The only one for me...

The heartless contender.

Sixth Grade... I was walking down the hall with a friend of mine when she ran over to her group of friends and introduced them all to me.. It was first week of sixth grade... One of them was named Marissa. I was young but when I laid eyes on her it was as if the world just...stopped. I was stupid and the first thing I said to her was "Hey, you wanna float my boat" she laughed and the group of girls walked away I was shocked at what just happened and I knew this girl Wasn't just another girl I'd meet and never share anything with. The next day i "asked her out" in sixth grade tho dating is nothing more tha
Talking on the phone tho.. Sadly I had competition many other people asked her as well. Sadly she said yes to another guy.. But me and her became great friends and we talked on the phone every Friday and Saturday for hours at a time. We began calling each other best friends and although we weren't a couple I was a happy kid to befriend this girl.. My feelings for her grew and at a school dance in October I was very anxious if she was going to come... When she finally arrived her friends had all told her how I had been asking about her and So she came running up to me gave me and gave me a big hug. The gym if the school had an inflatable obstacle course meant to be ran by two people and me and her did it together. It was great... She was great... So sixth grade went on and I knew she liked me but she wouldn't make it official. Sixth grade ends and we talked over the summer and saw each other at parties... Seventh grade comes along and she is still "dating" this other guy but they never talk and they only hugged at the end of the school day that was the extent of their relationship. In December of my seventh grade year she broke up with her boyfriend and I once against asked her out she said she wanted time to think about it so I gave her the time and finally on my thirteenth birthday January 10th 2007 she said yes... I was so happy and I couldn't believe it. We talked on the phone every day but didn't hang out for a few weeks. Two weeks after we began dating it was her birthday I got her a necklace and at the end of the school day we had our first kiss... It was a crazy feeling that was in my stomach and my chest my heart beat rapidly and my palms sweated like crazy. I was so happy and didn't want it too end. Our first date was on January 27th we went to a movie... Our friends were all their so it was a group thing. We sat halfway through the movie until I gained the courage to put my arm around her.. It felt right sitting their with her head on my shoulder.. We saw date movie hah perfect right? Our relationship was great we didn't hang out again until February tenth when she had her birthday party.. We were together that whole night at one point me and her were sitting on her couch together when someone turn the lights off I looked over at her in the pitch blackness and moves in to kiss her. We began our longest kiss but soon the lights went on and everyone began to laugh and yell out things like oo they're making out ! It was great the night ended with a game of limbo... The next day my friend picked me up and we went to her house. We hung out their the whole day.. Played twister ate pizza watched a movie and had a blast .. That day ended with another kiss. At this point I was sure that no one could be as happy as I was. The rest of our seventh grade year was us hanging out every weekend and falling more in love everyday. Summer came and an old friend came back into town I wanted to see her but marissa was not too fond of this after countless fights over it Marissa dumped me... I was shocked and angry and so I went to see this girl at a dance night for teens at a local bar I danced with her and she kissed me immediately after the kiss I thought to myself what did I just do and left the dance I immediately called Marissa and told her...for months to come she would think of me as a cheater for that. She didn't talk to me for two weeks.. When finally two weeks later I went to her house... We got along well but I could tell her trust in me was shaken the rest of that summer would be miserable I barely hung out with her but we still talked. We got back together when eight grade began... Eight grade was great we hung out everyday and were in love with all of our hearts.. Summer after eighth grade was heart as well... Until the end of it at least. She went off to bandcamp and when she came back her attitude towards me had shifted to a negative tone.. Ninth grade started and when we found out that our first period classes were the same she got angry.. All the while u was ecstatic to have a class with her :(. The first week if school went by with her acting very shaky towards me that Friday she told me she needed a break for the weekend so I did not talk to her until school
That following Tuesday. When u approached her she ignored me that Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 was the worst day of my life... She didn't even tell me it was over she just ignored me everyday to come... I went a little crazy and did not stop trying to talk to her I was too young for the feelings I had and didn't know how to react to the reality that I actually lost my best friend... My girlfriend... My love for nearly two years.. Was gone. We didn't talk until late October and the events of those last few weeks of October 2008 would assure the end of our relationship. We had a school assembly to prepare for homecoming she was sitting in front of me with a guy that I found out she had been talking too recently... I was fed up with anger and without thinking i grabbed him..and I punched him... The pussy told the principle on me.. He called and left a message for my parents I got home and deleted it before my parents could hear It so I was not on trouble that homecoming weekend. I ended up going to her house the next day to pick up my things.. But we ended up talking for three hours in her garage. We held hands hugged and tears were shed and it seemed things were going to get better... Sadly the principle at my school wondered why he hadn't heard from my parents and decided to call again this time he got an answer and my parents grounded me but it turned to a bigger issue than just hitting the kid my parents and marissas fun out about what was going on and forbade us from seeing each other before i got home I sent her a text saying I was sorry and that I loved her. My phone was taken away and I had no way of contacting her.. My life was hell and I was miserable I felt the heartache everyday and wasn't sure how life would turn out I was scared that I no longer had my love to hold my hand.. When I finally got to call her she ignored me. We didn't talk again until December when I emailed her asking her if she was dating the guy from Before. To my surprise she responded and said no.. And told me how sorry she was for what she did to hurt me and told me she missed me... Through this dark tunnel I finally saw some light and wasn't about too loose hope just yet. We began talking again everyday but didn't hang out at all. We talked all of December ... And all of January until around winter formal time.. I asked her to go but she said she didn't know if her mom would allow her and later on I find out that she has another date.. And a night before the actual dance she tells me that she is dating him :( I once again had to feel my whole world shatter and had to again go through the process of picking up the pieces too my broken life. What's even worse is u find out she started dating him in January at the same time she was telling me she still loved me.. I left her a voice mail calling her a whore and saying how could you ever do this too me again. The voice mail was left in late February of 2009 and her and I did not speak again until April of 2009. On April fourth I facebook chatted her saying I was sorry for the voice mail she forgave me and said that we could be friends but we wouldn't speak again until October... After we broke up I felt alone and every person that came into my life afterward I find that I couldn't care about any of them any girl I talked to it was just not the same... Every little detail about every other girl I talked to was meticulously compared to marissa... Their hair.. Their eyes... Even their hands. I became cold and distant and everyone noticed. My teachers called home and said they thought I was depressed I denied it too my parents but inside I was dead. I simply did not care about anything or anyone anymore. I began to experiment with drugs all throughout my sophomore year to cope with the pain but it only left a bigger hole. Anyway in October of 2009 the beginning of my sophomore year I texted her however she was still dating this other guy and we barely talked the rest of that school year I'd text her every now and then but to no avail. So sophomore year I didn't have her I resorted to weed ... I smoked everyday and eventually ended up ditching all my friends and began hanging with a rough crowd. The summer after sophomore year I was doing pills, acid and smoking weed to keep my mind off of her ... It was this hard for me not to think about her and I was stuck with the constant wonder of weather or not I even entered her mind once? She was with a new bf and her life was great but mine was falling apart. During the summer of 2010 I got into trouble with the police for not returning home one night.. I saw the worry in my mothers eyes and decided I needed to straighten myself out. I quit drugs although I occasionally smoke weed but only every few weeks rather than everyday I got a job at heinins and decided that I was going to join the Army as a junior in high school witch is what I am right now. Early into the school year tho I heard Marissa had broken up with her bf and I still cared about her So knowing the pain she must have been in I emailed her asking if she was ok and she responded... Ever since that email on august 31st 2010 we have talked everyday... I'm getting my life back together and me and her are talking.. Just today I asked if she might still have feelings for me and she said she did not know then asked me the same thing I told her I didn't know either... Even tho I know I love her I didn't wanna come off too strong... I also said but I know if we hang out I'll realize I still have feelings for you and she told me that every time I say hi to her in school (we have seventh period history together) that she can't help but smiling. Me and her are planning to see a movie on Friday . I feel like life is where it's supposed to be again. I feel less angry and bitter everyday. You may say I'm stupid for trying to pursue another relationship with her after how she fucked me over but I've been in love with her since the sixth grade. I believe she is the one for me and u hope that if our love rekindled fully we will be mature enough for it this time. I've wanted nothing more then make this girl happy ever since I laid eyes on her.. Her Happiness is the only persons happiness I honestly care about... She makes me a better person ... I don't need drugs when I'm with her because she makes life livable for me... She is the only one for me. Forever and Always 1/10/2007