tommy and me...

filipina

i was 19 and i was the most foolish girl in the world. i started internet dating and seek for men who will support me... all i want was money... money for my family and me. then one day it was January, i started hunting for men... but one guy..tommy sent me a message and told me i was beautiful. happy that someone is interested in me and a potential financer. i chatted with him and i act as if i was naive and that was my first time joining dating site.. we chatted for hours, and i found myself falling in love with him. he was 31 at that time, and for me even though i really really like him. money is still the first motive why i want to befriend him... he supported me,financially and for me he was my ideal man..we talked about marriage, and everything under the "internet" ... i fell in love with him.. he was the nicest and most gentle man I've ever known. he did not dare to ask if i was a virgin or i had boyfriends before. he just want me for who i am... still the need to have some money still urged me to ask him for money.. he said that he cant send me because he is in big debt because he will start a new business. i was sad because i really expected him to give me,, so i did not mail him for days...i feel so angry with him because he did not give me money.. and then he asked me what went wrong... i just told him nothing and stop mailing him.. then days passed and i found a message on my email telling,

honey,,

all this business that I'm working on is because of you, i want to give you a nice life in your country, want to give all to you, but you have to wait,,, i cant give you everything in an instant, if i have 1 dollar in my account i would give you the 75 cents and i can live with the remaing 25, but u decided to trade my love for money and that surely is the only thing important to you.... i love you...

it felt like i was hit by a truck, and i was too ashamed to mail him back... the only reason why i ask for money is because i live with my aunt...she wants us to give her money all the time or else we will be kicked out of the house... i had a job but its not even enough for food, so i decided to do this horrible online dating scam... after that incident... i did not go back to online dating.. i stopped... i cried everyday for months. there are times when i watched t.v, i stopped and think of him and tears fell on my face. i cant come back to him because I'm so ashamed of what i have done.... after a 2years of crying i take a peek at his myspace account and cried to death when i saw him kissing the woman whom just gave birth to a baby girl on the lips.. i cant explain what i felt that day... its so painful i cant breath.. i paid the price of hurting those other man, and its a very painful price...even up to this day i still take a look at his pictures... with his wife.. i don't cry anymore but i can still feel the hurt inside me.. even though 4 years had passed and even though i haven't seen him personally.. only through web cam... insane but that's reality...