With all of my love, Will

em:)

It's pretty awful to know someone who died. You know what's even worse? When it's someone you love. I'm Emily, and I'm 17. Let me start from the beginning, all the way back to Friday. Will, my boyfriend, and I were watching a movie in his basement. Some sappy movie i forced him to watch with me. He's a good boyfriend to put up with the things i make him do. Anyway, we were watching this sappy movie. He was sitting against the corner of the couch with his legs stretched out, and i was in the middle of them, leaning my back against his chest with his arms wrapped around me, and his face buried partially in my long red/blonde hair. He leaned his head around mine and used his pointer finger and middle finger to turn my head gently and softly kissed my lips. It was a slow soft kiss but nothing too long. I turned back around with a smile on my lightly freckled face, blushed a soft pink, and bit my lip. I couldn't concentrate on the movie anymore. I just wanted to kiss him again. I turned my head around and kissed his lips, he grinned and put his hand on the side of my face. I turned the rest of my body toward him and put my hands on either side of his face. I loved it when i could feel his smile on my lips. He always seemed to smile when i kissed him. After the movie was over, we stayed in the basement in the same position, talking, and an occasional kiss or two.

Will and i have a mutual friend group, and amongst our friend group is my best friend, Elizabeth. We call her Ellie though. She and Will are great friends too but Ellie and I have been inseparable since the third grade. After the movie with Will, Ellie came over and stayed the night. "Ellie I don't really know what to do about AP Physics, I need the college credit it gives me, but damn! I never thought a class could be so hard." Ellie shrugged, "I don't know what you should do either, I mean you still have an A, so I would say stay in it but if you don't want to, then drop the class." I just changed the subject because it was frustrating me. "Oh my god!" Ellie shrieked. "What!?" I leaned across the pillows on the bed to look over her shoulder at her phone. "That creeper guy 'marc1456'DM'd me again!" My eyes widened, "What did he say?!!" I exclaimed. "He asked me for my number again, I'm just going to block him," she clicked on his account and hit block. "ugh ew why won't he leave you alone and who is he?" "I don't know!" "Whatever, just don't answer him at all anymore."

I woke up in the morning on Saturday, and looked over at Ellie who was sound asleep. I shook her, "Get up El, we're going for a run," Ellie and I always go on 7 am runs every Saturday morning. "Let me brush my teeth first." she slipped out of my purple duvet and sauntered towards the bathroom. "Maybe I'll call Will and he can come with us," "Sure," I heard the sink turn on while i slipped on my black and blue Nike shorts. "So how was your little date with Will last night?" I looked in the mirror at my wavy hair and threw it into a sloppy ponytail. "Good, he brought me the yellow roses I love," I began tying my shoe laces. "aw that's nice." I smiled a little bit, "Yeah hes a keeper." After i had laced both in a careful knot, i picked up my phone and called will. Ellie spit her toothpaste and tied her shoelaces I hung up the phone with Will. "He's going to meet us at the Target by the ice cream shop. "Okay, cool, let's go,"

We turned the corner into the parking lot of Target. "Where is Will?" Ellie asked me. "I don't kn-" All the sudden there were arms around my waist and i was off the ground. I laughed as Will spun me around. He set me back on the ground and kissed me. "Did i scare you?" he grinned. I rolled my eyes and he kissed my nose and draped his arm around my shoulders. "Hello Elizabeth," he said obnoxiously, knowing that she hates it when he calls her by her real name. She smiled and replied "Hello William." he hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Okay so do you want to grab a coffee first or would you rather start running now?" he asked. When I exhaled, you could see my breathe in the crisp December air. I then realized how cold my fingertips and toes were. "Lets grab a coffee I'm freezing." Will pulled me into his chest and rubbed his hand up and down on my arm in an attempt to warm me up. "Here, let me run in and I'll bring the cups back out here," I offered. "Okay, here, I'll pay," Will handed me his debit. "K, I'll be right back," I ran in, ordered Ellie and Will's usuals, and bought myself a decaf chai.

I pushed the door open with my back, and as i spun around to head towards the bench they had sat at before i went in, my eyes widened with shock. I dropped the coffee, and it splattered all over my legs and feet. Everything was moving in slow motion. I didn't think about anything as I began to sprint. "Ellie!" I screamed. Will was covered in blood, kneeling down in the road. Ellie was laying under the front bumper of a black pickup truck. Her chest, head, arms, legs, neck and hair all crusted in copper blood. Her emerald eyes staring open at the sky, no movement in them. I lifted her head and neck off the ground onto my lap. "Ellie!" I screamed again, my eye rims spilling over with tears like waterfalls. I cradled her head in my arms and bent my head over hers. I squeezed my eyes shut and rocked back in forth with her beautiful face cradled in my hands. I was covered in her blood, but I didn't care. I spoke to her over and over trying to get her to respond as a crowd gathered. A woman with a little boy covered hie eyes and steered him the other way. The flashing lights of the ambulance, the whirring of everyone around me, the bloodstained clothes, and the faces of all the gatherers were all just a blur of vision. All i could focus on was Ellie. I kept checking her face to see if there was any movement. But no matter how many times I checked her face, nothing moved.

Next thing I knew, I was in a hospital waiting room. Will's arm was around me, and my dad was holding my opposite hand. My mother was in Venice on a mission trip for our church, and when she heard about Ellie's... accident.. she got the fastest flight she could but she couldn't be here for another 2 days. Doctors walked by, back and forth, but not one stopped to tell us anything about Ellie. Will hadn't said a word since we were in the back of the ambulance. But even then, he was praying for Ellie, nothing else. I still have no idea what happened when i went into that coffee shop. I wasn't going to ask until he wanted to tell me. I hadn't said a word since i held Ellie's head in my arms. My dad stood up and walked to the counter. I saw him talking to the nurse receptionist behind the counter. She shook her head and i could make out the word "sorry" but that's all i could understand. We had all been up for over 18 hours in the waiting room. I hadn't slept a single wink the entire time, how could I? Will had closed his eyes but never slept.

At around 2 Am, a doctor approached our section of the waiting room. I couldn't tell whether he had good or bad news from looking at his face. He looked at me, "Are you Emily?" I picked my head up off Will's shoulder, and released my Dad's hand. Everyone sat up a little straighter. "Yes," I stood up and straightened my shirt. "Elizabeth is asking for you, she keeps murmuring your name. Will you please come with me?" I nodded vigorously. I followed him down a white hall; it smelled like latex and hand sanitizer. He stopped in front of a door with the number 312 on a copper plate next to the door. He put his hand on the door handle, and slowly opened the door to a dimly lit room. It was bigger than i imagined. I saw a lump of bandages, tubes, wires and blankets, and soon realized that it was my best friend. I could hear the monitor in the background beeping in synch with her heartbeat, which was a good sign. She was still alive. She didn't look alive. I slowly walked over to her bed. I laid my hand on top of hers, and her eyes fluttered ever so slightly. "Em-" "shh its okay, don't talk." I stroked her hand with my thumb as a single tear slipped from my eye down my cheek. I sniffled and looked at the floor. I tried my best not to cry in front of her, she needed to gain some hope from me. I knew by looking at her, and hearing the monitor falter every now and then, that she wasn't going to make it much longer. More tears. I walked around her bed to the other side, pulled back the sheets, and climbed in next to her. I held her hand and cried onto her shoulder. I told her over and over how much i love her and how much she meant to me and everyone she met. i reminded her of all of our inside jokes and our good times. I swear i saw her smile. I sung a line from our favorite song and told her that it would never sound the same without her. Then, when i saw her wince in pain, and when i heard the monitor slow down, another tear slipped from my eyes. I laid my head on her shoulder and whispered "You can let go now, you can let go now Ellie." I cried one more single tear into her hair and kissed her forehead, just when i heard the monitor flat line. Nurses ran in and everything turned frantic as i walked towards the door. I opened it, but paused before i stepped into the hall. I turned my head and took one last glance at the beautiful face of my best friend, then walked out the door of room 312.

When i reached the waiting room, everyone stood up and took a step towards me. Nobody had so ask anything, i began sobbing and sunk to the floor in a meltdown of tears. My dad and Will knelt down beside me and put their hand on my back, or hugged my head against their chests. They both cried too. I sat on the floor and sobbed until i fell asleep right there on the floor of the waiting room against the wall. When I woke up, I was in the back seat of my dad's Honda. I hoped it was all a dream, but I knew it wasn't. I stared out the window and tried not to think about Ellie. But in the reflection of the glass, I saw the empty seat next to me and couldn't help but wish Ellie was in it. I squeezed my eyes shut and laid my forehead against the cold glass of the car window. I fell back asleep.

I woke up in the morning with the white glow of the morning sun pouring through my bedroom window. About an hour later, my dad knocked on my bedroom door. He poked his head in my room, "You awake?" I rolled over and looked at him. After i looked at him for a few moments, my mouth pulled down in the corners and my eyes watered up, and eventually spilled over. My chest fluttered with sobs and my dad sat next to me in my bed hugging me and rocking back and forth like i had to Ellie in the street. He kept saying "It's gonna be okay em" and kissing my head. Why did he keep saying that? It was never going to be better, no matter how "strong" i was, it wasn't going to bring back my best friend.

When i had calmed down, I asked him how i got inside last night. "Will carried you in," Will. "How is he?" My dad frowned. "He's taking it pretty hard kiddo." "Why?" My dad frowned again. "He feels like it's his fault he didn't save her." I was confused. "I never found out the story of what actually happened, what did happen daddy?" He seemed hesitant about telling me, "Well, while you were getting coffee, Will and Elizabeth were-" "Ellie," He stopped, "what?" I sighed, "Ellie. Dad, her name is Ellie, don't call her Elizabeth, she doesn't like that." He rubbed my shoulder, "I know, I'm sorry. Anyways Will and- Ellie.. were messing around in the street, when a car came barreling around that corner, and Will saw it, but was in shock and couldn't say anything. So, the car hit Ellie as she was bending down in the street to grab her phone that Will had dropped in the road. He believes its his fault that he didn't warn her, or that he dropped the phone in the road." I looked up at my dad, "but that's crazy, it wasn't his fault! He didn't do anything wrong!" My dad nodded, "I know that but he was pretty shaken up over it."

I called Will 4 times that day. He never answered a single one. When we went to the service that night for Ellie, where we spoke our eulogies, he wasn't there. I called him two more times after the service, but again, there was no response. My dad offered to drive me home, but I told him I could drive myself and I would stop at Will's house on the way to check up on him. When I reached his house, I pulled into his driveway, and parked my car in the usual spot next to his garage door. I used the key his parents had given me to get in. "Will?" I shouted into the silent house. While walking up the steps, I called again "Will?" No answer. I checked the office, the book room, the kitchen, the basement, and i was on my way to his room when i heard a loud shot ring through the house. I panicked, not knowing where it came from or who had shot it. I ran out the door into the driveway, got in my car and drove a few blocks away. I called the police as soon as i was a safe distance away from the house.

When i returned to the house about 30 minutes later, there were 2 cop cars, 1 firetruck, and two ambulances. Everyone was running around, hanging caution tape and bringing medical equipment in and out of the house. That's when I noticed the men in the coroners jackets. I sprinted up to the policeman standing near the door, "What happened?! This is my boyfriend's house, im the one who called you guys, whats happened?!!" The man looked sympathetic, put his hand on my shoulder and said "I'm afraid your boyfriend committed suicide today miss." My world came spinning down in a whirring crash. Five men in bulky jackets wheeled a filled body bag on a gurnie out the front door, and Will's parents were sitting on the front porch, crying hysterically.

I later was allowed to read the suicide note addressed to me, after it was released from the police station. it read: Emily, I'm sorry about this, and I'm sorry I let Ellie get hit by that car. It was all my fault, and I couldn't live with myself knowing that. So I decided not to. I love you, I hope you can live the rest of your life without me, because i guess now you have to. with all of my love, Will"