Love A Curse?

Manoj

To The World! I am sorry to write such a long story but then today its one of the days i feel very low...I am glad to find this site where i can share my story & my feelings..Thank You Lovers Of Sadness :) I hope you people will understand & try to respect what you have and realize how lucky you are :) Never let it go...just hold on tight when you know that its slipping....:)


I was in grade 10 when our school had its second Carnival. I had a stall which was about Challenge on Smackdown Vs Raw on PS2, Dvd's & Games & Some small board games as well.Our stall wasn't earning much and was usually empty & We had some chair which made it the only free place where people could actually sit and relax in all that hustle after getting Exhausted. My Partner had introduced me to his friends & thats the time when i met my soul, I dunno why but that time i really felt like living for another 1000 years if she was with me BUT she din't want to be my friend nor she wanted to talk to me the reason was because i use to be a Flirt & Hooligon (I became a hooligon was for the very reason that in those high school days it use to be kool)

I tried my best to get her contact details but then it wasn't of any use because she would never talk to me or even add me on MSN,HI5 or My Space (as of those days).After a year of Tremendous Efforts she gave me a chance of being her friend since i became a better person.When she came in my life even though as a friend it changed everything.I had an ambition of being successful.Got good grades became a part of my school senate, everything was perfect even when i expressed my feelings to her in grade 12. I got a Yes the most amazing day of my life :D

Like all relationships we had fights in ours too but then no matter what we both never had ego and both of us would just take our phones and start apologizing to each other & we both were too sensitive for each other, she would just cry on the phone too scared of loosing me coz of the silly fights & i would soothe her with a tear drop in my eyes.Everything was going good from past 4 months until one day...

It was the first time we had a storm in our country.I was playing cricket then and had no where to Run when it happened.I grabbed my self to a car's side mirror but slipped by the strong winds and landed on the road and was bumped by a jeep (The visibility was 1%) i couldn't breathe & with constant blood flowing from my mouth i thought that i am gonna die coz there wasn't any help & it wasn't possible for my parents to reach there, I din't wanna try coz it was dangerous.I crawled myself to a bit safer place so that i could sms her I love you for the last time.It was hard but i managed & fainted.I found myself later in the hospital thanks to god i was all good but then she was hospitalized due to the shock.I was sad of her being hospitalized but was happy about getting a true love.

After few days while i was coming back from Tuition i had fainted in my building & my parents took me to the doc as it was the First time it had ever happened to me.the doc gave them a report stating that i had Brain Tumor.It was a shock.I didn't care about myself but her.I was too scared to tell her the truth since i was her first love,I was scared about her being a pessimistic & knowing the fact of loosing me she would kill herself or do something wrong with life.I was scared coz She was just 17 & had a long way to go doesn't matter if i wasn't there its just how it was suppose to be,It was gods wish none of us can stand a chance against it & then i got an idea of getting her out of all this without any risk to her, So i decided to make myself look bad again, I showed her that i had affairs with the help of some girls,talked rudely to her, annoyed her with many bullshit talks like i am a sick person and made myself a liar & jerk and finally i was successful and she left me.I cried a lot trust me.i just wanted to die asap.i never ate,drank anything or even slept & coz of that i became weak and hospitalized & then after few days we decided to confirm it from a different hospital & thank god we realized that Brain tumor was a misdiagnosis.I was sooooo happy that i went back and called her but she refused to talk & never gave me a chance to Explain her anything....

In Few months After Completing our high school in Kuwait She moved to Dubai for her further education & i left for Canada.Its been over 3 yrs since i lost her...but every moment i spent talking to her is the only reason i am alive.I tried all i could to get in touch but her friends are never friendly or willing to help nor is she there on any social networks sites.I Found Out about her university in Dubai & i went there twice from Canada but could never meet her or even see her around.Now m no longer trying to get in touch to explain her.its been long n mayb she is dating some Mr perfect :) In case if i try i would make it to her n what if she comes to know about the truth?her perfect life might get ruined.I am happy with the fact she is happy, my life doesn't count :)


Every month On the day we first met is the day when i get some gift for her n keep in my closet.
Every month on the day when she said yes is the day when i help my friends out who are in relation by giving money or lending my cars.
On her birthday i celebrate it too.i cut cakes,buy gifts & take the day off.
I have her pics all over my room :)
From the day we are apart i have started writing all the activities & adventures i had the whole day,my sadness,happiness,special moments on a piece of sheet considering that its her & she is listening to me.It has been collected up to 2300+ pages.
These things are what which made me live & i decided to live my life like this.I enjoy my life with all luxury, happiness & more importantly a love which is not physically present but mentally will always be till my last breathe.

You think i am insane?I am not i was n still i am in madly love with her.

I Love you....

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