Falling in-love at the wrong time

Meicie

Falling in-love is the best part of life..
But what if you have fallen at the wrong person or I must say at the wrong time because nothing wrong in love..

My name is Meicie,I was engaged before when I?m 24 years old, but with a blink of an eye I changed my mind. One month before the wedding I back out. I know I hurt my ex-boyfriend so much but I have no choice, it?s a lifetime decision and I don?t want to regret in the end. After a month as life smoothly flows, even I still thinking my ex for what I?ve done to him I meet a guy who will change my life. He is JP, 32 years old, in our first encounter im not attracted to him because I know he is committed. He is a subcontractor in our office, and when we transfer on the new office that?s the time I know him better and I accept I had a crush on him. As days go by, a little bit we get closer because of my office mates. Every break I see him and there are time he brought snacks to us (for the whole group) he know about my love life sometimes he heard it from friends. One day JP asks me to go out I don?t know why he do that, but deep in side I?m happy and at the same time excited. I ignore him because I know he is a married man. After that I never thought that he will ask me again to go out, so I was thinking why?? Is he challenging me?? I never know.
He get my number and he start calling on me asking when we will go out (he said a friendly date only) so I decided to go. On our first date I?ve learned that he had a 3 kids and a Beauty Queen wife (whoa! Title holder and me ordinary office girl)
After that I never know that date will followed by another date, I was happy every time were together we go out 2-3times a week, we watch movies, drive for nothing. He is always there for me feel me that im important to him. During blessing of my new house my family are not available, he?s there. I didn?t noticed that im falling for him and that?s the conflicts on us.. I always remind myself to stop because of his situation he is married, I?m single and sure I will find the right guy for me. But still I always find myself on his arms. It?s a mortal sin if we continued seeing each other specially we do a thing that lovers only do. At first I'm afraid but what can I do I love him and I have no strength to urge. That scenario was done again and again, many times. I never realized that what we are doing has an end, I always dreaming a happily ever after. Even I know in the end this situations will hurts me terribly. One day he didn?t call me I was waiting for him, three weeks past but still no call from him I was depressed, may work and daily life was affected pimples, eye bags and I lost weight. I confide this to Aileen my best friend I never heard any bad things to her he just say If you are happy with him call try to call him and ask the reason why. But my pride is there I did not call him. One day my friend told me JP will came here after a few minutes, when I heard that my heart beats faster. When I saw him it?s a mix emotion I want to cry and ask him why but I didn?t do and beside my office mates doesn?t know about us. I ignore him even he get in to my area, I pretend that i'm busy. Afterwards he call on my local line, asking my number ?according to him all his contacts was deleted, to stop our conversation I gave my number? he called me, explaining why. After hearing his explanations, all my issues was gone.(maybe I'm crazy) after office hours he said he will go to my house, when I opened the door he hug me, I hug him tight(I miss him so much!) when he said sorry, all the pain and worries fades away.
I don?t know what to do. I want to stop loving him but how??
He is my life now.. and its hurting me..
What should i do??