Keep still loving him

PinkMolly

last year I went on a school camp, it was a survival camp so it meant no showers or actual toilets. i was at my worst (looked really bad). there was guy that was on the camp that i really liked. we ended up making out in the tents while everyone else was having fun and making dinner and no one noticed us gone. we talked alot after that for a few weeks but it slowly died down.

On the summer holidays there was a beach party that i was invited to, i went and took a best friend with me because i wasn't sure if anyone i really liked would be there... I was wrong, he was there, the i liked. we talked alot that night and my friend ditched me to hangout with some others. I was quite drunk and had absolutely no clue what i was doing. he wasn;t drunk though, he didnt drink that night becaise he had work the next day. he took me home and stayed till i fell asleep. when i woke up the next day there was a note from him saying the things i did last night, i laughed reading it.

on new years there was another party and i went and guess who was there? yep, him. we had a new years kiss and this time i wasn't pissed off my face thankfully because he wasnt either. we went back to his and i was kind of scared that he would want to have sex (I'm still a virgin) but he didnt, we just layed in bed and talked and eventually fell asleep.

we talked quite alot for a few weeks and again it slowly died down. later on in the year there was another school camp, it was a really really really bud ride to gte to our destination. we drove through the night and into the next day. hey but guess who i sat with the whole time? HIM! we made out along the way at night. the next day we stopped at a truckstop to get food, i wen to the bathroom and i had hickeys nearly all over my neck, thankfully i had a scarf to hide them. On the way back from the camp we made out again but this there was touvhing, he put his hand down my bra but i stopped him from getting down there. i toucvhed him too. we got home and i didnt hear from him for a few days and i got so upset becaise i couldnt stop thinking about him, he was constantly on my mind. this is when i started to realise i was falling for him, HARD.

a few days later, another camp, we went to an island. i didnt talk to him much on this camp and it really killed becuse he was in my group for studies and getting data and whatnot. we would only talk about the task and noithing else. He didnt even look at me much.
the second day of the camp he started tuning and flirting with aniother girl, right in front of me. I was about to cry becaise he knows how i feel about him, maybe not to extent of loving him but he knew. that night, I walked into our room that we were in and the girl he was flirting with was bunking wiht me, i walked in and he was in there and so was she but i ignored it. they were sitting beside eachother on the bed and talking and laughing, i was so jealous. when it was time to put the lights out i thought he would leave to go back to his room, he didn;t, he stayed.. woith her, they had the lamp on beside them and i could see everything, i dont think they noticed but i was watching almost everything they did. about 1 hour after, they kissed, i couldn't help it, i ran out of the room slamming the door behind me. my best friend came running after me, but he didnt.

few days after the camp, he messaged me on facebook and acted like everything was fine with us but i didnt talk much and said i wanted to sleep but i didnt.
the next day at school he came and sat with my group, he wasn;'t talking to me alot but he made some eye contact. the other girl came over amnd sat wiht him, they talked alot, when she got up to leave, he got up and hugged her and then sat back down. the next day a friend and i were talking about him and she said he mentioned to her about kissing me on the bus and then she said he also mentioned that it was only a one time thing even though she knew about the other camp she went along with it. hearing the "Only a one time thing" broke me completely. i dont know how to feel anymore, my heart is shattered into a million pieces and i cry nearly every night, he hasn't been at school for a few days, i know something is up, but i don't think i want to bother him, it was only a one time thing after all.

it may have been just one time thing to him and he may haven broken me but i still love him, he still means alot to me