Missing her

Charity

Hi my name is Charity.
I was always told sharing what happened would make me feel better, so here it goes.

It takes about two days (when I was 11 years old) before the "Incident", back where my stepdad and my mom got into a fight, they barely argued but when they did it was BAD! The night of the fight I was laying in my bedroom just listening as my stepdad and mom fought. They threw stuff at each other (Phones, chairs, books etc.) Eventually they started claiming things and starting hitting each other. I cried myself till I couldn't cry anymore, until I fell asleep to them screaming. When I got up my stepdad was still mad and my mom was crying her heart out as I tried to comfort her.

We begged and begged for my stepdad not to leave us, but he wouldn't even talk to us.
Eventually night came and they screamed themselves into another big argument. I kept thinking of what might happen, Soon enough I feel asleep.

The next day my mom took her regular sleeping pills while I was helping her with something and when she went to sleep she slept for about a two days..

I walked into the living room the next day and I see snow prints everywhere and I look up to see my grandpa and my stepdad and one of my moms friends, they're eyes filled with tears.
I asked what was wrong and my grandpa came right out and said it, "Charity, your mother is dead." he sobbed.

Of coarse my mom wasn't the best but I still loved her! I couldn't believe it, I tried to think of silly excuses why this couldn't be true. But instead I started to cry and I practically kept crying and couldn't stop for what seemed hours on end. I still can't believe I slept through my own mothers death! I missed a whole week of school. In this school I only had one friend, and she wasn't really a friend! If I hadn't done what she wanted she wouldn't talk to me for days and she would always take advantage of me and brag to me on how HER life is worse! Geez why would she even say stuff like that!
And because of her every kid who new me in my school hated me because of her influence. I guess I was just so desperate for a friend... And I only realized what was going on until we got into an argument (like usual) and I said what I felt, and it ended in something like this:

Me: I am always doing what you want! Why can't you do something for me!

My "Friend": Well at least my moms not dead!

At that second I broke into tears and ran out of the classroom. Not until that moment I did not realize she was never really my friend. A friend would never hurt someone like that.


About a month later my stepdad and my grandma were going to court deciding who got me. My real dad (Who was in jail at the time) was siding with my grandma. And probably the most happy thing that could have happen at that moment was when my grandma won. Later that summer after I got back from a camp I found out my Stepdad died. And during the year of this crazy, stupid, useless world, I found out my real dad and mom never got married and that I had three dead siblings, a brother and twin siblings.

And to this day I still cry myself to sleep.. Wondering if I could have stopped her from dying..