Should this end? Part2

Alan

http://www.loverofsadness.net/sad_story.php?id=319 Should this end? Contd... So, this is the further part.
I am helpless and now my prayers have changed. Now I pray God, just keep me a best friend of his. Never let our friendship fade. We are completely opposite persons but the magnet property has failed today.

I stop talking about Branden, my so called crush. I try to keep myself just a bit more confident when I talk to Corey, but its getting difficult to hide it from others. They pose suspicious cause I ask too much about Samantha.

Corey?s Birthday: I sand him quite a lot of birthday wishes, but get no reply from him. Must be busy in celebration.

Next day, I don?t wish him good morning. At daytime:
Corey: Hey, wassup?
Me: Nothing. Had a good birthday blast?
Corey: No, not really. You know, I don?t really like bashes and loud celebrations.
Me: Yeah right, that?s why you couldn?t get enough time to message even once. Now open up and tell me, how was the day?
Corey: Nothing special. I haven?t celebrated my bithday since last 3 years. All I did was study all day.
Me: Then there is something you are supposed to tell me but you don?t want to.
Corey: What are you saying?
Me: ?ST?. That?s what I am saying, dear.
Corey: You remember that? I thought you must have forgot.
Me: I havn?t. My memory is sharp you see.
Corey: Dumb forgetful girl said what? You don?t even remember what you ate last night. Short term memory loss patient huh.
Me: Hey, you are trying to change the topic. Don?t try to act smart.
Corey: Leave it na, that?s nothing important.
Me: It is important for me (almost screaming).
Corey: Now you are over-reacting.
Me: Are you going to tell me?
Corey: Its Suzan Taylor.
Me: Haven?t heard about ever before. Why so?
Corey: She died 2 years ago.
Me: What?
Corey: She was my best friend and my first love. We were neighbors since we were 5. We woke up together, did home-work together, played together and what not. But then one day, she went to market with her bro and what returned was her dead body. I was in 8th grade then. Even now when I am alone, I shiver when I imagine that scene. It was a bike accident but his brother was saved. You know, she was so beautiful and so pretty. No angel could ever match her. She was just the perfect girl. When I had her I was on the top of the world. And when I saw her cold body lying on the floor, I lost the ability to feel and sense. I will never forget the site.
Me: I am so sorry. I dint know that I was forcing you to a sad memory or I wouldn?t have done this.
Corey: Oh, you don?t get sad, that is my luck. I? I need some time alone if you please excuse me.
Me: Okay, I am right here if you wanna share something and sorry once again.

Miles apart, we cried. Cried our hearts out. He cried cause his memories were burnt open. You may think, I cried cause now I well know that I have no place in his heart. Its pre-occupied.But no, I cried cause I know what it means to lose your first love. He did and I did too. I cried imagining his grief, his trauma. For the first time probably, I blamed God. I blamed God for what he did with a fine person like him. What happened was not right.

Though nothing changed after that. He kept asking me ?How about taking Samantha for walk??, ??.for dinner??, ?What should I gift her??, ?Which place should I take her today??. He never forgot to inform me with every detail of the day with Samantha. I guess he had no idea what was I going through. I was ruined as a person, as a student. I could not study, I could not eat, I could not sleep. All I could do was shed unnoticed tears. I have no idea, what made them fall free. They just fled my eyes for no reason.

After 1 month:
Corey: Wassup?
Me: Ah, nothing. On way back home from school. How come you are at home? Dint go to school?
Corey: Nope. I was busy thinking about several things so skipped the school.
Me: So, should I call you after I reach home?
Corey: No, no. I just have to ask you a simple question, that?s it.
Me: Oh, I am already prepared, ask me. (I know it must be about Samantha again. Pity me.)
Corey: Do you love anyone?
Me: Are you alright?
Corey: I am better than ever. Now answer me.
Me: I donno.
Corey: I know its your fav answer for all questions. I am your best friend na? Would you lie me?
Me: You know I will never say a lie to you. (That?s the problem, I cant lie).
Corey: Lets make a deal. First you tell me about your love then I will tell you about mine. Fine?
Me: Look, I need some time. Would it be okay if I call you tomorrow evening?
Corey: Okay. (I can sense his coldness).
This is insane. Why couldn?t he tell me straight forward that he loves Samantha? Why does he need to bring me into trouble? I cant tell him that I love him. That would ruin our friendship. It will be like forcing him away from Samantha. That?s selfish. Moreover, I cant lie.

Next day is horrible. I take a compass, place my left palm on desk, close my eyes and start stabbing by it uttering ?truth? ?lie? ?truth? ?lie???. Idea is, if the compass pierces my fingers on the call of lie, I would lie and if it does so on call of truth, I shall confess the truth.
Truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, OOUCHHHHHH.
That means, I shall confess. I have an idea.

Evening:
Me: Hi.
Corey: Hello, so had your time? You wont lie na?
Me: Lets make it clear. We will forget this conversation as soon as it ends. It shall make no difference to our thoughts and friendship.
Corey: Why?
Me: Because I said, that?s why. Just forget everything as soon as u hear and we will not discuss about it. EVER.
Corey: We will see. Now tell me.
Me: I am a girl. You should tell me first to make me comfortable.
Corey: I thought you will never realize that you are a girl. Have you ever seen a face powder? Or eyeliner? No na. Do that today since you realized it. Thank God you accepted that you are a girl. I will take the credit for it. Now, since I asked the question first, you will have to answer first.
(I am stuck. I cant figure out what to do.)
Me: Okay, I have two names to tell (I am cleverer than you think). 1st is Branden. I guess everyone knows I have a crush on him. Now you tell. (They say, if you cross your fingers when you lie, it is not considered a lie, so that?s what I do).
Corey: I also have two names. 1st is ?ST?, you know this for sure. Now, you tell the second name. (He is far more smarter than me).
Me: Okay, (I don?t believe that I am doing this, it cuts like a knife to say this) please don?t mind but its YOU.
Corey: Mom is calling me. I will message you the second name. Bye for now.

Tears drizzle down my face. I have done him so wrong. How uncomfortable have I made him. How will he now tell me that he loves Samantha? Above all, I know I am going to be rejected, but I still said that. How will I face the rejection, it would be so hard to do it.How will we face each other now? Meanwhile, I get his message. That?s what it reads???

?I never knew I could ever fall in love, but I can feel it now OPTIONS DELETE. Yeah, I deleted it. I cant take the pain of reading the message.

1 hour later:
Corey: Read the message?
Me: I am sorry, but it somehow got deleted before I could read it. But its okay, I know its Samantha.
Corey: (Angrily)I send you a message and you couldn?t read it? It had your name on it. I Love You.
Me: What are you saying. You have lost your senses.
Corey: Why do you think so?
Me: I don?t deserve you. You are a perfect man. And who am I? A good for nothing, average girl. That?s it.
Corey: You are under-estimating yourself.
Me: (First time I am crying right on phone. I am roaring and crying.) No. I am right. You deserve an angel, an adornment. Please think over it. You are mistaking. Its true, its true that I love you more than my life, I think about you all day, and when I sleep, I dream of myself in your embrace on a highway in heavy rains, I think whats good for you before thinking what makes me happy, your issues bother me more than my worries, I feel like sharing all my life with you but, I am not the one made for you. When I look at myself, I feel ashamed. I don?t deserve to stand beside you. I don?t want to embarrass you when all your other friends stand with pretty ladies. I love you dear but that does not mean I would force you to accept me.
Corey: Keep quiet. Keep quiet I say. I have already made you cry so many times. No more. All these days, I kept making you jealous and you kept crying. I always loved you. But I dint know how to make you confess it. And now, you are saying that
Me: I am saying what is practical. Please leave me alone.



Tell me if you liked it. Take Care.