My whole life died

IMISSYOU

one day i was on myspace and i started talking to his guy i knew from school, we started talking more and more until eventually he asked me out. of course i said yes i had been crazy about this guy for a while

One summers day me and my boyfriend went to the park to hang out, i had one of my friends with me and she seems bored so my boyfriend said i will tell my friend to come hang out with us.

I did not know who this guy was that my boyfriend had told to come hang out with us, at least i thought i didn't but when i seen him i knew exactly who he was, he was the guy i would look at every time i walked past him at school and think to myself 'i wish i had the guts to talk to him'

So when my boyfriend introduced me to this guy who's name i did not know at the time my heart stopped, this guy was the guy i had had a crush on for about a year(since i first laid eyes on him)

me and this guy(lets call him ron) seemed to have a connection from the moment we first spoke, his eyes were a gorgeous brown, his skin was slightly tanned and his smile was adorable.

we spent awhile talking and then me and my boyfriend decided that ron and my friend (lets call her kit) should hook up, at the time i thought it was a great idea because i alrealy had my prince charming so i thought she deserved one to.

at first we got them sitting closer to each other and then i grabbed their hands and tried to make them hold hands, kit let her arm loose, it was obvious she wanted to hold his hand but ron would not let his arm loose and eventually he looked up at me with a 'please stop' look so i stopped. my boyfriend said 'maybe we should go for a walk and give them some privacy' i thought that was i great idea, but i didn't realize until i walked away that i did not want them to be together, but i just acted like it was all good and kept on walking.

when we came back i asked kit if anything happened and she said 'no' i huge feeling of relief cam over me, me, my boyfriend and ron mucked around for an hour or 2 until it was time for me and kit to go. i couldn't help but notice that kit did not join in when we were ll mucking round, i asked he about it and she just said she didn't feel like it.

at bout 6 o'clock that night we(me and kit)were getting ready to head out to a new years party and she said to me can you ask ask your boyfriend for ron's number? so i asked him and he gave it to me. of course i gave it to my friend but i also sent him a txt.

after a few days of text i told him i got jealous when he txted kit and he said he would stop for a while which mad me really happy. although i still had my boyfriend i had started to really like this guy, but i would not admit it

a month or 2 passed and eventually me and ron were best-friend, and i would not want that to change, me and my boyfriend's relationship has kind of hit the rocks and we just kept fighting so i started to turn to ron a lot more for advice and comfort

eventually me and my boyfriend broke up, it was at that time that ron told me that he loved me, all i wanted to say ws i love you too but i couldn't because his friendship meant the world to me and i did not want to ruin that friendship.

ron always told me that he would always respect any decision i made because he just wanted me to be happy.

another few months passed and ron had got a girlfriend, i will admit i was very jealous to start off with but then i realized that even thou i loved him i had to let him be happy, i really liked his girlfriend so i decided that i should stop talking to ron so that there was no way i could ruin their relationship.

after they broke up ron tried to talk to me again and we sort of talked a bit but our convo's were not as interesting and fun as they used to be. he would text me ever night and it sort of became annoying

one night my phone was flat and i had my sim in one of my friends phones and ron's number was not saved to my sim so i did not have his number and he texted me and said 'hey' i replied who's this and he said 'ron' and i through that phone to the ground and yell 'F*#K OFF RON'

a little while after that i went to school in the best mood ever and i walked into my class really happy and then one of my friend came to school and said to me 'ron's in a coma' my heart broke i went to my desk and sat down. i wouldn't talk to anyone, while i was sitting down i could hear one of my best friends bitching about me, i felt like the whole world was against me

later that day i was told he was pronounced brain dead, that was the moment my life changed forever, now I'm not one to cry at school but on this day i balled my eyes out for hours, i got hugs off people i had never even spoke to, i could hear people in my classroom gossiping about what had happened to ron, the truth was he had an asthma attack at the age of 18 and due to lack of oxygen became brain dead.

that night i laid in bed crying but i could not sleep and even if a did manage to get to sleep i would wake up crying every 15 minutes, the waking up crying continued for 3 weeks, but that was the easy part of it, i loved that boy more than anything in this world and not matter what i did no one or anything could bring him back

on the night that they turned off his life support i laid in bed and cried all night,l little did i know that that was the night my whole life changed. i was once a happy girl but now i am just a sad lonely girl that prays every night for the guy she loves to come back

one night i threatened to kill myself, one of my old friends rang my mum and told her, i was so angry at her i didn't want anyone to kno how badly it was affecting me but unfortunately i could hind behind the fake smile forever

i cut his name into my skin, i write letters to him every night, i cry for him every night but nothing will bring him back :(

i made numerous suicide attempts but unfortunately none of them ever worked

my whole life died on July the 1st, the guy i loved died.

i never got to say goodbye

a few months ago they spread his ashes here is one of the notes written on his wall the day of his birthday/ day they spread his ashes:
Today is the day that the wind and sea will carry you to new places to explore and see the world. May you travel far my friend but always remember were home is! Fly with the wind and be taken by the sea forever in our hearts <3