The "Happy Mask"

Jill

Having everything yet feeling empty is quite a weird feeling. Smiling to others when you feel like you want to cry and just die just eats you up. Saying your 'fine' when really you're not is more than just a lie, it's a weapon that breaks you every time.

Putting on a mask of a happy face on everyday and acting like a happy person is very tiring. Because you know that if you show your true face, you will be hated, you will be beaten up, and you'll be scolded and lectured. People will tell you "You have no right to be sad!", "You have no reason to be tired when you didn't even do a single thing!"

The people around me just don't realize just how hard I work to play the role as the happy-go-lucky child. They never realized how much I've been hurt because of this mask, this emotion called "happiness". I never was happy, I was really just an emotionless brat that followed whatever people wanted me to do, what they wanted me to become. They decided everything for me, and I was used to it.

The mask I wore everyday, the "happy mask", it gets thicker and thicker everyday, making me have a hard time breathing everyday. The risk of me suffocating just gets higher and higher, and once I cant take it anymore, I take off the mask and my true colors show.

"How weak," they would say. Calling me ugly, a fatty, a liar, a weirdo, they would call me a millions of names just because of my true face.

I just wanted to breathe... Did they really want me to die that badly? Did they really want me to suffocate from the lack of air? I was choking on my tears, did they really want me to die? Or was it just because I didn't have the right to live, did they decide that too?


How annoying, these people. To think I'm bound to them by blood. To think that they are the people who should know me best, but don't they know? I'm already dying inside. I've been crying, screaming, begging, yet they never heard anything. They pretend not to. They walk away as if there was nothing there...

The mask that I am forced to wear, the chains that bound me to this bottomless pit, the people above, who are probably laughing at me and don't even give a damn about me, hear my plea, bear my screams, ignore these tears and blood that I shed right in front of you, hate me for all I care, but remember the face of the actress that wore the "happy mask", try saying I love you to the monster you've made her become.