My Silly First Love

Clarissa Nicole

This isn't exactly a sad story, especially if you've never experienced it yourself. This is my real story, and i'm sticking to it. And hey, non-english speaker here! Just keep in mind if there's typo or grammatical error.

I met him when i was 6 years old. It was my first day in primary school, and i was scared to death, seeing how shy and awkward i was. I didn't exactly remember how i met him, but i remember some little details of moments I had with him that time. He was the cheerful type, the one kid that always knows how to make you laugh, the kid that always has smartass comments to teachers, the kid everyone adores.

When i was just in second grade, i knew i adored him. Being friends with him, I kept forgetting how shy i was, and became loud and cheerful myself. He never played with his friends without telling me to play along, he was so kind, like some kind of protector. Do you know how much kids' words sting? I got that a lot from my primary friends, and i remember some moments where he stood up for me, and then kept telling me how that was all not true. I didn't remember much about second grade, but i remember how i told my parents everyday how awesome he were, and i told my parents that he was my boyfriend, which my parents just laughed it off and told me how cute i was.

When i was in third grade, we became inseparable. He sat behind me in class, and i remember that he would smile his toothy grin every time i turned my head to the back. Many kids thought that we were dating and went all "guys! Look at them! They're touching!" And then my class'd go crazy over us. I remember many teachers would just smile at us and everytime there was a group project, the teacher would put us into the same group on purpose. He was my hero, and even though i was just in third grade, I knew in that moment that I like him, a lot.

When i was in fourth grade, he sat beside me. We talked all the time, even when the teacher was talking, and then the teacher'd often tell us to go outside because we were so noisy. He knew all the things i liked and disliked, or the kids in my class that i hated, or even the small things like what i usually bought in the cafeteria at lunch, or what color i liked most on my pencils. I told him every stories i had without any doubt, and so was he. I noticed that he liked to play with the edge of his pen with his teeth, that sometimes I liked to laugh about because all his pen would end up with strange shapes. I noticed the way he would grip a bunch of his hair everytime he did a math problem. I noticed how full of spirit he was when he talked about football or when he played football, and how awesome he was at it. I noticed how he looked at me in class, when he thought i wasn't looking. And everytime he did, my heart was full. I don't know how to explain it, but i think it was what happiness felt like, to have the most favorite person in the world with you. To be with you.

Still in the fourth grade, second semester, I had my first love letter.
I remember every details of it. It goes like this:

"I like you a lot. How many percent do you like me back?"

And i knew a lot that it was his messy handwriting, and i never felt that happy in my life before. Start from that day, we became girlfriend and boyfriend, lol. Its silly to think about it remembering that now im a senior in high school, but it was so pure, not like relationship nowadays where Theres so many lies.

We became more inseparable that day. He understood me, in a way that even my parents couldn't. He always knew what to do when i was in a badmood, and he'd often embrace my shoulders, and say "don't worry, we got this," everytime i faced a problem. It was pure gustures thats so hard to received these days, and Im so grateful i ever had him in my life. And when i was just in fourth grade, i knew i was in love.

Through the end of second semester, i still remember so clearly the day he told me he 'may or may not' liked other girl. And the other girl was my bestfriend. As a fourth grader, i didn't know what heartbroken felt like yet, so i was mad. Mad at him, mad at my so called best friend, and myself. I doubted myself that time, questioning "am i not pretty enough? Or too fat? Or maybe i became boring?" I didn't know what the thoughts were called 'anxiety', but i felt it. Maybe that was the day i knew what people are capable of, and i hate it.

He still sat beside me. We talked about common topics sometimes, to occasionally, to didn't talk at all. And it felt sad. And strange. To be awkward to the person that was so meaningful before. So i asked for the teacher to change my seat. And that was the day i didn't talk to him at all since the first day in primary school. It was so strange to not talk to him, or to not come to him whenever i have new stories, and it was so sad to think that i've lost someone that i can talk to.

When i was in fifth grade, the home teacher was new and decided to pick the seats for us. He was again seated next to me. We started to talk again. He said he missed me. He said he was sorry. He said he was so stupid. And it sounded so sincere. Maybe because we missed each others, or maybe because we learned to forget about what happened, so we started to become bestfriends like before. Maybe we both were scared to lose each other again, so we silently decided to just be bestfriends. And even though we were just bestfriends, his treated me all the same like before. We were once again became inseparable.

When we reached sixth grade, i still liked him. A lot. Even much more than before. And his friends also said that he still liked me. But still with the same reason, we were still bestfriends. We grew a lot in sixth grade. And because maybe we grew much mature, we started to share a more special bond. As i grew, looking back, i realized how much he meant for me, and how many things he did for me.

He was always there to protect me, through my ups and downs. I once went to a mall with only my cousin, and my cousin had to practice for an event at that mall. So practically i was left all alone. He then showed up at the mall to keep me company, all alone, with a taxi. And please keep in kind that we were just in sixth grade.
What more can i say about him? He was so caring, and always took the blame whenever we fought, even though i was the one who made the fault. He always gave me little presents, not the expensive ones, but the little things that were more valuable.

When it was graduation day, I cried. We had a different junior high, and i knew that i'd lose him. It was like losing a half part of me. You'd never know that kind of feeling, until you experienced it yourself.

We still stay in contact until right now. And up until now, he will always have that special spot in me, no matter until how long.

Thank you for ever being a part of my life, being my true friend, a brother, a lover and protector. Thankyou for sharing your first silly love with me, and thankyou for experiences and feelings you gave. You won't ever be forgotten and i hope we meet soon enough.

Thankyou, Fabian.