Because of him

destiny peavy

I know no one will probably read what I have to say because it’s a lot.. But, I just had to get this out of me I can't take it in anymore. Alright here it goes. It happened on February 11, 2014. We were shy we didn't talk much I know but we would look up and smile at each other no matter how wrong our day went. We were in love. I could tell by the way we looked at each other.

To this day I still feel bad that I did it that I didn't tell or show or be honest with you why I did it I guess I was just too afraid to see how you would react. You told me you were afraid of losing me and I was afraid of losing you. Later on in our relationship we had started to drift away I got depressed and didn't know what to do how to tell you. So I just took faith in a blade that would end all my worries and sadness I never wanted to tell you! I never wanted to hurt you! But, it wasn't my fault you saw I tried my best to hide it from you.

He saw my arm and started to cry it was bleeding still and the cuts were barely healing. I'm sorry I was depressed I had cut. I still remember when you finished crying you had wiped your tears away and kissed my scars it felt good that you had cared.

But, where had that gone now I stopped for you. Then, you left me and said I can't be with someone like you. Someone who self harmed.... That made me feel worse I cried and did it more this time deeper than before I wanted to die because what you had said behind my back. Your friends told me what you really thought of me that hurt me more I could feel my heart sink into my chest and I could hear it thumping in my ears and I just felt cold and empty after all that I had heard.

So I had felt terrible I don't know what came over me but I couldn't eat or sleep I couldn't breath my heart beated so fast I thought it would explode I went to the hospital I was there for a while. Did you care? Did you know I was there? I think not .

I had finally received and went back to school. Where this boy came up to me and said he loved me and asked me out I gladly said yes and couple of weeks later he called me and said I'm sorry but I don't even like you .

It was a dare a bet to get with you just because your ex said I wouldn't do it. I cried myself to sleep every night cause I felt worthless no one cared nor noticed . It hasn't gotten better ever since you left I don't know what to do anymore just lay down and cry myself to sleep every night. I miss you but you don't miss me. All I can do is ask myself Why me.? I didn't mean to harm myself I just felt you didn't care anymore so I wanted to disappear. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm done with love and life I want to kill myself.