Mommy

Im Nathalie

This is the story about my childhood and now.

Okay..so where do I start? I was born on August 5 in the hospital (obviously). This hospital is located in the Philippines, yes I'm a filipino.

So when I turned 2 years old, my Mom and Dad broke up and I lived with Mom because of custody or something. Sometimes, I would visit Dad (Dad can't visit us or else, my uncle would kill him).

I'm actually spoiled. I have a lot of toys but I have no one to play with. I'm just an only child for the twelve years of my life. In that time, I think I feel unloved. I know, stupid right? But c'mon, I'm just 4+ at that time.

When I turned 6 or so, I realized that my Mom really loves me. She would kiss me and hug me. And she would buy cakes for me every birthday.

But that changed when I grew up. Because of modern technology, I always wishes for laptops, iPhones. And they just buy what I like and there's no more delicious cakes :(.

Since my Mom is single, she would usually introduce me to her boyfriends. I was happy because I will finally have a father. But..they just ended up being broken.

I'm quite sad about it but also happy at the same time. I mean, I always love attention (I'm a Leo, ROAR!) and whenever a boyfriend is around, I'm like nothing. Like a booger in a big, big wall.

And that is the time I'm sure, I feel unloved. But I can't just be selfish. My hearts brokes too whenever I see Mom cry and sing songs in the kareoke.

Then when I turned 10 years old, my Mom introduce me to his new boyfriend. He was nice, I'm actually spoiled at him. But then.. I still want Mom's attention.

There are times that I cry cause she won't be sleeping next to me at nights, then she don't hug me anymore.

She said because I'm a big girl. But still!

There's this time that I asked her if she could asked me. But she said it's too hot and she can't hug me. And after she said that, I saw her hugging his boyfriend. I cried again at that time.

Then we decided to go to Mall. We went to TokyoTokyo to eat some food for lunch. The waiter only gives us one drink at first. I sipped some first cause I'm really thirsty. When it's Mom's turn, she drink at the rim, not in the straw. It was rare for her to do that so I asked her why did you do that? She said nothing and before she drink at the straw, she wipped it first then sipped it. I cried when we got home cause she never do that before and I feel like she disgust me or something.

Then they got married. I don't know if I'm gonna be happy or not. I'm just expressionless at that time. I'm just glad because of the food. That's it.

After they got married, Mom said she's pregnant. I'm like so happy because I'm going to have a baby sister. But I wished she's pregnant back when I was a kid so I have a playmate.

Then there's this time that she called me from school. I'm actually expecting her to say 'I love you' before she ended the call. But she never did and I cried about it. Cause after that, I never hear her saying I love you or kisses me in the forehead. I guess that's what puberty does to childhood.

One time, she said she's going to buy stuff at the grocery. I asked if I could come, but she said no cause maybe I'm gonna add something useless (ouch) in the cart. That hurt my feelings cause she's judging me so fast. I just ended up walking around the market with a sad look in my face.

I just cried thinking that I can't hug or kiss Mom anymore because I'm a 'big girl'. But I still hope that there's one time we're gonna spend sometimes together. Me and her only. Like these past few years.