Explanations

Joanna

I grew up in my loving care of my grandma, uncle, and dad. But, both my grandma and uncle disappeared one day. I woke up searched the house and all that is left is me. I never received an explanation from dad it just happened. Then, summer came and the people who disappeared reappeared took me to their place to spend my summer days and so, the summer days end and I unwillingly come back to my new life.

I don't really remember when but woman lots and lots of woman suddenly appeared at my home. And I really never understood. But theres this one woman who get to stay beside my dad during night time and I really still didn't understood until one of the woman whom I like more than the woman that stays with my dad explains what role she plays.

I've hearted of an existence I've never seen and felt in person. But there in the ceiling of my room hang a plaque with the name unknown to my mouth. My grandma explained that it's my biological mother since, I used to call her mother when I was kid or so she said I don't really remember. But, I thought highly of this person. I would look towards her picture and smile that such beauty is my mom.

A call. A call from my so called mom from overseas! I was excited very! But dad looked annoyed. I copied I acted annoyed and uninterested when deep inside I'm jumping with joy. I remember I would read all the letters sent by that person in secret.
Darkness. The once house filled with woman and people are replaced by darkness. The woman stayed. I remember when the house was filled with with them I would creep to the stairs to listen and smell what they were cooking. None where left for me and I would cry. Pathetic. Now it's much sadder cause it's just me and the woman. After school I would rush home just to enveloped by darkness. I would try to watch TV but instead be replaced with darkness. It's been used up all say it's time for it to rest, she says. And, would fall asleep living me sitting in the living room covered in darkness. It's awkward so I would wait a few seconds then go outside.
I hate it when she says I keep everything to myself and that I don't share when she herself do the same. I only learned from you!
Undershirt. I've forgotten to put it in the laundry basket. She found out and she hit me with it. I don't remember how many times but I remember going to conclusion of writing everything down she had done to me so that when summer comes and my grandma has to pick me up and I let her read my notes I don't remember any of it except for the undershirt incident.

Summer. I would sleep in the same bed as my grandma but she never let me hug her she would always take my hands off. She said, it's for my own good. But it hurts till now. I hope she just had let me hug her because that's the most physical I get with anybody.
Graduation. My grandma and dad had a very big fight and now my dad left home and is refusing to come back until my grandma doesn't leave the house. I had to go to my graduation with my grandma and cousin. He wasn't there. Does he even care how much of an impact it has on me? I don't think he thought things through!

First year. My mom visited for the second time since I was a small kid. She didn't really bond with me all she cared about is dad. She didn't even once spend the night with me. Expectations. That the first expectation she completely shattered. I got angry.