Loss

Dandelion

According to an English dictionary, the word "miss" has a lot of meanings. One of them is "to feel the absence of someone or something". In my opinion, the word "miss" means by the feeling that one feels when the person that very close to him, disappeared, vanished and gone. Perhaps just for a while or for good. It is just hurt when you can't stop yourself from thinking and remembering the person, even though they used to hurt you but you still love them.

Everyone will feels this feeling sooner or later. This includes myself. Deep in my heart, I miss him so much. I really want to hug him, but I can't. He's just 'too' far from me. Only God knows exactly how I miss my late grandpa. 23rd July 2014, he left us. At 1st June 2014, I received a letter saying I am going to further my study in a university which is in the other state. You know what? It was the hardest goodbye from me to my grandma and grandpa. I cried a lot. So, on 24th July 2014, I've decided to return home by bus as the university was giving a week-holiday for Aidilfitri's Eid (for Muslims to celebrate after a month of fasting which was Ramadhan *in brief*).

That more hurt feelings was when my brother called me in an 'unusual voice tone' saying that "Grandpa's dead". It was a day before I came back home for Eid's holiday. I was like 'what is he talking about? what was that mean?'. I questioned those in my mind as I don't really have the courage to voice out. Before this, Grandpa was hospitalised for a week and used to be in the Emergency Ward (ICU). As I knew the news from my brother at 12.30 am, I can't sleep till the morning..and kept on thinking of negative endings. Plus, the next day I totally can't do my Mathematics test and I failed. I don't even care of that instead of my Grandpa.

That 23rd July's night at 10 pm, uncle who lived in the city near my study place, fetch me at my college and rushed home right away. We reached home at 3.15 am. As I entered y house, I saw a solid body covered with a white plain cloth lied on a bed heading towards the qiblat *a direction where Muslims pray*. I'm not straight away ran towards my Grandpa but I ran towards my room, put my bags down and cried in the dark room. After I got the courage to get up, I went out of the room and greeted my Grandma whom slept in the living room, near my Grandpa's. I hold myself from cry in front of my Grandma and others although they can see my red swollen eyes. Indeed, I can't control my tears from falling down my cheeks till the moment my Grandpa was about to be brought to the place to be buried.

It was a huge surprise that surprised me and my family members. I promised myself that I want to be at my grandparents' side while they breathe for the last time. But, I can't. It was late a day. God loves him much more. What a challenging moment for me because I haven't see my Grandpa quite a while after my registration day at the university. Then, I also an't see him for the last time alive but only an kiss him on the cheeks, nose and his forehead on his death.

My aunt said that Grandpa had a lung infection. That news surprised me like hell. All of my life, there is no sign about Grandpa suffered from the disease.

People kept on saying 'move on' to some other people that gone through a terrible misery. Say things may be easy but you might probably can't work the word. People say so because they didn't know, don't want to know or never felt this kind of situation. Some people seem easy to move on and some still can't. Well, it depends on what and how the condition happened and takes place.

It is true that some day and somehow, people will overcome their situations. But, at the same time, they will never forget what had happened and how they stand up and faced the world. Like a popular quote, "Life must go on".