October The Third

Savannah

October the third was the worst day of my life. It was October of 2010, when I woke it was gloomy day to begin with, At ten o'clock my mom called me, i heard very loud noises in the background.
Mom: "Where are you"?
Me: Shana's ( my best friend )
Mom: Someone's dead
Me: who?
Mom: Busia (grandma)
(Drops the phone)
At that moment I had felt someone had taken my life anyway, my grandma was like a mom to me. You couldn't possibly comprehend the feeling and trust I had for my Busia. My mom friend drove me home and as soon as I open the front door I busted out crying. I looked around frantically for her, but her stuff wasn't there. See she had just moved into an new apartment three days ago. And my mom was at the complex paying her respects, my brother and my cousin had to see their own gramdma dead. My brother was shaking in the corner of his room. Never have I seen my little brother so beaten and broken down. Never had I heard my bull-strong grandpa cry this loud. Never had my cousin cried in front of me. That day was the worst day of my whole entire life. only thirteen at the time. Her funeral was a week after, it was so late because she was cremated. That day I had never seen that many people in one place. About 130 people at her resting place. An when we all sat down it was like a choir but of cries and yells. I even lead the funeral with my speech. "My grandma, what can I say? She was the most understanding person alive, caring about everyone, giving to everyone. Almost every time we got into the car we drove down to Dairy Queen for Blizzards amd blasted the 80s music. I'll miss your dance moves". Sounds a little silly? But she wanted us to know everyday if she dies play All Summer Long by Kid Rock. And this was not the first time my family took a trip to. this funeral home once in 2001 and once in 2008. For my great-grandpa and my aunt. My grandpa is completely torn apart for all these deaths. This year his best friend from high school died (two of them) and their mothers. About a month after my Busia died I was mute, I barely talk and refused to believe she was dead. I was anger, depressed and dangerous. My mom even took me the "the hospital" and they said I was in suicidal category. But I always talked to my mom about all my anger so I was fine. I barely talked in school but did my schoolwork. About three months after was Christmas time, boy was I sad. Talking a little morr, I was empty without her. She always danced and sung and made everyone happy. They were happy but not as happy as last year. My cousins completely forgotten about her death it seems just complained about the amouth of gifts they had. My mom, brother and me on the other hand were happy and sad and terribly missed her. My mom and grandpa watched and observed me and said shes having a worst time going though this than I am! In my family none has been sick and dying in the hospital for awhile it all seems random. So it actually scares me. Six-nine months. Her birthday. This is really hard for my grandpa and my big cousin Justin. He broke up with his girlfriend and started drinking and using drugs. Which scared my family because that's what my aunt died of. He still continues to do it. One years just passed up a couple days ago. Depressed and said I was. I was at my friends house at first then came home at 8 at night and screamed and cried myself back to bed. I don't try and forget about her, I just try to get over it. Every once in awhile i get crazy and have to be taken to the hospital but i calm down. I'm bipolar but never showed it until my Busia died. Because i can't live without her. I know she may she be here and watching me but i need her back. Just one hug before God takes her away from me. Just one more dancing session. Just one more moment with her. But it's in the past and I'll never let you go, never.