the love that was never meant to be

yox

it all started on a lovely june, at the start of classes for the year. searching for my former classmates and perhaps my old crush, i happen to stumble on a pair of deep brown eyes, looking at mine. i didn't know the guy, so i shied away, blushing then proceeded to find someone i know, then went to my class. it was the day i never thought i would still long for and remember after all these years.

to my surprise he was in my class, and he was kind of snobbish from the start. yet he got his friend to ask for my name and befriended me afterwords, explaining to me why i shouldn't think of him as snobbish. he's good at class, not to mention that my classmates regarded him as well bred and quite handsome...

then by months he became seated next to me. by the first subject of the day til noon we often argue, but at the end of the day apologies came in easy. we always got being partnered to each other for every opportunity that came - especially on that class group play.

i was so unknowing but day by day i felt something growing in my heart. afraid, denying, felt funny and then later i gave in - i already knew i was in love with him the way that i knew he wanted me.

by next year we weren't classmates anymore and so i was saddened at the start - not knowing that by the rest of the year i would even face great challenge on js prom for him being partnered to a then pretty classmate. that was the first time i know of the word jealousy.

by the following year i happened to do well at school and our classrooms was just a room apart. this pretty classmate of him wasn't anymore rumored to him, and so i fought with this feelings, thinking that i still might have the chance to his heart since it was clear that he still likes me.

graduation came and all we did was to stare at each other - me, afraid of telling my feelings for him. he just stared at me, unsure of what to say even though i know i was special to him.

i saw him the last when i was in college, me staring at him and he, staring at me with unspoken words...

now i regret that at least i should have uttered a word way back then - i was just so scared. now that 17 years have passed and he's so far away, i wonder if he could even still remember...

i still truly love him, but only in my memories...