Beautifully hating him

Anonymous

We never really thought much of each other before this but everything changed after the day I ended up drinking with him.
I was lying in his arms with his friends at his house. His parents weren't going to be home for the next 3 days, so we had a free place to stay. He had come to me, I did flirt with him a bit right before he came and sat next to me. He put one arm around my waist and the other on my thigh. I put down the bottle of vodka that was in my hands and began making out with him.
"let's go to my room" he whispered in my ear.
"Alright" I smiled promiscuously, as I nervously myself up the stairs. His fingers were placed between mine. He gracefully placed me onto his bed.You could see the excitement on his face as he locked his lips onto mine. He took off his sweater. We didn't talk much which seemed to have bothered me. He took my shirt of, along with my bra. His shirt was off at this point and he sucked on my neck as his hands pulled down my pants. He closed the lights and from there on, things do seem to be a blur. The alcohol really hit me then but what I remember was just...feeling him near me, with me, on me. His cold skin rubbing against my body as the night ended. I got home really late. I unlocked my door and walked straight into my room and feel asleep. The next morning we both pretended as though nothing had happens. I know it was suppose to be casual sex but it did hurt to think about it. If he really liked me...he would want to be with my later on to right? He didn't really care and I was just too stupid to let my feelings interfere. I don't even know why I liked him. Was it for Lust? And why am I still thinking of him...every so often...