Can't Get Up.

Clary Barns

Alexis never thought she would be were she is now. Hurt, Broken, Scared...she never thought she could love someone so much as she does now..only for it to mean nothing to that person. Alexis is 14, she has been depressed for 3 years now. She is a small thing, fragile, to the point of breaking, she couldn't be fixed. She has long blonde hair, and golden eyes. She has cut for the longest time, her body is covered in wounds, scars. She never wears shorts, skirts or short sleeves, she loves watching the stars, but she is terrified of the dark. she hides in her room, where she wont be put down. She has two little brothers, Ian, and Kody. She never see's them, not anymore. most of the time she sits in her room and she wonders why she waists her life away, by doing nothing but pitty herself. only because that's all she is ever told. Its always "if you're so sad kill yourself" "Its a phase" "be social come out and hang with us" "She is only having a pity party" that's all they say...and so the demons in her head make her feel this way, if not worse, putting things into her head. Alexis is to the point of giving it all up, being done. but then she falls, hard for a guy she can't have.

Daniel is 18, a senior, whom is very athletic and smart, a nerd at the least. He is going to collage soon. He has messy brown hair, and green eyes that melt your heart. his smile cause you to smile and it honestly drives her wild. He was her first, He treats her like no one else has, she has fallen so hard it hurts to get back up, she knows this pain will be never ending if she continues, but she would probably follow him in hell just to keep getting her fix. She craves his kiss, his lips, his taste his scent. she craves his touch and his hug and the feeling of being safe for once. she knows it's stupid to fall for him, she knows it will kill her, but damn she knows it would be worse with out this time with him. He said he loved her and that he wishes they could be together but, nothing seems to be on her side, no, the universe just likes to rain on her parade, cause reality hits, cause she knows she wont have forever with him, he leaves for collage, while she still has three more years. This kills her. She thinks of him day in and day out and she thinks of life without him, sure she got by before, but did she really? She was so pained before but now she has his smile to brighten her day and his laugh to bring butterflies to her stomach, without that will she be the same she was before....nothing? this is her salvation, the thought of forever, in which we all have, we want time to be on our side but it is cruel and it never really is. Time flies by and we never get to go back, so she thinks of the time she has now, with him. and so she is prepared as she will ever be to lose him. She almost gave up, tried taking her life...it didn't work but she tried...she thought of a life with out him and thought it wasn't worth living, she thought of how bad she had it and how it's bound to get worse. She is finally broken...her heart shattered to the point of never being fixed. She tries to smile but each time she does, she fights the urge to cry too. She has given up and she has been entirely done. that's it...she is done. She fights everyday, fighting the tears that wanna break free every time she is yelled at by family, she tries to laugh when her friends joke about how depressing she is, she tries to hold back tears when she is put down about who she is. She tries so hard to the point she has given up trying. She fell in love, and is still getting back up, still trying to heal. soon she thinks, soon I'll be okay.