where so many too choose from. Are game went on a while and it revealed a lot.

After a while, i was going crazy because i wanted to tell him i liked him but i didn't want to loose a best friend, but i didn't have too say anything. We where in the bus, is was pretty quiet and he was starring at me. I asked him why he was starring at me and he said because he was thinking of all the great times we had toghether then said i love you. I looked at him and assumed he said that as a friend. So, nothing happened after that but it was the end of the year, and i had no clue if he was changing schools or not. He finally told me, he was staying for high school which i was very happy about.

During summer, i was visting my mom in a different country, but even though we where miles away, we maneged to talk every minute of the day. At that point every morning when i woke up until at night when i turn off the lights he was on my mind. I was afraid though, i didn't wanna tell him i liked him and then he would say he only likes me as a friend and are friendship would get so awkward that it would just end.

School started again but not so well. Whithin the first week we got into a huge fight, it was so bad that i didn't see him or talk to him for a week, it got to a point where he wanted to apolize for what he did. His apoligie didn't go so well. We just kept yelling and yelling at each other non-stop when i finally said, 'i should have never stayed at this damn school, the only reason im still here is because of you, your the reason i stayed, i was so in love with you, but i regeret that choice', after that there was a moment of silence, and i ran away from him with tears going down my face. I didn't want to see his face ever again, i know he told me he loved me but i felted like he blaimed me for not wanting to go to the school of his choice. I wanted to believe he didn't mean any of it, it just came out. A few months later, he showed up at my door step. He told me excatly what i wanted to hear. He was sorry and he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he needs his best friend back.

A few years later, i was about to graduate, but while i was walking in the hall way i heard him talking to someone. He said, 'i love her but i shouldn't of stayed, this was a mistake'. I later confront him and told him that he didn't hae to stay because of me, so he can stop blamming me. He told me i miss heard him, but i know i didn't.

On my graduating day, he gave me a bear had a heart that said im sorry, i gave it back to him and told him that i forgive him but told him that i can't hold him back anymore, i told him to go do what he wants and that i will always be there waiting. He left with anger. As they where calling my name for the graduation, the police came and asked if they could speak to me. They handed me the bear that he gave me earlier, except this one was ripped, then they handed me a note, they told me he was in a car crash and didn't make and that the bear and the note where found in his arms. I went to the bathroom in tears and opened the letter, while holding the bear tight, it said:

Dear May,
Im sorry, for everything. I know you might think im blamming you for a lot but im not. I just thought that you didn't realize how much i gave up for you. The bear i gave you has a ring in it, i know we are young but we don't have to rush, i just want you to see i really love you. I loved you yesterday, i love still, i always have and i always will.

I looked in the bear and there it was behind the heart it was holding the ring. From that day on i put the wring on and never took it off. I always knew that i would end up loosing my best friend.