Loved And Lost

Lizbeth

My name's Angelica. I was scared of love, so when I met Sapphire in 11th grade I didn't know what to do. I'm a lesbian girl who sings and who was in love with a girl who I didn't know if they liked girls to. So, I tried talking to her, I stuttered a lot but I pushed myself to get closer to her. The talking paid off and we became the bestest of friends, Sapphire came out to me that she was bisexual! Things were going great for our friendship but I didnt want to just be friends.

School's out and summer comes along, we gave each other our addresses and numbers so we keep in touch! I decided to call her, I wanted to invite her to the park to talk. I wanted to tell her how I felt about her when we get to the park. I called, she didn't answer, I tried calling again but she didn't answer again. Because she didn't answer I decided I would call her the next day maybe she'd answer then.

*Ring ring* my phone woke me up, Sapphire sent me a text! I read, "Sorry I didn't answer my phone yesterday, I was at my boyfriend's house and I forgot my phone at my house. His name is Jake, we met a month ago. I might not be answering my phone alot because I'll be leaving my phone at my house. But, what did you want to tell me yesterday?" At that moment I wanted my life to end.

I replied, "Hey Sapphire! I just wanted to tell you that I made a new song last night, I wanted to sing it to you but I realized how late it was. I can show you the song today if you want, it doesn't matter though."

I really did make a song, it was a love song that I was going to tell her at the park, it was about her. How can this happen! I loved her and now she's gone! I want to tell her how I feel, I want to tell her how much she means to me! Maybe if I sing the song to her she'll accept me and dump Jake! I know it's a long shot but I love her.
*Ring ring* she replied back to me, "Oh yah sure, I'll go to your house right now and you can show it to me! I love your voice and songs Angelica!"

So she came. I hope she accepts me, I'm so freaking scared! My stomach is turning and tears are coming down my face. But I touched up and waited for her knock on my door.

A huge smile came to my face when I heard Sapphire knock at the door. "Be right there!" I ran to the door with my song and guitar, I opened the door and I almost fainted. Jake was with Sapphire and they were holding hands... It hurt so much I almost bursted out crying put I repressed my sadness and asked if I could sing to her in private. "Uh, Sapphire? Can I please sing to you in private, just have Jake wait in your car please."
"Um, okay..." Then she sent Jake out. I was relieved but still terrified. What of she rejects me!? I love her too much for that to happen, right? They say that if you love someone they always love you back! Okay, I took a deep breath and I sang.

"I saw I girl with curls so perfect and eyes so bright; I fell in love in a sec cause she was full f light; I had a lump in my throat and I stuttered; this love can't be provoked and my butterflies fluttered; she was so precious she was a jewel; lips so luscious how can this be I'm such a fool; I fell for her trap but I didn't want to come out; I was in a trance she's as innocent as a girl scout; Sapphire was her name I love her only; I don't want to be rejected madame and I sing this with my heart truly"

I started crying because I was scared! Once I wiped my eyes she started talking. "Oh God. I'm sorry but I don't like you the same way. I only hung with you because you looked so lonely, but then we actually became friends! No, I will never like you the same way you like me. Oh no, I'm sorry I love Jake. I have to go I'm so sorry! This is not working out, I really have to go!" She left and she was crying, she felt guilty.

You know, I've felt suicidal all my life and I've tried killing myself once but failed. When I met Sapphire I found my only reason to live, but now there's point. That night I lied down listening to music trying to block my tears and Sapphire out. Everything was in slow motion, every second felt like a century. I punched the wall and I broke through, making my fist bleed. I tried to distract myself as much as possible in the pitch black. I grabbed my phone and turned on the flashlight, I was going into the basement of my house. Everything was so dark, I was looking for the gun. I wanted to die but i wanted to be strong. She flooded my mind and I sent her a text that read "good-bye, I will always love you </3." I found the gun and I put it to my head and..... Boom goes the lil' trigger.


_Inside Angelica's House_
Text Reply-*Ring ring*, "Angelica! I'm calling the police please don't do it! No good-bye!"
*Police sirens*
Sapphire-"Is she gone!? PLEASE NO!"
Police-" There's no pulse! Get her in the ambulance now!"

_In Hospital _
Sapphire-"No no no no no no! Angelica stay with us please!"
Doctors-"She's gone."

_At Funeral_
Sapphire-"I should have told Angelica the truth! I should I have told her the truth that, I did love her but if I told her, Jake would punish me! I should have to her that he was abusive, I should have told her that I had always loved her! NOW IT'S TO LATE!"