Forever Gone

Raven

This year in high school, i lost the love of my life, heart, soul, and everything. I loved this boy like no other. I would go to the moon and back for him and what he didn't know is that i would've done anything and everything for him. I let my guard down, open up my heart, and show him everything i had to offer. But him and me been on and off every since 9th grade year. When we first got together we clicked like that. We stayed talking 24/7, he always walked me to class, gave me kisses and hugs. He never fronted in from of his homeboys til after we broke up. Like he was everything i always wanted. He showed me how to be myself and got through my walls that i build around my heart. But when we broke up the first time it was all my fault. Thats why the second time around he was more cautions with his heart. I was confused and young, my heart was pulling me in different directions and i couldn't control my feelings. It was something about my ex-boyfriend that always had me going back to him but one day i finally open up my eyes. He not that person i would take home to mom and dad. he stayed mad over stupid shit. i couldn't deal with it so i went back to the person i really wanted to be with. To this day i ask myself was it a mistake or love. I'm still torn in between the two.

One night i was getting off work, my mom was gone and my sister was with her boyfriend. I was here by myself and didn't want to spend this night alone. So i called him and asked what was he doing. Then i asked can he come over. He was like yea and i went to go get him. Once we got to my house i showed him around because it was his first time here. When we got done i walked back to my room and stood in the doorway. I been waiting for this moment so long i got nervous but played it off. He stood in the hallaway looking at me. We had the same intentions, he pulled me to him and started kissing me so passionatly it felt so good. In my mind we made the most sweetest love two people could possibly ever make because i had a feeling it will be the last. During this time a had a boyfriend. And my heart once again pulling me but it choose him. I didn't tell him that night because he insisted that we should work some things out but i knew what i wanted and that was him.

Some days went by no calls or texts unless i did. I didn't trip because we was suppose to be working things out. But i was tired of waiting i wanted him now. I would've drop everything with my boyfriend just to be with him because thats how much i loved him. So one night I called him and spilled my heart out about how i felt it was just tearing me up inside to hold all of it inside. The words that came out his mouth hurt me and the worst way because i never except him to say what he said. I couldn't take it no more. So that night and day forward i tried to forget about him.

He just don't know how bad that shit hurts. I know i fcked up a couple of times but i was there to stay no matter what. I tried to talk to him but he turned his back on me and never looked back. Thats when i knew i lost him for good. I would be lien if i said i didn't care for him because i love him like hell even though i'm hurting like hell.

I wish i could hug him, kiss him, touch him, and let him know i truely love him just one more time