his last text message part 1

cheri

he's gone.
his eyes, his touch, his kiss, his scent, his voice, his life, and his love, it's gone.
everything's gone.
all the time we spent together,
every moment of my life i was with him will no longer be continued.


Scott, he honestly wasn't the only happiness in my life.
He truthfully wasn't the only thing I had and he wasn't the only source of love for me.
but now he's gone. his life taken by a bullet of nobody's.


I hated the world.
I hated life and everything I saw with my eyes.
I regretted so much.
I coudln't forgive myself for being so dumb, being so naive and so numb to the world around me that prevented me from understanding the true love of his.

3 years and 25 days ago, the end of my long relationship was announced by my boyfriend's death. His way of saying good-bye wasn't the best way to leave someone.
it was a Saturday. it was raining that day. actually, it was a very bright sunny day until the last moment of his breath.
the day was our 2 year anniversary.
he called me in the morning and apologized.
he told me he was too busy with a biology project and said he couldn't hang out that day.
I felt like shit, thinking 'is he kidding me? how could he choose a stupid biology project over his girlfriend?' I was selfish. I didn't know he was planning an event for us at the park. I didn't know.