Is it me or him?

immatured bitch

THE SEARCH IS OVER!...
that was what I thought when we set the date of our wedding,I'm not getting married because both of us planned to, I'm getting married because I am carrying our baby. I'm am 19 years old and he's 22.
Our relationship started when I was on my college days all of our schoolmates envied me of having him as my boyfriend,he's the kind of man every girls would be dreaming of,he had the qualities of a perfect boyfriend.He had even supported his studies by himself as a working student in our school. During those times I was not that totally attracted to him, I might have admired him but not as much as making him the apple of my eye. Days went on I noticed myself falling for him, I started to get jealous whenever there's someone who'll seat with him in his own chair, It was nothing for him, but it was something for me. We didn't talk that much in school as what a usual lovers do, for us a simple smile, hi and hello will do but we have the whole night texting each other.Minutes turns into hours, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months all I know is that I'm happy being with him. I idolizes him because he's so perfect for me, he's like my father and finding a guy like my father is what I always dreamed of. He graduated college and found a great job that fits for him, a job that he wanted that's why he took his course. I was so happy for him because he was happy. Days, weeks and months went on he resigned because he found the most challenging job for him with a good pay, he resigned because he got bored with his work and he wants to explore more, still what we are in college remains the same in fact we start to become more closer and more comfortable with each other and we have a lot of "I lOVE YOU". I was 18 years old then when we decided to live together but my parents doesn't even know for our plan, what they know is that I wanted to have a boarding house near to the place where I was working, that i was having a hard time taking a cab late at night when my shift is over,later on I had thier "yes" as an answer though they knew that I can't be so independent because I was some kind of a lazy person, i felt bad for what I did but what I know was that I wanted to be with him always and that's what he thinks too. We looked for a safe place for us to live and we did found it, it's near to my place of work and his place of work too. We moved on the second day and start our lives together.

We are living happily as we lived together and made a stronger relationship but when my mother visited me in our place he needs to hide, so funny yet that's what we always did. Until it reaches the time that my mother became more suspicious that she thinks we lived together, that's when I believed into mother's instinct. My mother forced me to live our boarding house and have me live again in our house. I was so sad during that day, i cried and never talk to my mother. I was thinking about him, what he might think of me leaving our boarding house, but he was so understanding to understand things though I haven't explain it yet. I worked on the next day and I was so early living our house because I wanted to see him, and I was missing him. I did came to our boarding house and see him there sleeping, I hug him and kiss, he woke up and have his smiling face as he whispers "I LOVE YOU" i wanted to cry but I don't want him to see me crying because of what had happened. We talked about it and told me that I can still go to our boarding house and sleep over,that's what I did every time I had excuses to my parents.
Not until my contract had ended and I don't have work anymore and had to stay at home,that's when all of our
conflicts happened it was a very small one but it was something for me, we started to argue on things I had observed but it was nothing to him. I started to compare things of what we are before to what we are now and he hated it, he just wanted me to drop it because he thinks that it's only in my imagination. when i asked him to visit me in my house it would take for him a lot of excuses before he says he will. That's not what he did before:(. I can only see him if I wanted to. I can only spend
a night with him if i'd lie to my parents. I hated myself when i think of the stupid things I did to my parents, I live with lies to them, but when I think of him I tried ignoring it, though I started to noticed his coldness in me. I just cant understand him. He'll make it up on me when I was the one who'll make the first move of fixing everything and then he'll gonna stay the same as before, for a week or even a month and then here we are again arguing and arguing. I had even tried breaking up on him but still I can't stand my decision I love him so much. But it was so easy for him breaking up with me, but I didn't accept it. I was so hurt with his decision and can't accept it that's why I forget my pride, eat it and beg him not to. So stupid of me but it was true.n And then he starts to act so bossy.
His sister's nuptials happened and we went to his place again without the consent of my mother, his real home far away from city, I met his mother and sisters but not his father because it was already dead when he was 1 year old. His family was very approaching and very kind to me, I was so happy then and made myself comfortable in their house. We go back to city with a smile in our face. And a month after that we found out that I am pregnant, we knew it because I had a pregnancy test. I don't have any emotions when i knew that I am pregnant, I'm not scared nor happy, as I let him see the result he smiled
and told me that we can't do anything but to accept it,he was happy because that's what I saw in his eyes and that made me feel stronger to hold on. I am 2 months pregnant then when my mother knew it but not not my father because he was working to
the other side of town.I didn't tell it personally to her because I don't wanna see her cry because of me, I don't wanna see her in grief that's why I ended up making a letter for her telling her how sorry I am for making this mistake and walked away from home and go to my boyfriends house and cried a lot. I can feel his words of encouragement and he comforts me. 2 days after my mother texted my boyfriend that she want's to talk what had happened and what his plan and he did it. We went home and we had a talk on whats the best for it to do. Until we ended up getting married before I labor. I know he is not sure of getting married because he always told me that we are still young to get married even before i got pregnant he doesn't even believed in marriage but that's what my mother wants us to do.

The date of our marriage was set next year. I am very happy because I am getting married to the person whom I love so
much. But still our conflicts always arise, he's being so bossy got even worst, whenever we've argued something it ended up
getting so cold with each other but I can't stand on it that's why i always made the first move. As am so young for all the responsibilities I might take and cArrying our baby inside my womb is not that easy. I am asking for something that I deserve but whenever i had this kind of feeling he starts to get mad and told me that it's nothing. He can't even understand my outburts. It is just like he's treating me like I was not carrying our baby though he always told me to take care of it.

I had lots of expectations for him but all of a sudden all was gone and tried believing myself that it's nothing though it was something. I sometimes get jealous with my friend who's carrying a baby too her husband is so understanding and so caring, I don't know but I can't describe the feeling that I feel whenever i see them together, I envied her, When she was down her husband cheer her up, when she is mad on something though her husband can't understand why he'll just smile and hug my friend telling her How she love him. He treated my friend like a gem and he can't stand see her crying. That's what I expected him to do so:( but it was sometimes in but always not.
I don't know why I'm like this all I could do is to cry in vain. I was hurt and still I am. I'm leaving again with him right now and we have conflict again. His mad just because of the price of the papaya I bought. 1 kilo if it was P35.00 and I bought only one it was almost half a kilo I guess and I paid P22.00 he's shock because the papaya doesn't even weighs half a kilo and i paid P22.00 though I noticed it I didn't confront the one whose selling it because I was craving for it, what he did for what had happened was to nagged me off. so funny and pathetic, nagging me like a 15 year old child. It hurts yes it was a simple thing yet it was already big for him. I hate it but all I could do is to remain silent and forget.