Friendship and Love(2)

TheGuy

So I kept on encouraging her and things started to change. We had hanged out many times before but this time she said she had something to tell me and its bugging her and so she had to tell me. So we hanged out the whole day, walking around town, playing tag, watching clouds, laying in the football field. Then I finally said I had to go home so she had to tell me, so she said okay lets walk her. So we continued walking and she wanted to go through an alley and I was confuse but we were best friends so I didn't care. As we went she looked around and I was even more confused, then she leaned up and kissed my cheek. I was surprised, I liked it but I was shocked. Then she said did I get her message and we talked. I told her I liked her a lot too and I would love to be more than best friends but at that moment she had her own boyfriend and problems and I had a very stressful time and so it wasn't good. She said understand what I was saying and just thought she would tell me because it was bothering her and I said well I like you too. A lot and I kissed her back which was bad because her boyfriend wanted her to be more of a "honest" girlfriend and she had to tell him about this. Of course he was upset and said some really stupid mean things and they broke up. I comforted her and helped her out so much. She liked me too and so she got back to feeling the same in no time. Of course she liked me so as time went by we got closer and closer. Then one day I held her hand and we hugged. I was really excited about this and things just started to get better. As time went by I eventually asked her out and it took her a while to say yes but she did and I was the luckiest man in the world. We loved each other. This all happened sophomore year and so when we eventually went out it was towards the end of the school year. I was upset because summer would come and I had to work. Of course I thought all this was true and we would last forever. We kissed many times and it was the best time of my life. Our relationship went on for 3 straight months and it was the best 3 months and I thought it was the best but as time went on the truth will always reveal itself. Summer came and I worked during the day and we chatted online at night. I came home around 10 and we would chat till 1 or 2 in the morning. We hanged out some days and I knew it wasn't enough because I found myself missing her more and more. She then told me she had to go to France with her mom to visit relatives. I honestly didn't want her to go because her old boyfriend was over there too because her old boyfriend was her first cousin and her would be over there. She said it would be fine and she loved me and only me. She would be leaving the twos before summer ended and would come back in time for school again. I wasn't so sure about it but I couldn't do anything. Summer went and came and soon she was going to leave to France. Before she left we spent a day together taking pictures and just hanging out before she left. We went to the park and did the old things we did. We played around and then we sat and kissed at the bench. I carved our names into the bench and it was awesome. Soon she had to leave so i walked her home. The next day she left for France, I missed her. Little did I know what she was feeling inside, what she really thought. The truth. Four days into her trip she emailed me online saying the trip was awesome and she had something to tell her "best buddy". I was confused, I was her boyfriend not her "buddy". But thats it I "Was" her boyfriend. I emailed her back wanting to know an explanation. She emailed me and it said:
" I know you wanted an explanation but it will be a while before I come back so I'm going to explain it on here. When I'm with you I feel as if your my brother and my close friend only. It wasn't like when I was with my ex-boyfriend. In fact, I tried to replace him with you and everything we did reminded me of him. I never felt any sparks with you and there was nothing. You are an awesome person but I can't open my heart to you because it was already opened to my other boyfriend. I tried loving you but I can't. I love him and I can't not love him. As perfect as you are I can't love you, as imperfect as he his I cannot not love him. You will find somebody I know it."
From there, that email changed everything. I was torn. I cried the whole night. It hurt. I was speechless. Summer was ending and she would come back and it would be awkward. I didn't understand and I thought there was something but obviously there wasn't. She never liked me and she never well. It was the best and worst summer ever. I didn't know what to do, so I talked to her boyfriend, congratulating him and her and saying the best thing that I can. I didn't want to make it look like I was upset and I still missed her. When she came back we barely talked because I know I would cry if we did. So I kept my distance, besides I think she didn't want to talk to me anyways. Now I'm a junior and we barely talk. We walk past each other like nothing happened. I miss her from time to time but what can I do? I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. Sometimes I cut away my pain. I don't know what to do. It so different and she has her boyfriend anyways. I'm just so depress but I manage to focus myself on my education and my life/family. I still think about her and our friendship and our love. I see her everyday and its hard to let go. There's still questions that haven't been answered and things I still want to know, but I can't talk to her about serious things because I would only cry. I don't know what to do. I get suicide thoughts but I think about my family and friends and I don't. But things will never be the same. I know. Just got to leave life to the fullest even if the smile is fake.

The End