A Smile Is Full Of Secrets.

Haych.

Standing in the room watching Daddy get drunk and beat up Mummy again, I'm five, there's nothing I can do to stop him, I scream and shout but it only makes things worse he slowly releases his hands from Mummys throat and turns to me, "shut it you, Daddy and Mummy are just playing a game" they always play this 'game'. Mummy cries when they play the game, mummy looks scared when they play the game, i try and stop the game but daddy says "why, do you want to play as well?" mummy screams no not her she doesn't want to play just stop it. Mummy picks me up and takes me into the bedroom and tucks me into bed, "night night darling go to sleep i love you." she picks up the phone and starts telling someone about the 'game' her and my dad were playing and then i hear a familiar sound, the sound of sirens, have they come for daddy again mummy id say? "yes honey now go to sleep" as i lay in bed i here daddy shouting "you'll pay for this" I'm used to this as it happens most nights, one night it happened again this time i didn't see my daddy after the sirens, I'm 6 now and my brothers 11, mummys asleep and someone comes into my room, its my brother, he wants me to do stuff, bad stuff, this carries on for a few more years the bad stuff that he wants me to do and the bad stuff he does to me, I'm 9 now and each time my brother wants to do bad stuff it gets worse and he wants more bad stuff to happen, sexually abused for 3 years now and i haven't told anyone about the other 'games' my brother made me play, i thought it was normal, i never knew any better, my mum has now turned to alcohol to try and forget the past, I'm 10 i don't know where my dad is, my mums an alcoholic and my brother sexually abuses me, when I'm i going to get a break? well I'm not, this carries on for a further 4 years i still haven't told anyone about my brother or my mum, when i was 14 my brother moved away, i was free i thought someone must be looking over me after all, after 9 years of sexual abuses someone took care of me and i finally had the courage to tell my mum about what had been happening, of course i just made things worse and she started to suffer from depression, she was really ill and still drinking, but things started to get better for us, i got a boyfriend and i finally had a normal teenage life, well whatever 'normal' is, my mum was still drinking but wasn't so depressed anymore, 4 months into my relationship i found out he'd cheated on me so i broke up with him, i thought someone actually loved me for once and they went and betrayed my love and trust, as if i hadn't had enough hurt as it was, but as i started to get over it a further 4 month down the line i fainted and it turns out I'm 7 months pregnant! so I'm 15 and now have to tell my mum and the father about the baby, my mum was actually very supportive and so was the father (at first) for a few weeks we started talking a lot more and getting along and trying to make everything work out, then suddenly he doesn't want to know anymore so I'm left with a few weeks to go before I'm due, and have to deal with everything on my own again, GREAT. 6th august, the day i went into labour, i had a very traumatic labour but thankfully the baby was fine and so was i in the end, I'm 16 now and my baby is almost 1, the father still doesn't want to know hes son, even after me basically begging him, my mum is still an alcoholic, i still haven't seen my dad and nor my brother but I'm still smiling.