i'm so stupid

michaelsims

so i just finish reading a story called i broke my promise and i thought if (s)he could tell about the time (s)he had wrong someone by doing one of the worse things that you could do to someone in my case and that is breaking your promise and getting rid of an trust that the person had i thought i should get this off my chest and i'll feel better about it (mind the spelling i again said i'm stupid and have a great problem with spelling) a little back story. growing up i didn't have a good life but i try not to whine because i know people who had it worse than me. i got bullied day and night. i never felt safe anywhere my brother just thought of me as a toy and a pounching bag. he never treated me like brothers should he used me to "relieve" himself of his (forgive me for this) stiffy (if you know what i mean) he was a nasty human being.

i was in second grade i didn't get bullied allot but i didn't have many friends. maybe one or to here and there but not allot of friends. the one friend that i could remember was a girl named lilly she had blond hair and blue eyes and i thought she was the only girl in the world. on day she gave me her number and i stole my brothers phone to call her. when my brother had found out he took the phone and started to hit me. we then got into a fight that my dad had to break up he was not happy about and said the only reason why we fought was because of me and that i start all the fights and stuff like i'm a little idiot and many many more things.

third grade came along and my family had just moved into a new house. i was going to a new school but sadly just like second grade i didn't make allot of friends nut things got worse because i started to get bullied at school and more at home. so started to build up a anger (which soon we would find out to me being bipolar) and people started to be afraid of me and i hated it so when i would go home i would make up my own world. everyone in the house thought i was annoying and would tell me to shut up allot. then fourth grade came along and things just got worse the bulling. then i failed fourth grade and got bullied by my brother and my whole family took the time to call me stupid and dumba++ and many more names. second year of fourth grade i still got bullied but it started to die down because i started to through things. and people where afraid of me. i made two friends though. fifth grade i made a few more friends one of them had help me with the bulling problem.

sixth grade just got worse, seventh got a little better people stop talking about me.

and now we get to the story. so at the start of eighth grade i made friends with a white kid named ryan and he had played the knife game with knife and other sharp objects that he could get his hands on. he showed me the knife game and i started to play it. it started out as something that we had did for fun but with me it turned in to self harm.one of my friends that i made in fifth grade jewel knew and didn't like it. every day she would nag me about saying things like stop it and you could hurt your self but i did not care and kept on doing it. one day while she was writing she had her jacket sleeve rolled up and i saw thin red marks. i went to the library and checked out a book on self harm and found out what those then marks where and asked her why. she told me why and asked her to stop she told me when you stop i'll stop. we ended up fighting about it and came up with a deal. if i promised her i'll stop she'll promise me she'll stop so we did stop hurting our self. then ninth grade came along(what i'm in now) and i was depressed about being lonly and started to cut my self again. i saw jewel and we started talking i looked at her arm and saw the faded scars and asked her she stop she said yeah i made a promise and it ment allot to me then she looked at me and asked if i stop i could no longer look at her and whispered no she was very made at me and stopped talking to me.

if you make a promise keep it because losing a friend is not worth it.