Some people are born lucky ..

nikhil only

Some people are born lucky to enjoy their love life but some people are not. In my teen age, I was in love with my neighbor who was happened to be my schoolmate also. People say falling in love is itself a matter of good luck. But it was not true in my case. Most of my time, I used to pass in her sweet company .we were so involved that years passed by very swiftly .once we overheard our moms talking about our marriage. So we were happy that we would be going to pass our rest of life together. Time drifted on we became more familiar with each other .I learnt that she had a lot of habits and traits like me. I loved everything about her like her habits, her incredible faith in god. When she was with me, life was beautiful and useful. We were so involved that I never cared for future. Life is not same all the time. It is full of ups and down. And the beautiful days passes very swiftly.

I never knew I have to live without her for years. It was last week of a June 2009, I got call letter from ALIGARH MUSLIM UNIVERSITY on selection IN MASTER OF COMPUTER APPLICATIONS. I was happy and so was her for my bright carrier, but soon we realized that we were going be separated for next three years as I had to live in Hostel. Admission date was 9th of July, we had hardly 15 days. She was sad and lost and I thought of not joining ALIGARH MUSLIM UNIVERSITY and same I conveyed to my parents. Our parents know everything but at same time they we were also worried about my future, carrier etc. So they forced me to go and I can’t forget the day when I left the Kanpur, a city where I grown up, a city where I learned everything, a city of my Love…… she was on the terrace and I was putting my luggage into the Car… her face was so gloomy but she tried her best to give a smile, a smile that was very much familiar to me, a smile where she used hide her pain and problems. Then again; when I was about leave, I looks at terrace and she was not there ……………………………

At that time, As Neither I nor she had Cellphone…. So no communication for next 5 months…………
After 6 month I came back to home completing my first semester, what would I talk to her, or when would she come to my home, so many things I was anticipating. I was looking for her all time. And then my mother realized my eagerness to meet her and clarified she was not here she went to her grandmother place for next one month and I was like why I am here , it is better to be hostel where u are always surrounded by friends…..than living here ,where everything reminds me of her.

Next time, after one year, when I came back to home, I don't have any anticipation and expectation to meet her and talk to her, maybe I was grown up or forgotten her or something. I just came to home because my mother insisted my mother insisted, otherwise my life was there, in the hostel… I just planned to stay at home for 7 days only…And, in the evening, I was washing my bike, then "hi Nikhil, kaise (how are you)??" She said…OH, God; I was overwhelmed to see her. As, I noticed some changes in her she is not that nimble ,naughty , careless ,querulous and haughty SANJU(her nick name)but she is now A calm ,tender , and mature SHANJNA…Because of surprise, I unarticulated and fumbled " main badiya hun" . We again fallen in love madly with each other . For next 1 month. Every day in morning, I used to stand at balcony to steel a glance of her. then she used to come and flashes a smile at me , her smile brightened a number of days .that time , I stayed at home for almost 40 days rode with her to gardens and malls and there, we walked and talked a lot about our future . when she was on my back sheet of my bike, I was liking flying on the road…She used to talk about how in future she would take care of me .I loved her dreams and always wanted to make them true for her .I told my parents about her and my wish to live my rest of life with her. Our parents were agreed and but not surprised as they too planned the same for us. It was July and I went back to Hostel. Then love story started on the phone by a lot of messages and calls. She usually kept on texting me whole day and track everything about me and she was caring me like a baby and she wanted to know everything I do , everyone I meet ,thing like lunch dinner etc…So we were completely involved that THAT I NEVER CARED FOR FUTURE… and one year passed…

In College, I fallen in lust with some girl named AAAAAA, friend of my friend's girlfriend. So I started I ignoring her calls and smses, After 20 days of doing this trick… the one night, she called me and said “I knew that you are not interested to talk to me because you got someone else”. Then after, I had a long conversation with her and tried to pretend like nothing was changed and gave a lame excuse of being very busy in study for ignoring her calls and smses .she knew I was lying and wept on my unexpected behavior. Finally, same night, I had a discussion with my best friend, after considering whole situation, he suggested “out of sight .Out of mind”. Same night, I called her and blamed her "As you do not believe me anymore, where, there is no trust means no love… so you don't love me anymore". She lost her temper; she cried, told a lot of things showing it was me changed not her and thanked me for putting the blame on her for the love and care she did to me. Also, she told to me to call her whenever I need her… I said a blank OK and hanged up the call. In simple words, we broke up or better to say I broke up with her without any reason…………………

Months passed by…she used to call me almost every month just to ask whether I am fine or something. I used to talk very formally and I never asked her back anything about her .it was the last semester of MASTER OF COMPUTER APPLICATIONS, I was not able get campus placement while my almost all the friends did. So I was a tormented and broken mentally. In the same frustration, I broke up with AAAAAA and stopped talking to all my friends as all of them were enjoying as they had job but not me….

Meanwhile, I got a call from Sanjna; she asked about me and life, she knew that I am broken and frustrated. I guess my mother would have told her. She talked to me almost about 2 hour, and told not to lose hope and tried her best to boost my confidence and .I felt so good and regretted a lot, for blaming her and not valuing her as a true friend or girlfriend. At that time, I was so lonely and gloomy that I thought of saying sorry and ask her to come again into my life. But because of my past rude behavior to her, I could not gather courage to do so and I chosed to be alone. Eventfully, I tried job search in Delhi, but all in vain and MASTER OF COMPUTER APPLICATIONS degree was going to be completed and I had to leave hostel and how I would face people and home as loser, jobless most importantly, how would I , a loser, would face Sanjna, to whom I broke up without any reason and so many negative thoughts were coming to my mind. When I was losing all the hope, then I was suggested to go to Bangalore, a place where IT opportunities are endless. I sold my Bike and booked the ticket to Bangalore and planned to leave for Bangalore directly from Delhi, I mean, without going home… but again my mother insisted and I had to go home for two days.

There, I realized, family is the place where you always get respect, irrespective of your position and situation, also I noticed Sanjna was talking to me like nothing wrong was happened between us ever. For these , two days ,Sanjna was in my home for almost all time, My family and most importantly Sanjna made me to feel good about myself and helped a lot to gather my confidence. On 13 Jan 2013, I started to Bengaluru also regretted the decision of not visiting the family when I was lonely and frustrated in College. In Bangalore, she use to call me very often (weekly )just to ask about me, my life and what I am feeling, she used to talk very positively … while other people, other than my family, they used to call like "Aur , naukari ka kuya hua??(What did happen to your job??)", unlike her.
It had been 6 month, it seemed to me there was no hope, my dreams were dying so was my hope, but god is great and there came offer later from CGI on 27 July 2013; With joining date after two month. I planned to spend these two months with my family and went to home as winner spent a lot of quality time with Sanjna and found she got more brain and patience than me. We used to lose in conversation and forget about the hours passing. Finally after 2 months, I discovered the difference between love and lust… that was the biggest discovery of my life…

I joined the Job and we use to talk everyday once just for 5 to 10 minutes , not like newly love birds who talks all the time, as we know everything about each other, she used to talk about her future plans with me and I used to talk to her like a college boy as "I am planning buy this bike/mobile" Some time I used to get some money saving tips from her… and those 5-10 minutes of my time in her company used to make my day…everyday………….

On 2 Jan 2015, My mom told me that she had planned my engagement ceremony with her in coming month of June and whenever we, both of us, would feel the right time ,we could marry .I simply answered in negative that I am not ready for this now. Sanjna called me in the evening to talk about the engagement but she tried but I refused to talk on this topic. So she said in anger “you are so unpredictable, I hate you”. I replied "if it is so, it's ok". She hanged up the call. No more calls from her for some weeks. Even I did not call her; I made myself busy in guitar learning…

On 14 Feb 2015, she called me early morning to wish me happy valentine day and I replied her "I love you", just to check what she got in her heart for me. She replied "I love you too".

Again, love story resumed….I convinced her that it's not the right time for engagement ceremony. She used to understand and trust me. Then we were living happily. She always wanted to visit Bangalore and see the life at Bangalore. So considering her desire, I planned to call her parents as well as my parents to Bangalore. She conveyed same plan to our families they agreed, we were so happy.
On 10 Feb 2016, she reached Bangalore with her and my family, first day we all roamed together in Bangalore in mall, parks etc. For second, day I have booked the bus for our parents for pilgrims. On the same day, she visited my PG then we rode to my office as she wants to see where I worked. she love the weather and the life at Bangalore, She started making plans after marriage, we will do this, that so many things….I loved silly things and plans she talk about….Finally , we went to mall and she shopped a lot of thing . It was not possible to carry everything on bike, so I had to call one cab….All went well… everyone was happy….

15th of October, 2017 I was at home, when our parents planned our engagement ceremony , this time I was not able give any excuse , so we were engaged on 25th of October, 2017 , just after the Diwali….. 30th of October, 2017, landed in Bangalore to joined office, But after engagement I notice some changes in her, she became more caring and possessive for me. she use to keep on texting me on my office hours, she use to take care of everything like lunch dinner breakfast, in week days , she used to take care of me like a baby. I loved everything about her, especially her paintings. She was very good at painting and art, probably because she was perusing Bachelor in Fine arts.

For next two years, our relationship and almost everything continued in same fashion except my employer, after every three - four month she used to come to Bangalore with lot of advises & suggestions and make me to daydream about the days after marriage. She was very talkative and so was I, but when she was with me, I preferred to listen as I loved it, also this listening helped me understand her more.

We were happy so were our parents, but relatives had started talking shit about us, so our parents forced us to marry as soon as possible. Then, we planned a lot, As per plan, I shifted to a 2BHK flat, bought a car. finally, on 16 Aug 2019 ,we married to be called as husband and wife .Just after two days of marriage we flied to Bangalore, everything was happening as per plan and or in other words god's decision were in our favor. She was so intellectual that she never given me opportunity to fight with her. On other hand on the every mistake of her, I used give quality time to her to make her realize that whatever she had done was wrong and what could be the solution. For my mistake, or some think or anything she did not feel right about, I used explain why I did this and what was my intention. So this way, without any fight, for next two years, we discovered a lot of differences and settled them down. I discovered her primary need was Quality time, if she was disturbed or down… just talk to her, listen to her and she would be fine.

2 Dec 2021, Silver Atena, my employer confirmed my trip to Sweden for two month, I was excited to convey this news to her, so in the evening when I reached home from office. Firstly, she was happy, then I told here " it is short term opportunity and you will not be able to come with me, instead you can go home or stay here” immediately I spotted the a fake smile on her face, hiding a pain of being alone for 2 month told her so many things and explained and talked for hours. Now she was fine and convinced to go home for that time. Next week, it planned for me to go to Chennai for visa interview; accordingly I planned to take her also with me to Chennai. But finally, she decided not to accompany me as she was not feeling well. I also did not force her, leaving her alone was the biggest mistake of my life.

17Dec 2021, I left for Chennai, during journey, I was on call with her, and we talked about plans when I would be in Sweden. Next morning, I woke up late and not able to talk to her. Directly I rushed to passport office, there everything went good.

It was my 3nd day at Chennai, same day, I have booked a bus from Chennai to Bangalore .Unexpectedly, on 20 Dec 2021, at 7 am, and I got call from Sonal, our neighbor, telling “she met with a minor accident with some motorcycle while she was walking to nearby shop I was shocked to death and called her but no reply, After some time, she called back and told me "nothing to worry, minor bruises are on hand and shoulder". then, I felt a little relaxed and but I want to talk to her more .Again , in evening when I was about to reach Chennai with in next one hour, I called her , but our neighbor Sonal picked up told me "As she felt some excruciating pain in her stomach so we admitted her in a hospital. I was so much worried that I felt like to go to Bangalore immediately .After I hour I got a message from her "I am fine. Don’t worry”. Then I called and she told like "bike hit her from left and she fell flat on the ground. From that time she is feeling some pain in stomach; but now she is fine”. Then we talked a bit. I assured her I would be there with in next one more hour as traffic was horrible. Finally, I reached the hospital. She was fine so I had some words with doctor. He told all tests had been done but reports were yet to come, so he could not say anything about her without the reports .He suggested me to wait for some more hours. It was evening, so Sanjna suggested me to go back to home and make myself comfortable and come back as she was perfectly fine and moreover Sonal was with her. So I came back to home and planned to go back hospital at 10pm.

Around 9.30, Sonal called and told " Sanjna is not able to breath properly , come as soon as possible "I rushed to hospital and I drove as fast as possible but because of traffic signal , it took almost one hour to reach there .When I reached that room where Sanjna was admitted , there was complete silence in room, numerous negative thoughts surrounded my mind in no time and then I looked at Sonal and Deepak , they sat with their down , as they don't want to look at me eye to eye… I shouted at them in confusion, pain and shock “what did happen to her??” Then from behind, doctor put his hand on my shoulder and cleared "I am sorry… Nikhil…because of internal bleeding, her some internal organ including liver was damaged completely in accident, we tried our best……." I did not have courage to listen one more sentence… I was shocked to numb and tears flooded in my eyes...world is ended for me…

But life goes on…

Today, 4 June 2021, I am at Kapagowda airport, though my flight is at 5 pm, but I was feeling so lost, lonely and defeated, frustrated at home that I came to airport before 5 hours. And whenever I think about my past , I feel relaxed and happy and love to think, talk and write about her because these all things make me believe that she is somewhere around me, with me forever. Today I have written this story I don't know why?? May be to reduce or share my pain???If I could use time machine or magical spell to rewind my life some month back, I would stop me to leave her alone on that bad day, a day who took her away from me forever and made me alone forever .Because some time it is hard to live with her memories and feeling attached with her .Slide show of the images from the time I had spent with her, is keep on running through my mind. Some time I recall something about her and I happen to laugh and in no time I remember that she doesn't belong to this cruel world , and never lasting loneliness and gloominess surrounds me , it feel like crying and screaming but now I learned to dry my tears . Though the fact is that it is just she who is gone, everything else is same and that everything else means nothing to me. I miss her in my days and I miss her in my nights I missed her every moment of life I lived.
As love happened already ....This is only life...................


DATE: 4 June 2021
Nikhil Kumar