I am Nothing

Panda

She watches as they pass her by... Shadows with no faces. She wonders why no one knows she hurts. She looks at the floor, always saying nothing. As if she herself is the shadow...

Once, the first days of school, she was sitting alone before class. This one girl looked at her, smiled, and said, "It's no fun being alone." She smiled. Her first friend.

Yet, there was another girl. This girl was always envious of the scared girl. Why? This is a question we still do not have the answer to. This girl hurt her emotionally. Taunting her.

She covered her face with her hair. Never let them see your eyes. Eyes cannot lie.

She cries every night. She dies a little more each time. No one loved her.

She hears voices. Schizophrenia runs in her family. She's scared she has it. The voices tell her scary things. They tell her she isn't worth the time. They tell her she will slowly lose everyone she cares about. One by one they will all disappear...

She didn't think much of it...until two of her best friends moved far away. Now she can't talk to them. Now she can't see them. She already has lost many. She can't take much more. She hates life.

Her parents take her to a therapist. She's scared that she will let her schizophrenia slip. She doesn't want to go away forever.

She isn't good to herself. Scars litter the bottom of her wrists. She is ashamed of herself. Why does pain make the voices go away?

Then...she met him. He's in her favorite class. But she was to shy to talk to him. She dismissed the thought of making a new friend almost immediately. What would he want to do with a broken girl like her?

One day, her friend texted her. He asked if it was okay to give her number to the boy. She said it was fine.

When she talked to him she learned they had a lot in common. One day when she was upset, he texted her. He told her he loved her. She was shocked.

A few weeks after this, he asked her to be his girlfriend. The funny thing was he was at a concert and she was alone at home. She responded with of course.

He watched her wrists. They were stopping for each other.

She knew that she loved him. Yet, she knows she isn't good enough. He deserves someone who can always make him happy. But, even if he changes his mind about loving her she decides she will stay with him. Because she knows she loves him.

And now...now she still waits to lose someone precious. Because the voices never stop.