Broken heart within my complicated life

MC D.

I never had the courage to share my real life story because I feel like I was the very unluckiest person in the world. But as I read some stories posted in this sites which makes me decide to share the summary of my life story together with love story that turned out into something as I could imagine.

I was born and grow up in the Philippines. I belonged to a big happy family. My mom is a teacher and my dad is an automotive mechanics. I have 8 biological siblings and 2 legally adopted. A family of twelve that lives together under the same roof, which is fun, every day feels like a party. I'm the ignore middle child or the eldest of the second batch it's because the gap between me and my eldest sister are 7 years. When I was in grades school every weekend and summer we're all out working on the farm and no one is exempted. Planting mangoes, coconuts, and bananas. In school, I always got teased by my classmates and schoolmates because I look different from my siblings they always called me "ANAK SA LIKI NG KAwAYAN" meaning, I came from nowhere. But I don't mind them because I'm lucky enough to look exactly like my grandma. As years go by, my eldest siblings went to college and graduate. They get a job and some of them already have a family of their own. Few years after, it's my turn to go to college and I went to a Catholic school and get my degree in BSED Math in 2006 with honors and get my first paid job as a high school Math teacher in my hometown at the age of 19. Since we're very family oriented, the whole family still managed to go to church together every Sunday and have lunch together and it's also a part of a tradition that the family needs to be together during holidays and special occasions. I grew up from the family with high dignity and respect from the society and of course, I am very proud to be a part of the said family. In fact, I become a grandma's little girl and a mama's big girl. Which makes some of my siblings jealous of me because I always get the attention from the two most important lady of the household. Christmas Eve 2010, while we're all very busy with preparing foods and wrapping gifts for the midnight Christmas Eve dinner. We have an unexpected guest shows up at our door. All the sudden, I felt so strange because my mom acted weird she even dropped the pitcher with full of ice and water and my dad started to raise his voice and my oldest sibling runs to their bedroom fast as they can. By the way, those unexpected guest that I mentioned is my mom's younger sister who is out of range for over 24 years, no call, no call show within those years. They don't even get a chance to contact her when my best grandma passed away. By then, I noticed that somethings not right with those encounters, I just can't tell what. Until my mom's sister asking questions that who among of us who was born on the first day of October. Without a single thought, I claimed that it was me, I even told them that I have the same birthday as my grandma and then she hugs me too tight and cries like a big baby. Then her husband told me that I am his daughter and she's my biological mom which shocks my entire beings. I can't explain what I feel, I don't know what to think. I slowly sat back and I squeezed the bottle of pop/soda hard as I can without noticing that I broke the bottle in my hand and I didn't any pain from my hand. I run-away and I ended up spending Christmas eve into the woods because I passed out and my dog found me there Christmas day early in the morning. I really can't believe it because my parents never treat me differently from my other siblings. I felt so terrible, I was ashamed of my self because for over 24 years I was living a simple life with full of love, laughs and happiness but one day I realized that those lives that I live with were a lie, it hurts me so bad, it made me feel worthless. I demand with a DNA test but sad to say that the DNA result is positive. Which makes me feel more devastated because the family that I always claimed mind and very proud to be a part of it, was not really mine. And I was bombarded with uninvited questions from most of the people surrounds me which doesn't help at all. The roller coaster ride of my life begun. Since, I made a bargain with my biological parents, if ever the DNA result would turn out positive, I have moved and live with them. By the way, my biological dad is American and he's an Iraq war veterans and biological mom is a nurse and she volunteered at WHO and she was assigned in Iraq they meet each other in Iraq. When my mom gets pregnant she tries to flush me down the toilet (abortion) but she never succeeds, maybe I am that tough. She went to the Philippines couple months before her due date and take off the day after I was born and I was left behind useless. Good thing my mom which is really my aunt has a big heart who kept me loves me and race as her own. To make the story short, since I made a deal for the DNA test, I have to live with it. I was still 24 when I moved here in the United States, to live with my biological parents. My life never gets easy when I got here in the USA because I found out that the reason why my parents decided to come and get me was my grandmother. It's my grandmother's idea to get me here (my dad's mom) because she didn't want to die without seeing her granddaughter. I was taking care of my grandma until she passed away and I went back to school fall 2012 and until now I'm still in school. Hopefully, I'm going graduate for my BSN in December 2017. My adopted mom died January 2016, and my biological died Agust 2016 and my adopted dad just died couple days ago. Lot's of crying here.

About my love story, I was 14 years old when I first dated and the man I date with was 18 years old. He's the sweetest, kindest, loveable, caring, understanding and respectful man I ever know in my life and most of all I know that he loves me more than anything. But sad to say our relationship only lasted for 5 months because he had a serious heart condition that causes his death. His death turned my world into total darkness and takes me longer to get over it.

Then 3 years after, I give myself a second chance, I dated again and that relationship turned out into a serious and more matured relationship. Since I am a bit conservative he agrees with me that we're not going to have sex until we get married but hugs and kisses, Of course, we did and I love being kissed with the man I love. We have been through a lot of ups and downs but we managed to get through all of it. After 7 years of in relationships with him, he proposed for marriage during my 23rd birthday and of course, I said YES. Well, we started to get busy with preparing for the wedding and we both agree that we're going to get married during my 24rth birthday isn't wonderful to hear that I'm going say that "Today I was Born to Marry my Best Friend?". Since he's a nautical engineer "known as Seaman" he needs to get back to work then he will be home two months before the wedding day. His family and I together with my family were busy with the preparations. I designed my own wedding gown, all the invitations are printed we just need to mail them, the receptions were paid and the wedding giveaways was half-way done. Last week of May 2009 the cargo ship that my fiancee was working is going to dock in Langkawi Malaysia for maintenance. We decided to meet there, the original plan I would be there for the entire week which is fine with me. Even though we are engaged we still respect each others' privacy. I made facebook account because of him and he also did the same. We made our FB account together. I know his password and he knows my password as well. I know that he's been checking my FB account once in a while which is fine with me and I never open his FB. One day, I felt something different and become very curious, so I decided to login into his FB account a week before I'm going to fly to Langkawi to meet him and he didn't change his password to I manage to login. Yes, I read all the conversations with the people he talked on FB, including the lady that once I so-called my best friend and their conversations did not make me happy. So, I go with a plan B, I told my fiancee that I couldn't make it there on time because of my work. It surprised me that he doesn't ask me what kind of work-related that causes my 3 days delayed of coming to Langkawi and meet him. By the way, my so-called best friend she's working in one of the resorts in Langkawi. But the truth was I went there on time and Yes, I caught my fiancee and so-called best friend on the act cheated on me. I was so mad and it makes me felt terrible. I went back home sobbing and felt sorry for myself. He even asks me a favor not to tell his family about what was happen and I granted his request. The sad news was my so-called best friend a month after those incidents claim that she was pregnant and my fiancee is the father. So, I have to make a decision for the sake of the innocent child and I also thought that there is a big possibility that he's going to cheat on me over and over again. Last week of July 2009, my fiancee was home and we had a family dinner with his family and my family. On that day, I decided to take the courage to speak out and back off the wedding 7 weeks before the day that I supposed to say that "TODAY I WAS BORN TO MARRY MY BEST FRIEND" but it never happens because he screwed up. It's not easy for me to make those decisions but I believe I did the right thing. It takes me forever to get over it and the scars would remain forever.

I never dated for a long time after I broke up with my fiancee. I moved here USA Summer 2011 and as I said above I went back to school after my grandma passed away and I also get a job in the hospital. My daily routine is more likely the same, home, school, work and home. I enjoy doing language exchange and cultures sharing. I joined online sites that I can connect with other people from the other side of the world. I was on that site for over 8 years now but two years ago, I got to connect someone from Canada that really gets my attention. He's very submissive and persistent. I always told him to go away but he never did. In fact, he texted me and sent me an email every 5 minutes throughout the day. At first, I didn't pay attention to it but weeks and months go by, I begin to like him and missed his messages if he missed texting me or sending me an email. I become to like him, sending him text messages and emails hundred times a day but he did send me 10x more messages every day. He always told me that he loves and I also think that I slowly fall in love with him. Everything went well, he's an average looking guy with at least 45-50lbs heavier above than the range from his height and age but I don't mind it because it looks good on him. I like him because of a high sense of humor and he's pretty funny. He always makes me laugh. Our conversations and silly jokes become a part of daily routine and I never thought that it's possible I can be emotionally attached to the man that I never meet face to face. We did video call at least twice a day or more. I enjoyed talking to him, I feel like I'm in a relationship with, I respected him just like the way I respected to my previous relationship. He always called me mine and I wanted to call him mine as well. We plan to meet face to face spring last year but my adopted mom passed away, so I need to back to the Philippines for my mom's funeral. We go with another plan of meeting face to face, it would be summer 2016 but it didn't happen because my biological dad has an open heart surgery and died 4 weeks after his surgery. Then now we decided that we're going to meet in December, he already has itinerary and It makes feel so excited that I finally I can meet him my Ghost Boyfriend " that's my mom called him". But lately somethings change, from every five-10 minutes text or email messages turned out into once a day sometimes nothing at all. Our twice a day video call turned out into once a week and it's almost a month now since the last time we did a video call and he just rarely sent me text messages and emails. I just recently found out that his ex-girlfriend that lives in Germany moved back to Canada and they start dating again. Ouch!!! I never thought that the man that I never meet face to face would hurt me so much as I can imagine. He never admits it but I know that they were dating again because the girl posted pictures on her Facebook account of them together. And he unfriended me on facebook. Here is me again sitting in the corner with tears dealing with a heartache because of my so-called ghost boyfriend. I know it may sound stupid but the feelings I have for him is real. He's not the sexiest man alive but I just like him the way he is. He made laugh and he also made cry. I'm sure it would take me a while to get over him and I don't know long that a while would last.

Thank you for reading.

Yours Truly
MC