I once belived in love

monica

there was one point of my life that i believed deeply in fairy tales but above all things LOVE. my heart was full and very heavy of happy emotions that filled my life with happiness.but as i grew aware of how life can be so cruel to a person i started opening my eyes, really opening them. the boy that i grew so in love with since i was younger was no longer the boy i once knew but a man that was aware of everyone else's existence except mine. we were once close and know we hardly know each other. my first love, has no idea that i still think of him and that every day that i wake up living i wonder what he is doing. my heart aches of all the pain that he has put me through and he doesn't even care. i sometime stay up and wonder what is so wrong with me that he saw in me and didn't like it.how can i be happy when he was the one to make me happy,the one that hugged me when i was crying and held my hand when i felt alone. i really did believe that love existed but know there's not much i believe in anymore. he took the good from me and know all that i feel is the sadness and anger he left in me. so what can i believe in know if love is not in my vocabulary. because since me and him have been far away from each other i tried to feel something inside again and when i met someone else i felt that i couldn't love him the way i loved my first love. everyone i meet i tend to push away and to tell you the truth I'm scared...I'm scared that i will never find anyone that can truly show me to feel again..to love again...to raise my heart up in the hard times...but till then I'm stock feeling as bad as i do all because i believed in love and know i am left alone to feel all this pain.