Darkness.........

Zero

I hope your happy because I'm the one who was casted into this darkness broken, battered and used. I remember when i
first meet u. I was friends with your bros and one day we were talking about video games before class freshmen year. It
was Friday and we were ready for the weekend. They asked me to come hang out over at your house to play rock band. I said sure why not? just tell me when and where and I'll b there. They told me Saturday around 1pm and gave me directions. So Saturday rolls around and i headed over there. I acted casual cause it was someone elses house you saw me but i didn't see you till later. While playing video games put of the corner of my eye i see you texting your bro. Being carefree i don't pay too much attention and started focusing back on the game. After a few hours i had to go home. A month or so passed by and then one day in class your bros told me "my sister likes you and wants to talk to,
u want her number?" I said yeah cause i wanted a gf. That was mistake number 1. Anyway we go to talking and getting
to know each other and eventually i asked u out. You said yeah and we went to the movie theater to c iron man. The whole time u were quiet so i thought i get u to laugh by telling u a joke. i did get u to laugh but only for a short while. As the movie went on i told u some jokes here and there getting u to giggle. After the movie i had my mom (who tagged along to watch us) drive u home. We got to your house and i gave you hug good night then left for home. On the way back you texted me saying you had a good time and u wanted to see me more. I agreed. So 2 months went by and we were always seeing each other but you would never speak to me in person only through texts.I'm still baffled to why you didn't talk to me in person. Then came the day u wanted to have a real kiss with me. We planned to kiss around 10 or
so cause i was spending the night and i agreed as usual. When i asked you about it when the time was close at hand you wigged out at me saying I'm rushing and I'm pushy and you locked yourself in your room the whole night....i couldn't even see
you. Then came that txt "we r though leave me alone". my heart sunk when i saw that and ur bros noticed my mood had
changed and asked what was wrong so i told them that you broke up with me and i was upset by it and they promised me
that they would talk to you. My dad called me to say he was coming to get me earlier than he had said for whatever
reason. so around 8 am i got my stuff packed up, i got dressed and walked like a shadow down the stairs past your
room. Ur mom was the only 1 up and asked y i was up so i told her and she was like ok want something to eat? I politely refused cause i wasn't hungry and i still was feeling a pain in heart cause we broke up. So my dad picked me up
and had me help him out with some errands and feeling heartbroken i didn't even bother to argue. So while we we're
running errands i got a text from you saying I'm sorry i want u back and i said ok i want you back too. That was mistake
number 2. So our relationship continued for a while longer (3 weeks or so) and you broke up with me again and a day
later we got back together again. That was mistake number 3 right there, letting it continue like this. I didn't
care what was going on with us (dating or temporary break up) the only thing i wanted was you. I felt like I finally
founded someone who i could have a long relationship with, i had strongly believed i had found true love in u. That was mistake number 4. As the on and off relationship continued for a few months i was constantly being dealt pain to my heart by u.When the final break up rolled around i was devastated. i had laid on the floor like i was in a coffin for hours just staring at the ceiling with no express while the TV was on. A while later i discovered you only used me to get stuff from me. That was a serious blow to my heart. I had real feelings for u and u only used me saying i was your first love etc. All i know is for almost 2 years now I've been single dealing with this hellish pain that i know too well now. I was casted away for u so u could go out with one of my friends even when you told me you
had a rule of don't date your ex's friends. you just said f**k it and went out with him. Now i spend my days in pain, i
cant even remember what happiness is anymore, the only thing i feel is pain, loneliness and sorrow cause you tore me
up inside. The darkness of my room has become my sanctuary from reality....from the constant pain. 3 months after we broke up i was sitting in the dark listening to music that fit my mood which was sad as hell. I realized that maybe ill never be loved, maybe i wont ever have my first kiss or any of my other firsts, maybe i wont ever experience happiness ever again. It was then i realized i have zero in this life to live for. I promised myself in the ever silent darkness that ill NEVER no matter what the situation is commit suicide to free myself from this pain. Even to today i still remember that vow and i still very well know that pain that has settled within me. Ive done something even u will never do and that's conquer the darkness that resides inside yourself. Ever since I've done that I've haven't dreamed since. All i see when i sleep is darkness....a reminder that i cant feel much anymore. I've finally gotten over you and realized that you are not important to me anymore even though you still text me trying to hurt me more, you cant harm my heart anymore cause it doesn't exist anymore. There is just a hole where it used to be. Now i just wait to see if some girl can come help me regain my ability to love again but i think I'll forever be waiting hiding behind a mask so my friends don't see the monster I've become because of u.......