THE DARK SIDE OF LOVE

Jayson

A TRUE STORY OF MY BEST FRIEND...



When I think about love, the first think comes to my mind is GOD.
GOD loves us some much, his creation is so perfect, so that we can do any work by ourselves. Till now, we reached from the bed of Oceans to the end of our solar system in space to learn and gain more and more knowledge. GOD is so powerful, without almighty we can’t lead our daily life, we all see GOD everyday but we never realize that anytime, this world is a gift of GOD, to share with each one of us. So ultimately, all religions in this world are meant to lover each other but that seems to be not happening. We, humans are so abhor to each other, they can’t understand the meaning of life and the words of religions. Even sometime GOD seems to be blind. So, here I start a true story of a man, who was so ill-fated and left with nothing, who loved his wife more than his life and punished himself for his wife's mistakes and blessed her with independent life.
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I am sitting in a chair, where a lonely and depressed man should be. A deep dark atoms covering my skin and making me feel, will this life ends tonight, but it never seems to be my last breath. Windows are standing front of me, one of them half opened to relief me from the breathing smoke. It smells like broken trust, is all I'll ever see and all I’ll ever be. There is no light in the sky, even the clouds are so desperate like my heart, ready to drop and start the music of life. All I see in my eyes, its only the angel, I ever dreamt for, I thought she would stay but she was just a smoke dancing from my cigarette entangling herself in my lungs, I could not hold her, she left swiftly and softly flitting away through my exhale. It seems, I come to the end of my journey and I am traveling my last weary mile, just forget if you can, that I ever frowned and remember only the smile, that was only you whom I can’t ever forget, even though I am not here. Every night you come to me and say, you always love me and you will never leave me, the promise. Why, you come every day and make my heart beat till death? Why, we are so far? Why, you made me feel, I am always alone? Why, you took others hand, when I was in blood and flash? I ask you these questions every night; you never answer any of them. Maybe I talked to myself, just like an abnormal man. Here I close my eyes and this is what I see a flash back of life;

A festival, 11 years from now, I was in a winter holiday and came back to my country, one of my good friend came to my house and told me lets go out for a fun time. I got ready and asked my dad some money and went out. My friend suddenly said, let’s go and pick up some one, ‘that was not in our plan, I replied. At that time I was very arrogant man, I always wanted to be myself and all-time used to avoid people. ‘Don’t worry; you will love to meet her, my friend said. ‘No, no girls please’ I replied. ‘No problem man, nothing is going to spoil our day, come on, let’s go’: friend. I had no choice, and moved on. After I reached my best friend’s relative house, he told me to sit in a sofa and wait for a minute. I was sitting hesitantly and looking everywhere, after few minutes, I saw cat passed by me and I was thinking, well that’s a pretty big cat all I can see and no one else from few minutes, but I can hear few people are talking in another room. After 10 minutes, someone came and gave me sweets to eat, so, I started eating and felt shy, because I never ate in unknown people house before. So, I was eating and thinking, today’s plan is ruined, and was getting so angry on my best friend. Well, in mid time someone appears in the room with magenta color dress and deep lipstick on her lips, I could literally smell her perfume in my breath. I looked at her once and couldn’t control myself to look twice. Just said in my mind she is so pretty. Suddenly, my friend came and said meet my cousin and let’s go, we are all, ready to move. Seems her appearance made me dumb, I could not scold my friend for making me sit alone in someone’s house for more than half hour. We moved out and got taxi, she made me so quite, had nothing to say. My friend and her was gossiping endlessly, I was watching out and listening to them. Suddenly, my cell phone rings and it seems my mom had no other time to call me. I picked nervously and said everything is fine and will be back early and kept the call. We really had great time outside on that day. Ok, now this time I started talking little. Later we went to a public park and was talking to each other and walking. She was so bright and frank person, we talked about so many useless things and laughed and laughed and which was making me feel a small bird signing poetry, I wasn’t bored. While walking, she was holding her brothers hand and fortunately, ‘I am going to buy some dry food, you both keep walking’ my friend said. Well, we were walking alone together and she holds my hand for first time. I was so amazed, ‘I am walking with a girl whom I never knew and now holding my hand’ said in my mind and unfortunately out of my mouth too, she slimed and said ‘I like to hold hands while walking’ ‘well, that’s good, but is that too everyone?’ I said. No, only to my close ones, she relied. After that we moved on and had lot of fun together. That was the first I saw the angle of my dreams, I liked her so much.

Later we started talking in phone and kept talking for few nights. One day, my cousin came to my house and we didn’t had extra rooms, so he decided to get rest in my room and made me worried, how will I talk to her all night. But nothing could stop me; I pulled all wires of the land connection and went to the washroom, took a chair and started talking to her. But that night something else we talked about. She asked me, do I love her, ‘I don’t know exactly what to say, I need time to answer this’ I replied nervously, ‘no, problem, let know the answer soon, I will ask you again’, she said. After few days she asked me the question again, I was silent and slowing whispered yes, ‘I love you’. Than we kept on meeting each other and spending time together every day. My mom watched me going every time and kept quite. Since, I am from Asian country; we had lot of complicated reasons to make relations with different religious people and so do my mom. My winter holidays were over and I had to leave and go back to my other country, where I used to study. It was so hard for me to leave her and go away for 9 months; I started loving her so much, I couldn’t control myself. At that time I used travel alone, and that year I decided to come back to see again and spend few days with her and then go back. I used to spend all my pocket money and had nothing to spend in next 6 months in foreign country. But it seems nothing could stop me for seeing her again and again. Later, every year I come and spend my everyday with her, we loved each other so much, we can’t even guess, how time passes so fast. One day, my mom called me, and seems to be so angry and said ‘you can continue with her and forget about marriage, she is from different religions, we can’t let you do that, and if you ever thing about it, please leave our house and never comeback’, she was too serious and she meant it. I was such a boy, I never done anything against my parents, I always listen to them, but I decided, maybe not this time. On the next day, I met her and seem she also asked me about my religion, ‘if we ever marry, will you change your religion for me?’ she asked. I was quite for few minutes and thought, If I do anything like that, I can never go back to my parents again and if I don’t, I can’t get her, the decision was so complicated, but nothing could stop me, ‘I love you so much and yes, I can do anything for you till I’m alive, you need to trust me and promise me you will never leave me because I will not have anyone left for me but only you’ I said; ‘yes, I will never leave you’ she answered. In next few months, my mom, she tried lot of game play and many things to stop my relationship with her; even she brought me expensive drinks, to change my mind, even from her side, her parents was too conservative and didn’t allow us to move further. But nothing could change me, and I couldn’t stop loving her. I was so tired of everything day by day, later, I thought of a plan, and asked her, ‘would you like to go with me, to my study place, I will do everything it needs, and we will never come back to this stupid people’ I said; she reply silently, ‘yes, take me with you’. From that day I thought she trusts me so much and I can never break her trust anytime in future, I loved her so much, which I could never explain in words. This time my holidays were about to end and I already managed to take lot of money from my dad’s account, that was the first and last time I ever took money from dad, without notifying him. Before I leave my country, everything was ready to take her with me. One of my good friend got her passport ready and another friend helped her to start the journey. We stood one night for rest in boarder zone, that night was so dark, we was so worried and afraid about, what will be the consequences at home. We had our dinner and set to rest, I still remember the night, which was our first night staying together in one room. We both set and staring each other for a while without any words, the feelings were completely different from other days. I felt, I am falling in love with her again. ‘I love so much, till I am here with you, I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise’ suddenly I said. She took deep breath and said, ‘thanks, I love you too, I need to go for shower’, then moved towards the bathroom and told me to pass the towel, once she’s finished. Well, that is interesting and I smiled a little and said ‘okay, I will’. I set on the bed for a while and was thinking about the next day. ‘Please pass me the towel’ I heard her, and wasting no time, I passed it and said, ‘here you go’, she pulled the towel and closed the door again. She was too shy and innocent girl, ‘I love you, and without you I can’t stay’ I whispered myself and moved towards the bed. After few minutes, she came out with a t-shirt and a pajamas, and she was drying her hair and looking at mirror, I was just sitting and watching her, she looked at me and gave a shy smile and said, ‘what happened’, ‘nothing, just watching you’ I replied. I lay down on the bed and said myself ‘we are so tired today, lots of pressure and tensed about what will happen’. After combing her hair, she came and laid down side of me and asked ‘what happened? Why are you so tensed? Whatever comes we will face together’, I just turned towards her and said ‘yes, we will’ and kissed her lips. That was the first amazing night we made love for the first time, I can still feel the moments in my skin, her touch, her kiss, her hair, I never loved someone, so much in my life. Next morning, we woke up and I said ‘you know there is something I need to tell you, each and every day I feel, I am loving you more and more, just like our age grows, I hope you will never make me regret in my life, if you do, I can’t stay alive’, ‘no, I will never leave you alone and I won’t make you regret anytime ’she looked my eyes deeply and said. We moved on, to our destination and we rented a small house in the hills and stood there for few months. Every night, after making love, we both use to wake up and sit on the roof top, the cold wind passed by and she set on my laps and I hold her tight, and used to look up in the sky and show her the three brighten stars in sky of Orion belt. From those days till the end we always looked at stars every night. I used tell her, ‘when I gone or lost ever, if miss me, look up in night sky and watch the stars, I will be there side of you always.’ She looked at me and said ‘I will never let go, anytime’. I kissed her and prayed in my mind, ‘oh, GOD, please never make me apart from her, if you do, you must take me away from this life, because I can’t live my life without her’, but at that time I never knew, GOD were deaf and dumb. We was happy with our small house but after few months I ran out of money and stated doing some dangerous jobs with my friends and attained classes twice a week. One day, her brother-in-law came to my place and asked about her, I looked at his eyes and felt pity, he was literally begging me to know where is she, at last I said him ‘she is fine, she is with me, I can never let anyone harm her’ ‘please, I want to see her and take her back, where she belongs, her father is not well, he wants to see his daughter’ he said. I knew if I be honest, this will happen but I was I had no choice to save her father. Later on he decided to take her back and was ready to go; I was too sad and helpless man to stop them. Without wasting time I said, ‘I will go with her, till she reach her home’ and I followed them. After she reached home, before I return, she cried a lot and it poked me like thorns on roses, I could never explain her how it felt, all I said myself, ‘you are a beautiful innocent girls, I know, if I wants to hold you tight, I have to get through lot of pain in life but I will be ready to face anything for you.’ ‘I love you much, I will never let you go anywhere without me, I will come back for you, keep faith on me’ I just said and left her house and left the country. End of that year I came to know we had a kid but our kid never got to see this selfish and cruel world. Due lot of family pressure and our bad time, we couldn’t save our kid and that’s the greatest sorrow, a father can have. ‘GOD, you told, you will help when we call you from our heart, I needed you help to save our kid, I searched for you, I begged you, but you didn’t speak to me or helped me, don’t know why’ I said in my mind and the sorrows from the deep into my heart, brought up nothing but tears. I never let her know my sadness anytime, cause I believed, she were too weak and if I can’t hold her strongly, then it would be worst. That time we both needed each other and we tried to pass our bad times slowly. I always hidden my sorrow just to make happy, I never wanted anything, but only her, I knew if she is with I can get everything I have ever wanted.

After the painful year, we decided to get married, and as promised, I was ready to change my religion and leave my family behind. I loved her so much; I couldn’t allow myself to marry a different woman in life. I knew this marriage will lead me to nothing cause my family not going to accept and leave me alone, which results no money, no property nothing. But I was never interested any of the artificial things in life. She was more than anything to me. Before marriage, I managed to get a job, as she wanted me to start new life. That was my first interview which I attained to an American company dealing with Yahoo and Google and I succeeded on my first attempt. I was so happy, and I made few claps for me while returning home and all I remembered that day, all through my, I was a very relaxed guy, my father used scold me cause I grow up in middle class family and never worried or work anytime, ‘he told me many, if you try yourself harder, you can be the best man ever, and if you don’t, you can’t do anything’. So, that day I did something and brought up success, I called her and gave her thanks, and told ‘you changed me a lot and now, hope we are ready to get married’. On our marriage day, we were in taxi and I looked at her, holding her hand and asked ‘before we get married, I want to ask you something, please promise me, ‘you will be always mine, you won’t let anyone touch you anytime and you will never leave me, no matter what comes to our life and no matter how many mistakes I make’ ‘yes, I am always yours, and will always be with you, I am only yours forever’ she replied. I still can feel the lips, how she spoke and said those lines front of me, I remember everything till now. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world and gave thanks to GOD, and I promised her I will change myself and try to be a perfect, honest and loyal husband. We got married and come to new house and I said goodbye to my parents. She always told me, she hates my parents cause they are from different religion and I always told her religion is nothing, the most important things in life is ‘do good, be good, be kind and love each other’ that is what exactly religions are. But she never agreed with me anytime and showed me anger. She was my love of life and my wife too, no matter how much anger she showed or fought with me, I can never stop loving her. We were a happy small family, we cook together, cleaned house together, I taught her everything needs to learn in life to be a batter person. We fought a lot cause we both had a lot of anger, but still we loved each other so much. Didn’t matter at that time how much I earned but it was good amount of salary at that time. I never saved any money rather spend and loved to see her happy. Later we moved on to our new apartment, she used like pet so much, we got two cats and two rabbits, they all stay together with us and got them a different bedroom. As, our life moved on further, our desire also increased day by day. I switched my job to an aviation company and had better salaries, we was happy and satisfied. All year I made her birthday special. We planned to get kids, once we move abroad and we both was agreed to that. I always told her ‘if we grow old, my love will be same as it was before’ and she always laughed and said ‘let’s watch, cause I won’t look same as now, when I go old, my skin will be craggy, I will look this and that, and men are attracted to young woman always’ ‘nothing going to change my love for you, it will be always same’ I always replied. Most of the time, she liked to get top of me and sleep in my chest, which I still remember, at mid night, sometime it was too hard for me to bear same load all night for long hours, but still I never wake her up and rather feeling pain I hold her more tightly and tried close my eyes, and sometime I used think, ‘if any time this lady leaves me, what will I do, how will I react and what will be my condition; she was all I had, my love, my family and my life. She made me some many different type of foods, and always used ask ‘how is the taste’ and always I used to reply ‘no, not good at all, you need to improve more in cooking’, after listing to that, she used to be so angry, I always smiled and said in mind ‘it taste good but in order to be better cook, I must say her negative answer’, ‘you never liked my cooking, I will not cook anymore’ her common lines, when I say bad taste. ‘No matter what you cook or give me poison to eat, I will swallow it happily, I love you much, I am just teasing you my dear wife’ always I said to myself, when I saw her getting angry. Few things I never told her till the end, that how much I loved her. All time I scolder her lot, if she would do any major mistakes or hide anything. I always tried to protect her from outside world, cause I know how is the people around us, which she never understood. I always kept my eyes and gave enough time to her, no matter how busy I was at office or any other work. She was my life, and my first priority of life was protecting my wife. After few years passed by, I wanted to start a business of my own. After starting my business, it didn’t go well and I fell into lot of financial problems and I was too tensed. This time I forgot her birthday, I was so sorry to myself and at night ran out to buy sweets for her, but she took it mind and was angry, she never understood the situations; I believe and she thought me wrong. After couple of weeks passed by, we couldn’t manage ourselves to get through the problems. One day, she came to me and said ‘let me search a job and help you’, ‘no, I never wanted to let you work, I can solve this, I need time’ I replied. She was one stubborn girl and didn’t listen to me, and at last she got a job and I couldn’t make her listen to me as well.

She got into pretty good job and I always told her, ‘fine, you are doing job, but make sure you don’t make mistakes in work and never involve personal problems in it.’ My days were bad and also were too worried about her. One day, I dreamt a very worst dream of my life, ‘I was at work, don’t know what happened, she was too angry with me and left house, I came back home after work and didn’t see her, anyhow I managed to get her location and came to airport, while entering the gate, I saw a man talking to her and ready for the flight. I didn’t care anything and ran to her and asked ‘where are you going and why you are in airport?’ ‘I am leaving you, I am not happy with you anymore, so I decided to choice my alternative options to move on’ she said. ‘Why, why you are not happy, what did I do? I never loved anyone without you, I have no one without you, can’t you see that? How will I stay without you? How, and who the hell is that guy?’ I shouted at her. ‘I am sorry, I have to move on, I like that guy and I decided to go with him for better life’ she cried and told me. ‘I don’t understand, I love you so much, we stood together so long time, remember, you promised me, you will never leave me, no matter what’ I said and literally tears were falling from my eyes while at sleep. Then I don’t know how the hell I got a gun in my dream and pointed at both of them. I said ‘If you have to leave today, then it’s better for me to be a murderer’ I was about to pull the trigger, but suddenly I saw the truth in her eyes, she was not happy with me and she wants to leave with that unknown guy. I was so sad and immediately reversed the gun in my chest and looked at her so deeply and said ‘your husband always loves you more than anything else in this world’ and I pulled the trigger. I was on the ground, she ran to me and pulled my head on her laps, I couldn’t see her face properly, it was so unclear and then I felt the taste of death is completely real, she was crying and said something which I couldn’t hear. Before I passed out in dream, I woke up frightened, opened my eyes, wiped my tears and saw an innocent face, she was in deep sleep, I kissed her forehead and hug her tightly and closed my eyes again. In the morning, I woke and opened my eyes, she was combing her hair and looked at me with a sweet smile and said wake up its late. I woke up and set on bed and asked her to sit side of me for a while and I felt after seeing her face I completely forgot about my dream and hugged her tight. ‘I saw a bad dream about you’ I said ‘read some prayer immediately’ she replied. She helped me to read the prayer and I started reading it but at that time, I never realized I have seen my future. I thought she really loves me more and the dream can’t to true. After few months I started noticing her behavior, ‘something has changed’ I spoke to me. After coming home from office, most of the time I, I noticed she is busy with phone calls. If I ask her who’s on the line, she always replied, ‘manager called me for office work’ ‘it’s not office hour so please keep the phone and let you manager know about it, and make sure you don’t bring office work at home’ all the time I said her this word. She replied me ‘OK’ all the time, and I believed her like God damn fool. Later on, I started checking her phone few days and found some unexpected messages and confirm something wrong is going on with her and didn’t let her know about this. After few days, I told her to sit in my laps and told her ‘my bird, life is critical, I do understand but you should know your husband loves you more than anything else in this world, please open your mind and never do any mistakes, and don’t hurt your husband’ ‘I will never do anything like that, I promise’ she said and I hugged her tightly in my chest. Few months later, I still kept my eyes on the, after finishing my office at 7 pm which was late, I came back to home and saw she haven’t arrived yet. I was tensed, rushed outside in the main road and called her around 90 times, the cell was ringing but no reply. It was a rainy evening, I stood on the road didn’t care to get wet, I stood there 2 hours and saw her dropped by her manager. I didn’t call her, just kept watching what she does. I was totally shocked but controlling myself in rain and said ‘GOD, I never excepted to see this day, I love her so much and I am weak, is this the day, you wanted me to watch?’; many old people says, no one helps you when you are in bad shape, sometime not even GOD. And that line was getting true with me, slowly. After few minutes, I bought some veggie walked in home, didn’t wanted to let her know what I saw. She opened the door with a big smile and said ‘where have you been for so long’ ‘I had late office and thought of buying some veggie while returning’ I replied with soft voice. She took the bag from my hand, and I directly came and set in sofa with a deep breath. ‘You are looking so happy, what happened today?’ I asked ‘nothing just had lot of works and it was like usual days’ she replied. ‘Where is your cell phone, is it ok?’ I said ‘its fine, why what happened?’ she replied, ‘can you please show me the cell phone’ she ran and took out the cell from her bag and checked ‘oh, I see, you called so many times, sorry I was working that’s why switched it to silence’ she said. ‘Yes, I did and I called you many time, why couldn’t you picked up for once, you know, I will be worried’ ‘I told you I was busy, its office not home’ she replied. ‘Oh, is it? Please tell me the truth, I just want to listen the truth, so don’t waste my time’ I said. ‘What do you think I was busy with someone else, why do you doubt me?’ ‘Please, tell me the truth, it’s not good if you lie your husband, so please, let’s be gentle and speak the truth’ I said. That man knew she was unmarried as she said him on interview, so whom to blame. Before she attar any useless word, I lost my patient and slapped her so hard, she fell in sofa and was surprised. We both fought a lot in our life but not as serious as this. By that time she already understood, that I came to know something about her. it was very hard for me to take out the truth, after one hour fighting and slapping she spoke out, ‘yes she was with her manager after office and they kissed each other and made out in car.’ GOD, gave me so much patients that I did hold myself at that moment of life. ‘Why, did you do that, you are married woman, how can you do such?’ my question didn’t made her any botheration, rather she said ‘I love him’, I got up without wasting time and changed my cloths, took shower and set in balcony. We didn’t speak that whole night and I couldn’t eat or sleep whole night, I was so shocked, and couldn’t believe, my loving wife just did that. That night, I was looking in the sky and my eyes were desperate to find GOD, but no one was side of me and spoke to me. I was extremely hurt and broke apart, she never understood, every time, I beat her but I get hurt myself. I were flashing back the past, when she tells me to carry her just like a child, I did, when she wanted to have an ice-cream at mid night, I didn’t heisted to go out and find one for her, I loved so much, she never understood me, my tears were rolling whole night as it has no end. Next morning I was waiting for her to wake up and wanted to speak to her, she were extreme angry with me but still I tried my best to make her sit in my laps and spoke out ‘little bird’, I never called her by her name in my entire life, she meant a lot to me. ‘Please, try to understand, what you have done, it’s not right. That man is an old and have a wife with children’s, he is just using you, nothing more. He will never truly love’s you neither he can marry you, I do understand, he is a rich guy with everything but my bird, you are doing wrong, please listen to your husband’ I said. But it seems nothing could get in her ears, she was totally blind. I knew her so much that her eyes could not hide the truth. And it seems, it was continuing and she was not listening to me, since she had to attain her daily office and me as well. This were such a privet matter, I couldn’t even ask help to anyone. Without thinking much after few days, I called my good friend who was always with me and also her school friend, she was close to my wife. They both come to my house and I discussed the matter with them. They tried their best to make her understand but nothing can change her mind. I was so broken; I couldn’t find any place to be in. Her best friend told me to get separated if she continues, but I was also a moron guy with stupid heart, who never gave up on wife. My best friend suggested me to take her in a long trip, somewhere far place like oceans, to see if she can change her mind, since long time we haven’t go for holidays. That time I had lot of financial problems going, but without thinking further, I tried to arrange extra money and went to bank to get all my money out. In few days, I asked her what she wants to buy, she may go for shopping, it’s was her day, we did lot of shopping in that week. Later I asked her to choice the best hotels close by sea beach and booked it for 7 days. We both took holidays and on the traveling day, she asked me, can she, visit office for few hours, I was always a stupid and said ‘ok’ you may. In mid time I went to my office to clear my holiday slip and when I finished I called her up to pick. It was the same, she never picked her cell phone for hours, she knew I was calling but she didn’t. I had choice to call her office directly and the assistance also told me lie that she were in the office and having meeting. I didn’t waste any time and went to her office and waited down stairs and kept on calling. Suddenly, I saw she was out from same guys car and ran up to the office. Once she reached, picked up my call said, she was in meeting. I was speechless at that moment and was too angry. I just waited patiently and wanted her to come down. She came and I asked her about why she didn’t pick up, she said she was busy. I was unable to control my anger and threw her cell on road, and told ‘you lied, you were with that guy, why did you lie?’ she was quite and didn’t speak out anything. She didn’t realize, what she is doing, it’s not only about a relationship but she didn’t knew, she was killing me slowly, but yet I couldn’t stop loving her, I was so deep in love with her. Once we came back home, I stated questioning her, why and where did she go; the time was just few hour from out trip. She didn’t answer, I took a knife and kept the shining blade in my arm and was ready to do what it takes to bring out the truth. At last she spoke out; she was with him in his apartment. I was totally blank and had nothing to say. I anyhow managed myself to sit and rest. She told me sorry many times on that day. But she did go again and again and again in his apartment later coming back from our trip. All I realized my wife was totally gone. The trip was normal but most expensive trip ever, I tried making her happy and to forget what happened, but I couldn’t, my brain was completely rapt off. Every day, after my office, I used to visit and wait for her, front of her office to pick her up, but every time she kept me waiting for 2-3 hours and have nice time with that man in office and came down, said sorry for late. From that year, I couldn’t set my mind free and my bank was empty, I couldn’t do my job, most of the time spend holidays and set at home. But love for her was so strong, I never gave up and at last I decided to leave the country and settle abroad with her. Anyhow, again I tried to arrange money for my trip expense and sold every single furniture and electronics except music system, cause I bought those expensive stuffs for her and she loves to listen music and all other stuffs were sold to get enough money. But to settle abroad the money was not enough. So she sold her few things and later I was ready to move. All I thought, hope this time my sweet little girl may understand the pain I was going through. From that year, my everything went wrong my sleep, my health, my job, money and also my luck. I was so helpless that even GOD didn’t come to save me. I was so desperate and my heart didn’t allow me to leave her alone for a year, during which I should settle down. Before leaving, I set with her in airport and told her to trust me, I will comeback for her as soon as possible and will stay abroad and will have kids, my tears promised her, all I wanted is to get my wife back. This memories makes me so weak that I could never control myself. I spoke to her and hugged her for the last time and said goodbye to my little angle, it was extreme hard for me to leave but I had to, I had no choice. I loved her so much, even GOD never loved me the way I did to her. I traveled thousands of miles and left her alone with her parents, my heart were literally crying, cause I never left her anytime anywhere for a minute, always I was with her every seconds of my life. She never understood, how much I loved her, and I never gave up on her. After I came abroad, I called her each and every hour, just like I did when I used work in my country, no matter how much busy I be, I never forgot my wife for a minute. She was all I had in my life. My life was not an easy one, just like others have, I learned so much from it, I tried to be stronger and stronger every day. But I can’t forget her. Later after few months I left, she joined an oil and gas company, which was pretty famous. And she used to get good salaries and better position than before. I was happy and told her, work well in few months I will try to bring you. But after few months I figured out, she is hiding me something again. I tried to do my best and to know about her activities from so far. And it was right what others said and what I doubted to be. I know her so well, if I speak with her, I can make out what she is trying to hide or lie. One day she was caught and I forced her to say the truth. And unfortunately, the truth was, she fell in love with a Canadian guy from her office, a higher department officer. I was again broke apart, and didn’t knew what should I do. I tried to get every single news about her; I never made myself so down to the people which I had to do for her. She was so deep in love with him, they didn’t even feel hesitation to spent nights and most of their time after office. I never prayed anymore to GOD, cause I appreciate my life GOD gave me but I never knew GOD is a such blind, deaf and dumb. I was dying every day remembering my wife that I love so much. All I saw in her, she loved that guy some much that she never felt wrong to give away my woman to him. He was also too old guy and had kids in Calgary, AB. I tried every single thing to make both of them understand. I spoke to that old man, it seems he also lie to me. So, I had no other choice. But still my little wife always wanted a kid from me, and I said her, we will not make babies anymore, I am breaking my promises. I couldn’t make her understand, If we have kids and if she continue do all such things, our kids will have no future; I always wanted to see my kid a honest and loyal person like me. I can’t spoil a new life in between our war. She never understood me. I always told her, ‘’your husband loves you so much, he never done any bad things could harm you, he was honest and loyal husband to you, all through his life. All he wants from you is, leave this cheating life and be the real woman for him. If you do that, your husband will do anything for you.’’ But she never listened to me ever. She made me a failed husband. My dreams and my life again lost in dark. I stopped working and started drinking every day, just to forget her. She always thought, I was a drunker, but I stop drinking after marriage, I was not addicted in drinks but to her. Till the last time she kept sending me money to help me and thought she can buy my feelings and I would never tell her anything negative and listen whatever she wants, but she was wrong, I was a honest and could never accept wrong things done by her. I appreciated what she did for me but I couldn’t stop making her understand what she has done. After few years I opened a company in abroad and started work on my dreams and it was R&D projects with government. I didn’t talked to her many months, and that stupid little girl never understood or felt anytime, how I stood alone without talking to her, she never felt anything cause she had her boyfriend with her, enjoyed every day. And there was nothing I could do, to bring her back, she became a property to her boyfriend and broke all promises that she won’t give my place to anyone, she will not let anyone touch her and finally she will never leave me, that was left for me to watch. And it did happened, after long time I felt like to talk to her and called her number and it was off, I was so worried I called each and every place every people to know about her. In few hours I managed to get 3 days passenger list from my country which departed to USA. And yes she left without saying anything to her husband, though she made one last false promise, that she will meet me before leaving, but never happened. I never spoke to her family anymore cause they never believed in me rather we went for extreme agreement, maybe they knew about it but they also cheated me. I could never make anyone understand that, no one can ever compare love with money, but nobody understood me. She may choose her alternate life to move on and be happy but she will never get a man like me in her life, no matter how many boyfriend she change or stay with. I never prayed long time to GOD but sometime deep in my mind I did pray for her always, I never asked GOD anything for me ever, all I wanted was to get back my wife, which never happened and never will. In mid time between few years, I started speaking to my old class mate of my school, who live west part of Asia. She loved me lot in school life but I never talked with in school. After so long time we talked and I had no one to share my stories. She was too sad and tried to make my wife understand, but she also failed and I appreciate her help though it didn’t work out. All the time she told me to start a new life and she will try her best to save me, even if it takes through marring me but I didn’t wanted to spoil one more life for me cause her family already promised someone to give her hand. She showed me dreams to stay alive and fight again, I believed her and she was true lover. I will never forget her and every moments she spent with me though we was so far, but her confidence in me, made me stay alive till now. Day by day my love to my wife turned into enemy and I wanted to take revenge on her, so that at least she would realize her mistakes and punish those bloody men, who took my wife from me, she turned our happy life into fire of hell, but I was too late to go back my country and make it happen.

During that time, I just received a huge funding from government for my project. I also met a lady on our science conference. She was from Australia, from a rich and good background. She liked me so much and she also had a degree on psychology. Don’t know how, but she asked, lot of questions about my desperate life, and my eyes couldn’t lie her. All she told is to start new life and come over to Australia, she will do everything it needs, her father always wanted a boy in their family, so, he would be really happy to accept me as a son. Her boyfriend will also help me to get new jobs or business in there. At last before leaving, she told “you are a good, gentle and very intelligent guy I have ever met, your life was a disaster, your wife cares her life more than her husband and you stupid man, wasting your life for her. You can work hard and get whatever you want in life, but why you want her. Please don’t waste your life” her eyes were full of tear but she tried not drop any of them. Later, every day she and her boyfriend send me message and requested me and all I replied is ‘I deeply thank you both for offering me new life, but I can’t hide myself from what I passed through’. My wife always told me she hates other religions but at last she choose a man with different religion and left me, that man can never do what I did for her. She never stopped telling me lie anytime. She had alternative options to move and make her life better and I also had many alternative options to leave my wife, but the difference is, she did and I couldn’t do, because I loved her more than anything in this world. Now I have explanation to my worst dream I saw long years back, it was retuning into reality, but I never believed anyone more than my little wife and this was the great mistake I have ever made. All I understood is, I am a looser, I never cared money, wealth, parents, religion and nothing except my wife, and now I have no one side of me, no family, no wife, no money nothing. I became a failed losing husband in life. Every tears I dropped, felt like my heart stopped for a while. My dreams were all gone, I never got a chance to grow old and take my last breath seeing her face, she was all I had left in my life and now gone forever. I knew, my days were getting over, from last few months I couldn’t eat nor sleep, my health was too bad. My work was going well, I managed to get the contract on project. But deep inside me, I whispered myself, I know now I can get rich and can have huge money in few months, but once I do, I will visit her and her boyfriend and I may do something wrong with their lives, my plan and revenge could destroy her future. Me and my successes can be too dangerous for her, I can’t harm or do anything to the girl I loved the most. If she didn’t loved me but I did loved her. I can’t be a cruel husband and I can’t be similar to her. I must end this war without harming her by destroying myself, which is only the way out.

Suddenly, I opened my eyes and saw the night turned into day, shining through windows. I woke up and got myself in chair; it was a new day for my life. I wrote and send long letter to her for the last time and talked with her in recoding clips, so that, if any time she realizes and misses me, she can hear and see me front of her. My luggage was ready and the most expensive contract letter in my life was torn into pieces and laying on the floor. I just looked at them once and left a deep breath and thought, this was the carrier I always dreamt of, this was the money, I always need but today I am leaving them all for my love. I walked into washroom, got fresh and was ready for long journey. While sitting in bus stop, I imagined, “if I should be a low class poor guy, everyday I should work hard and earn little amount of money, and at the end of day, I should go back home and eat normal foods with my family, we should be happy, cause our desire should be limited. We could never think of living high.” But my life is so complicated. Bus came by, I got up and looking for my seat, I saw a young girl and gave a shy smile and set down, side of her. She said ‘Hi, where are you moving’ ‘hello, yea I am going to visit some island, just for refreshment’ I replied, and she smiled. After few min, I started my journey, listening music and sent few regular message to friends and logging off my all social network for the last time and took out my SIM card and broke it into pieces. ‘Hey, what’s wrong, what happened’ she asked with suspicious look ‘nothing big, my SIM card got spoiled, so I don’t need it anymore, I try to get a new one’ I replied. I don’t know why she is too interested on my work. Anyway after long 8 hours journey I reached the place from where I shall start my second journey. It was reddish evening, the place was so peaceful, a green land and on the other side endless ocean. I felt like to stay few day there. I got cheap hotel and booked it for 3 days. As I ate once a day, after finishing my dinner, went to the beach side and set there for few minutes. I was remembering the old days, ‘when my wife was with me, I carried her and walk on the beach side at late night, and she was saying me, I have grown old.’ I spent my few hour on beach and drank a bottle of Vodka and looked up in sky and saw those three stars in Orion belt and cried a little and remembered our old days. ‘ This is what you rewarded me for my honesty and being a good human, I will see you once you take me away and I shall ask you some question’ I told to GOD. Later on I walked and went to my room. Next morning, I went to the village side and distributed all my cloths to the villagers, they was so happy and I loved their smiles. Now I have only a jeans and a blue t-shirt which was a gift from my wife. I walked most of places and was asking about an island. Later after 3 days I brought some essential stuffs for next 6 months and hired a boat to reach my destination. I started my last journey away from all humans. The weather was sunny and the water was looked crystal blue. While sitting on boat, I remembered, always I used to tell my wife, ‘I hate oceans cause I was too afraid and she used to go further in sea for shower, and for her I had forget my fear and go with her to hold tight from wives.’ We really had great life and we could get to the top, if she should be with me. After 5 hours journey on boat, I reached an island close to Pacific Ocean, where no people live, a deep dark forest with hills and caves. I took my small bag and paid off the boat man with few cash and my cell phones and said him to never come back. The man returned the boat and left. I tried to find a better place before the sunset and made a camp. I had few dry foods for 2 weeks for emergency and rest of the days I planned to hunt and eat. The sun went down, the place was getting cooler and dark was coving the island. I was little afraid but slowly I cooled myself thinking, here will be the end of my life so what’s the point of being afraid. Suddenly it started raining, every drops of the rain seems to feel like ice, so cold and I had no other choose but to get wet. My fire was gone and I was sitting and holding my knees and flashing back old days, when we both used to get wet in rain together. I spent complete four hours in rain and was to tired, so lay down on the sand and slowly closed my eyes. Next morning, I had fever and tried to work hard to get woods and make a small shade to cover myself from next rain. Then I went to search for fruits and fish, but I could get only few bananas. I made distal water trap from rain to drink. Every night I burn one page from my passport and one picture from album and spent most of the night thinking about her, where and how she is, I know she will never think how I am surviving and what I am doing, she is smart and surely she will be happy with her life. I sacrificed almost everything for her, and now only my death was left. I tried to talk with GOD every night and looked at the stars, seems GOD was nowhere. It’s now almost 6 months in this island, my hair and beard were grown, I got too skinny and sick but still surviving and remembering the woman, who lied me all through her life and left me. I remember the last time she asked me, ‘do you love me’, and my reply was ‘someday you will know the answer by yourself’ but she never understood me. What I learnt in life, if any person is honest and loyal, they never get, what they wished, a man with the cheating heart can win everyone and everything. Humans are the greatest creation of GOD but also the worst; their nature always to cheat each other and fulfill their own desire, they never think of anyone side of them, then they get into the top. All the great people in this world were failed to study human nature and also failed to make them understand, even the prophets of all religion, till last the they sacrificed their lives for humans but still we couldn’t understood what is the different between right and wrong ways of life. Maybe someday my little wife will come across this story and will sit and read it using spectacles on her eyes and hope she will realize and get her answer, how much her husband loved her. Life is full of war, whoever wins it, they’re the king or queen, and those who lose, they are left behind in dark. I left my life for someone who can realizes someday and feel the pain I went through and the way someone made her husband a loser, someday. I loved her so much which no one can give her and she will never find a person like her husband, who never cared about money, wealth or any other things in life but one and only HER. I will be always with sitting side of her, looking after her; I will be now and forever. I passed long days is this island and my health can’t lead me any further, I was too sick and slowly laid down on the bed of sand, I can feel the warmness of this earth and smell the nature. And spoke to myself, this time i let you go, but in next life, if i return again, i will never let you go and will defiantly overcome my mistakes, if i have done any and will make you a better woman. My heart beat decreasing every minute and vision became blur, couldn’t move my body, just felt like the dream I saw many years back, I am seeing her running to me and crying and I am saying myself, it’s not real but still I can feel her side of me and spoke to her for the last time ‘promise, you will never leave me’ and I heard her saying ‘I am always with’ I felt relax and closed my eyes, in few seconds everything turned into darkness……….




SENDING THIS LOVE TO MY LITTLE BIRD, NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, MY LOVE WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW YOU. I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU IN YOUR EVERY STEP. GOD BLESS YOU


IN MEMORY OF A GOOD FRIEND


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