I'm sorry I left you

Jillian L

I was 14 when this happened.

I was on Facebook one day and I was going through my friend requests so I requested to be this guy names Steven to be my friend. A few days later he accepted it. We started messaging and getting to know each other. After about a month we exchanged phone numbers and emails. I grew on him and he grew on me. We started to show how much we like each other.

One day he asked me on Facebook if I had Skype and so I gave him my skype. That night we were on skype for 3 hours. We talked about music and I met his brother. He later asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Like all girls do when they really like someone I said yes. We were together for about a month. Then out of no where he messages me saying " I can't be with you anymore". When I read that I cried so much. I whispered to my self " what did I do? I love you! Why doesn't he love me back?" I called him that night so I could know why he ended this. He was afraid that his dad would get mad at him.

A few weeks later we forgot that we were even together so he thought. We talked on the phone every night. He used to sing to me a lot and talk about his dogs. One night he was singing a song called Battleships by Daughtry. I fell in love with the song. Especially when he sang it.

A few months later we got into a big fight. He was lying about having paranoia. So I emailed him this :
I'm fucking done with your shit and I asked for you to not push me but you did anyway i even said please don't push me so if I asked for you to not to if we were with each other you wouldn't reaspect my order and I can't trust you ever again cause you would still do it anyway. You think you can have everything your way but you can't because there are other people's way and you should respect that you are not the only person that exists on this planet but you aren't other people exist and I care about you but I am not so sure about that. you should not get my love and affection anymore. I thought that you really changed from the last time I was with you but you haven't changed a single bit. You little shit so fuck you and I hope you don't come crying back to me cause I have had it with you so much I can't handle it and you lie. Every word you say is a lie and I don't want to deal with it. Also I know that every word I say just goes in one ear and straight out the other. Your eyes are sealed shut and you won't be bothered to open them I have mine open wide but you still have them closed. You have had yours closed for some time now and now I see why all of your ex's cheated on you because you are a liar and a fucking ass hole. You also have you head shoved up your ass so far you don't even know what to do with your self. You can't pull it out cause you are too stupid to know how to.

Going back to the whole paranoia crap that you are trying to pull you are just a fucking liar you don't even know how it feels to have paranoia. I can tell that you don't and all you are doing that for is attention. That is all you want pitty and attention. Well you can go find some one stupid enough to believe you and have fun with that because I am not dealing with it. Also if you had paranoia you wouldn't even pick up the phone. You would be way to scared to even be around people and to go out side. You would be in a well lit locked room with a knife every noise you hear you would be on alert and you would get no sleep and you would almost starve yourself to death until you finally convinced your self to eat. I have to convince all of my paranoia friends to eat each and every day.
You need to understand that other people exist and I shouldnt put time and effort on something that just flushes it down the drain and doesn't give time and effort back. All you do is take and take you never give back. I have been there for you and all of your problems and I bothered to take time to call you and talk to you and see how you are doing you didn't do that at all a single bit so I am not doing that anymore and everything I am saying now you are just going to ignore cause that is what you do best. Why bother trying to help you become a better person when you don't even care. Right now you need severe help or you are going to get no where in life if you keep this crap up. I don't even why I am taking my time right now to reach out to you and help you when all you are going to do is nothing you are just going to keep doing what you are doing and not change I am trying in my best effort to help you but you are doing nothing in return and you aren't changing.

We haven't talked since and I really miss him... I have tried to take my life because of how much pain I am in. Steven if you are reading this I still love you and I'm sorry.