My Only Real Love "Andre"

Kadine Williams

In high school I always felt like a mis fit I didn't think I fit in anywhere I was always in the higher classes as my school ranked students by their grades.. I often look among my classmates and said to myself I didn't belong here anyways I learned to cope n tried to always be on top.. Which I often succeed to do up until 10th grade..

I was a shy, quiet and some may say weird girl I had few good friends and some associates anyways in the 10th grade I started changing I wore better hairstyles and uniform got tighter and short my school had rules and short shirts were not allowed.. The only reason I did all of this was to impress a boy named Kenny that boy had a real talent when it comes on to music.. I was obsessed at that time I called it love one of my friends also liked him.. I was still a virgin at that time and I wanted so badly to give it to him.. I had friends that knew his friends so I got his number we text and engaged in sexual talks we didn't speak at school but he would wink at me and I would smile because am so shy.. We text for sometime longer then he stop replying I told him I wanted to give him my most valuable possession and he said I'm going to regret it so he isn't gonna do it.. I was mad at that moment but I soon realize that he did the right thing..

11th grade was OK but I still had my virginity and wanted a boyfriend I get so jealous seeing couples they look so happy.. I am not ugly or anything intact a lot a guys want me but am very picky when it comes on to boys..

One morning I got stopped at my school gate for my inappropriate uniform and got sent home I didn't go home I chilled in a shop at my school gate for awhile I was there n I saw this nice looking young man stepped in I knew him he was one of my friends ex boyfriend and also a past graduate of my school His Name was Jermaine.. He looked at me and smiled he came beside me and took a sweet I had in my mouth n placed it in his.. In my mind I kept hearing stay away stay away, his girlfriend was a viscious girl she was not in my class but on my block she was in the lower class.. And his ex my friend so I know I should stay away.. And on top of that he was what u called a bad boy.. I tried resisting but I couldn't soon he had my full attention and was kissing me.. I kissed him back.. Whenever I got locked out of school I would hung with him..

One day he had me hide away from school and carried me to one of his friends house and we had sex well tried being a virgin an all it was hard for penetration but I never knew anything about sex so I said my virginity was broken which it wasn't.. I didn't c blood or anything but was inexperienced so I said yes it was.. After that things got downhill my friend found out we had an argument n he actually took her side as she was his first love I cried in my shower so no one could see.. Later down the road we talk back but this time I got in some argument with his gf and he said he couldn't talk to me anymore I asked if he loved me and he said "I can't love two people at one" my heart sank but I moved on..

He was my neighbour he was smart and handsome and at first seemed quiet.. I always saw him walking from school and wondered who he was.. Well one of my friends was staying with me so she got his number for me n we text like everyday and talk bout lots of things I thought I loved him so I invite him over one night when my mi was at work and we had sex it was so painful but also felt great.. He held up the comdom and said "you know there is blood on this right u sure you did this already" I just crawled into the bathroom n didn't know what to say but I knew he was really the one who took my virginity.. As time progressed after that less text or no reply at all.. Still saw him now and then because he and my lil bro plays football on Saturdays.. Things got worst and I just had to move on he said he couldn't be with me because he has a gf he loves but she is a virgin and she isn't ready so he does it with other persons I felt used.. After that I have few more rships and it didn't work out..

After I left high school I went in to party promotion s not a career just for fun went to a lot of parties and clubs.. I Started going To This specific club called "escape" that's Where I met "Andre" in fact he owned the club I was at the counter eating and he send one of his bartenders over to me she based what I wanted to drink I took a soda and after I finished he called me over and asked for my number I whispered it in his ears.. Wasn't really interested because he was a much older guy almost twice my age days went by he didn't call.. Thought he had forgot it I just said oh well.. Then one day I got a call from him we talked and he gave me advice about careers and he was so encouraging I started to like him.. He was a very busy man so we didn't speak often just now and then a few text or a small call.. He tops up my phone when I ask him to so I saw him as a gentleman.. Finally he invited me to his club on a Wednesday night we just sat and talked he asked if I was single and I said no and I asked if he was married and he said no.. Thank god.. When it was time to leave he game me some cash.. I was very elated as I am not financial blessed.. I went home and thought about him through the night I questioned myself "do you really think he wants a serious relationship with a girl like you?" I doubted myself tho.. He text me the other day inviting me to the club again on Friday.. Friday night was great I put on a show for him because he didn't know I could dance he was surprised and said he liked my style I was kinda drunk.. After the party I just got into his van and just let him drive where ever he wanted to go.. He took me to his home his home was beautiful, we had sex it was great.. In the morning he called the taxi gave me some more cash and I went home.. I wonder if would ever text me or call me back..

I heard Ntg from him for a few days then I got a text from him asking when he was going to see me again I told him Friday again and we kept seeing each other for awhile I thought something was developing but then I started to hear all sorts of things about him being a player and everything started to show itself.. We had a big argument in his club.. And I swore never to return he called the other day asking what happen and I cut him off.. I couldn't stay away so I went back we didn't talk as usual but didn't have anything against each other.. I saw him bring many women into the club more while I get jealous and drink until I was drunk and did all kinda things.. I never told him I love him but he knew n he used it at his disposal.. Whenever I did Sumn he didn't like he would flirt with my close friends..

I went back to him after that.. This was the last time we had sex and it was perfect well I was in the moment we made love in the back of his car.. Oh I loved that man so much he was my everything the reason for getting up the reason for smiling and he took my love for granted.. I don't know how he felt but he kissed me with passion and idk what to draw from that.. I miss him the real him because now he ignores my text I never call because I'm afraid to.. He ignores my presence at the club and just keep bringing other women there I pretend not to care but I'm dying inside as each day progresses.. I want to die.. Without him I'm nothing I'm willing to forgive him n hold him in my arm and look into his irresistible brown eyes but that's my fantasy and I have to wake to to reality now.. I think about him everyday and cry when I'm alone.. I pretend to be OK when I go to his club and dance with other people to gain his attention.. He stares at me a lot but I ignore his eyes.. Just want him to come up to me and say he is sorry.. But that ain't gonna happen..

Andre I Love You Forever And Always.. :'(