Should this end?

Alan

This is my true story. Story of a sweet, caring, ambitious hindu indian girl and a passionate, violent, introvert muslim indian boy. PLEASE DO COMMENT.

7th grade: I am new in school. I quickly make friends, lots n lots of them. Loved by seniors, juniors, classmates and teachers. Basically, it dint take a cheerful,vibrant, honest n stupid girl (me) long to become popular.

8th grade: I am class monitor. Involved in numerous co-curricular activities. We become friends. We implies for me, corey and drew. (No, its not a triangular love story)

9th grade: I get to know more and more about corey. I think I have a crush on him. But we don?t talk much cause he is an introvert orthodox. He is everything anyone can ask for. Thin, toned, dark, humorous, intelligent (topper to be appropriate), serious, observant, a quizman, trustworthy, and most importantly, mature. No, he isnt boring. He is a backbencher who is pro at passing comments, arguing n is always at the center of a nuisance. I find out that he is one of the most popular and influencing fighter of the town, has long reaches and a big set of principles.

10th grade: I can do anything to get more and more of him. Take cab instead of bus to reach school early and watch him practicing volleyball (he is a state level player), wait outside classrooms to get in with him, befriending his friends to know more about him, take up all the activities he participated in. But then, I am not a girly kind of person. Least bothered about love and feelings, more into cricket and hate anything pink. I never dared to admit my feelings to myself, let alone him or any of my friends. My favorite song reminded me of him, whatever I did or said, I?d think what would be his reaction over this, I could never dare to raise my eyes before him cause whenever I did, my knees refused to keep me standing, I would feel like we are alone in the word and I kept staring at him. To avoid this situation, I kept my eyes lowered whenever I saw him. After we exchanged our numbers, we became bestest best friends in hardly 20 days!

Drew and I already were best friends and rumors even flew about us having an affair. I was very rough n tough kind of person so I dint take any notice. We were a bunch of best friends (me being the only girl out of total 12, it must help you know what kind of person I am). Me and drew actually called each other bro n sis n cared like same (we had similar family background, thinking and nature except that he was a playboy and had like whole school crushing on him). We got along too well.

Many girls dint like me going close to corey, as he was a bad boy (and frankly, I hardly knew how to abuse!). They kept telling me that I must not get into his influence and all, but you know how it is, I loved him. So I dint gave a damn to them n created many rivals. Me and corey cared about each other like anything and in a small time we were ideals for friendship. We argued loud lot many times (in front of the teachers even), passed comments at so many things sitting at backbenches, gave each other horrible dares to be performed, discussed studies, shared ideas, and much more.

So, you may think that I could easily have him. No. Truth time. I am a plumpy fat girl (though not ugly, quite cute and pretty. I have always considered myself the ugliest person to walk into this world). And no one would ever like to have a girlfriend like me. I have been proposed few times earlier but I think they did so to either make fun of me or to use me. Moreover, he is not a sort of guy to be keen to be in any relationship. He has so many other stuffs to do than flirting.

Rumors floated about him trying over one of my friends. I knew, if any such thing would happen, I will be the first one to be informed about. I trusted him. But still, it pierced like a needle somewhere close to heart. The ocean of tears I busted was not still enough to make me realize that I love him. There was a girl much older than me, my neighbor & secret keeper who just figured this out that I have feelings for Corey. I accepted but also added that this will never workout. Her brother Jake was some who was turning my life to hell. He had been in a few relationships earlier & I know all about him (we were in same school and he was just 1 grade senior to me). My parents trusted him as he was excellent at studies. He would ask me to come to the roof and I could never say no (family reasons) and would try to get physical. Everyone thought he was helping me in studies. I dint want his future to be ruined by telling this to my parents so I decided to solve this matter myself. I slapped him, threatened him but nothing seemed to work. I felt humiliated. I told about my situation to corey. Next day Jake was in hospital (he still doesn?t know for what was he beaten up!).

I: Y did you do that? I told you about it cause I felt bad not because I wanted him to be beaten up.
Corey: I dint do that for you. I don?t tolerate these kind of elements.
I: Like that. Well, I don?t mind.

11th grade: This is the time to choose our streams. I am a person more into politics and literature so I should be opting arts. But I choose engineering (I hate maths and it takes me a lot of handwork to score well. I am extremely poor at it. But still I manage to have guts to opt engineering). Why? Because Corey has an ambition to study Aeronautical engineering in future and I cant afford to loose him. Not even at the cost of my career! This has shocked everyone. I was sure I have to study arts since I was in 2nd grade and even trees knew about my maths trouble.

But, after spending 4 yrs and 5 months of fun and 2 yrs of secret love, I have to leave this place. My dad says I should get further education at a bigger and better place since I have scored too well (However his grades are far far better than mine. Topper, remember?). I have to agree since I haven't seen any sign of hope from his side. I get my slam book filled and distribute gifts as last token of remembrance to all my friends. Last few days are too good. He plays all possible decent pranks on me, and I love them all. It was his way to tell me he cares and that he will miss me. Every time I cry for how much I will miss this place, he is my first thought. He doesn?t turn up to my farewell party cause he his principles don?t allow him to eat of girl?s money.

I am at this new place. I go into depression. Here i know how much he completed me, how much i needed him, and how much i could miss him. Our texting and calls grew. I could not make new friends. I remained by myself in the new school. I dint even try to talk to anyone. From my old friends, i lost contact with most girls but the boys were all loyal. My secret love kept going on. My grades fell down, i failed in 1st semester. My parents grew worried. They cant work out whats wrong with me. I am a daddy's gal actually. Things grew worse at home. Distances were created, being scolded n punished were more often, my siblings are now scared of me (2 months before, i used to hlp them in studies and now all i do is shout upon them for small things, they had to take tuition due to this). there is no end of describing how worse i had become. I look at the slam book and in the columns "I am possessive about_" and "I love_" he had filled "ST" and the next day he asked me to cut it but i had refused. One day on phone,
Me: What does "ST" stand 4?
Corey: Forget about it, its nothing.
Me: Don't lie.
Corey: I'll cut down the phone.
Me: Is that for Sachin Tendulkar? (we both are big fans of him).
Corey: You got it right!
Me: Trying to lie again? Tell the truth or i will ask others.
Corey: Okay girl, i'll tell u but wait for the right day.
Me: What is the right day?
Corey: My birthday.

Meanwhile, one day one of his friend (say jason) calls me. I text him that I am in a party and cant pick up. 1,3,9,15??. I am annoyed. I pick up the phone and I am courted. Shocked. Though I knew this was gonna happen some day. He said ?I don?t care if you are fat or thin, pretty or ugly, I know that you are the best human that can ever be born?. I am touched but I cant say yes. ?I need time?. And his answer was ?I?ll call you after 10 mins.? I call Corey and tell him everything. He says ?I?ll talk to him at school tomorrow, you switch off your phone for now?. I agree to be just friend to him. We stop discussing about this. We go on with our usual routines, chats n texts and fun. Though the truth is, I am the one who keeps speaking. He prefers to just listen, smile and sometimes guide me to do what is right.

Jason comes to my city to meet me, he is working hard to get me, got a good earning job and continuing his studies by the side. He asks me to show up. I agree. We spend 2 hrs together at market place (I pay all the bills). He is trying 2 get dings out f me. At last, he does the same thing again, he asks me to be his girlfriend. I feel bad. He really loves me but if I say yes, I would be cheating on him cause I really don?t have anything for him. For me, he is just ?corey?s friend?. I repeatedly say no. ?You like corey? he blurs out. ?No?, I say, ?I have to focus on studies?. He asks me to show up again on next day. I come back home and tell Corey everything (of course except what we talked about him). I tell Jason that I cant show up because there is a cricket match tomorrow and I have to watch it (it must have hurt much I know, but I am helpless).

1 month after, corey calls me n says that he met Jason and he misses me so much and all that. I was like, ?Stop it! Don?t you have any other stuff to talk about? You know I don?t believe in all these stuffs?. After that day, he started telling me about the girls who like him, and how they try to flirt with him. I know, he isn?t that flirty type but still I aint comfortable with it. I am breaking. Each and every moment, I watch the pieces of my heart falling down as tears. He never fails to tell me about the qualities of those girls and always adds, ?how should I tell her that I aint interested?? I say ?I am not 1 of those girls so I have no idea how should you tell this to them without breaking their heart?.

12th grade: I cant tolerate this. I create a rumor that I have a crush on some guy named Branden (He actually exists. But I never had a crush on him.) cause I had to do something to get Corey out of my mind now. 3 years is a long time and yet I haven't seen him reciprocating well to deduce any chances.

One day: I call him, he doesn?t receive. I m sitting in my balcony, thinking about him. I see his missed call and call back.

Corey: Why did you cut the phone? Dint want to talk?
Me: No, I thought you were busy. So, how was the day?
Corey: Umm? I had to tell you something.
Me: Yeah, go on. What is it?
Corey: There is a girl named Samantha. She is a damn beautiful girl. She is a new girl in my chemistry class. She started up a conversation suddenly. Many guys in the class have a crush on her and they challenged me to give her my number and talk to her on phone. So, I bought a card, chased her with bike to know where she lives and handed her the card with my phone number written over it. She messaged that she will call me at 8 pm (its 6:30 right now).

My spine is chilled and there is a pain sharp as venom-sting, just like chest congestion. I am trying to breathe. But my heart is drowning, unable to catch anything, any air. I cry, keeping my hand on speaker so that he cant listen.I stare to the sky and the stars. Those stars I cant reach. Just like I cant reach him.

Corey: Hey, where are you? Are you listening?
Me: I m listening dear, tell me more. (I reply in a shaky voice.)
Corey: You alright?
Me: Of course, I am perfect. But I thought you weren't like that.
Corey: Like what?
Me: I mean, you aint interested in dating and all. And apart from that, she is not the first girl interested in you, then why her only?
Corey: I did it all because of the bet. I don?t care about her.
Me: How many times would you lie?
Corey: Okay, I accept. I think I am going to date her. What do you say?
Me: You should. I mean, she is good looking and she is clearly trying to flirt with you (1 of my friends told this to me).
Corey: So, you are fine with it?
Me: Oh why not? We never made a deal that none of us can date I guess!

After some talking, we say byes. This was one of our shortest conversations. I made an excuse to leave, I wasn?t able to hold my cries and screams for much longer.

I think this is the end. End of everything. But not my tears. This is just the beginning for them. They will be soaking my pillows for many months to come.



Well, this is not actually the end. I will decide to tell you all about what happened later on the basis of comments. Take care all of you guys.


NOTE: second part can be found here http://www.loverofsadness.com/sad_story.php?id=344