Hold on

Walker

I'll start this one with a quote from Sarah Elle Emme-
"I bled onto pages
To spare you grief I was holding inside,
Blood mixed with my tears, my ink
wove a desperate tale of another time,
As pages climbed towards another sky
the burn in my chest began to subside,
Till the pain lie dormant once more
and the blood, tears and ink had nearly run dry."

I'll be honest here. I've had learnt not to believe in love, or people who believed that you couldn't go on in life without love. I was in love once upon a time, we were kids and the girl I loved was 'taken away from me because God had to call his angel back home, so she could look over me better,' as they said. She made me promise that I will go on in life no matter what, make world a beautiful place as we always dreamed and come back to her only when it was as she saw in her heart, so we could be born again and live together forever.
Years passed by and I realised how foolish we are as we are young, and hollow were the dreams we dream. Never there is a perfect world and fairytales only end up being 'happy forever after.' Life is no box of chocolates and not always is there someone for you to walk the stormy path with.

Having found nothing to hold onto this life, the inevitable day arrived when I decided to cease my meaningless existence. In death perhaps I might find life, I thought to myself. And as the cold blade ran through the wrists, blood rushed out as if desperate to break free of all bonds. Everything slowly faded away and darkness swept over, and I found myself wearing smile, thinking maybe it was all that was meant to be. Or this was where perhaps everything was meant to change. As the moment approached closer, I felt her voice echoing my mind, asking me not to give up this soon. She cried and begged me not to succumb to the dark, and that this wasn't time for me to come back.. That the dream was yet to come true.

Needless to say I recovered from the attempt. But something she said had struck me so hard. She said, "hold on enough and life will never cease to amaze you."

Months passed by and her words somehow got through me. It's the small things that bring you hope and joy they said and don't know why I found myself looking up to it. And so began my journey on a different path this time. Little things like chirping of the birds I fed or the look in the eyes of a little homeless man when I offered him my sweater.. The stray dog I patted and took home with me, the way he wiggles his tai when he sees me and makes me play with him.

Something had happened to me and honestly I don't know what it was. Some night I gasped and woke up, water drops forming behind my eyes, just like countless nights before. I let them flow free till my heart ran out. I cried, and I cried so loud that the heaven could hear. Maybe I finally had become free of something happened to me long long ago. Maybe that was it.

I wondered what cards had life to unfold yet as one day I found myself looking for a lady who sold love. Part of me told me that what I was doing was wrong. But as they say, love is found where you don't expect it at all and desperate times had called for desperate measures. I was clearly not thinking straight the time.

There came an evening, and I was to meet the girl who would 'be with me.'
I knew how cruel things are with people who were in 'business,' so I decided to consider it as a gentleman's date. (Again, I never honestly had sex in mind). Picked up chocolates and flowers along the way and went on. She opened the door and I looked at her and just lost myself for a moment. Could someone be that beautiful, I thought. It was strange as I realised what was happening, and I found her looking at me the same. Something on her face just wouldn't let me look away. Maybe it was the same spark in her eyes that she shared with the very girl I fell in love with, maybe it was that tiny nose, maybe it was her beautiful lips or maybe the red cheeks. One thing was for sure, we had established something at the instant.

As our eye contact broke off, she took me in and we got talking. There was just something about this girl. The way she walked, the way she talked, the grace with which she presented herself. Reminded me only of times I spent with my love.

My joy knew no bounds. I just wanted to keep looking at her and listen her talk. Love happens at first site, I read somewhere, and it was like falling for the same person all over again.

On the other hand, part of me reminded how stupid these things I considered once. That I was looking for something somewhere I'm supposed not to.

Anyway, when I look back at my 'date night' now, everything feels as if it just happened last day. I remember her eyes reflecting the same feelings as of me. And later on her admitting that it was her first job, and with teary eyes she thanking me for best date of the world, and somehow both of us ending up shading tears. A smile appears on my face as she shakes me out of my thoughts, and asks, "what's wrong, honey?" And I notice ring in her finger and say, "nothing honey, I'm just wondering what's to eat."

Wrong or right, I'm not the one to justify my actions. But I will tell you this in the end, 'life is letting it play itself, hold on enough and it'll never cease to amaze you. Go on, make mistakes. Don't be afraid to pursue what you desire, whatever the place, because even the lotus is always found in mud.'