INVISIBLE

debbie

Hey there! I?m here trying to share a story of an unnoticed love. To start everything, I?m 17 years old, being in dull relationship twice (hehe), and I can say, I?m not new anymore on the ways of love because somehow, I have a bit of understanding of it. UNNOTICE LOVE? Yes, I have these strange feelings towards a guy. He is an upper class student, cute and a bit mysterious. I never expected to feel like this while I?m here in this school. Well, because I entered a university which I thought all the guys studying here are all weird. Not really, I mean this school are for smart students and I really don?t know why I able to passed the entrance examination.
It all started when I was forced to get up early before 7 when my class was supposed to be 9 AM. We are required to pass a reflection paper about the documentary we?ve watched in my Social Science 10 subject, deadline was at 7 sharp. It was so irritating, that I really look odd even after taking a bath. I really hate waking up early but I have nothing to do with it. I was climbing in the stairs up to the 2nd floor of our school still thinking of my sleeping habit. It was 6:45 AM in the morning, and I really feel cold and sleepy. Then my attention was caught by a guy staring at me while he was heading on my direction. I was a bit startled of his stare, and I wonder why his looking at me as if studying my face. I try to ignore him then continue walking. I have able to pass my reflection paper and I already forgotten that guy. After my classes that day I went home in the dorm, I?m staying in a dormitory for both girls and boys. While resting, I suddenly remember the guy I encounter early that morning and I?m wondering what his name was. Days pass by, seems to be normal, but I never got the chance to see that guy again. Maybe we have a different schedule and of course we have a big school. It was Thursday afternoon; I and my roommate are heading to our respected rooms to attend our 2:30 class. Then a tall guy was approaching our way, it was no other than but him, I really feel lucky and happy for seeing him again. But it is different now, he is not looking on me anymore and it makes me think that maybe he just found my face amusing that morning because of my irritation. I was able to look at him intently and I find him cute. That night, his image keeps on repeating on my bothered mind, and then I have to deal and accept the fact that I already develop a crush on him. I feel inspired every time I went to school expecting to see him. More days passed, and I?ve able to memorize his schedule, really funny but I?ve able to know his schedule by just observing him. After my 2:30 class, I went back to the dorm, feeling so hungry because of skipping lunch that?s why I decided to dropped by outside the dorm and buy some food. I?m heading my way to the vendor when I noticed him buying food. I?ve able to come nearer but my mind was not on the food but on the guy beside me. I was lost that moment which is a very crazy idea. He was able to get his change but I?m still looking blankly on the food. The vendor ask me what to buy and that?s the time where I able to get back my sanity, then I turned around and I saw him entering the dorm near our dorm. I was happy because it only means that we live near each other. At last, I?ve able to buy food, but I can?t deny my joy. I really wonder why I haven?t notice him before when in fact I have a lot of chances to see him. Maybe I?m always busy of myself being neutral (I mean being away from guys but not claiming to dislike them too). It?s been so long when I decided not to take any serious crush on a guy, and it was successful because it lasted for a year. But with this guy, I want to take risk again. It?s been a month and the feelings I have for him stays as it was, I have this feeling that it won?t fade easily. I was in the school with a friend that afternoon and I?m much aware of his presence around me. I suddenly shared my feelings on my friend. Then her reactions made me shocked because she said that the guy I was telling about was the boyfriend of the governor of the organization where I and the guy was also a member. I don?t know what to say, but I maintain my sense of mind and keep on listening on her story. I was dumbfounded inside but I manage to keep it. I attended my last class with a heavy heart. I?m hurt and so insecure thinking that his girlfriend was a famous icon in our school. I decided to keep it in my friends but I have no ways to keep it because the bad moods are always visible on me. I was really affected of the truth but in the end I still have nothing to do but give up. I continue observing him and the card of proofs was already laid in front of me. Months passed and I usually see them together walking as a typical lovers, I usually lost my direction when I saw them because I usually avoided them. I?m deeply hurt but I continue saying that I?m fine and it?s not a big deal because all I have for him was just a simple crush. But it?s not simple as that, because what I felt for him would have been entering in a feeling beyond a simple crush. What?s irritates me more is the fact that he is not aware of my feelings and pain. I secretly commit my heart to him, and he able to make me fall and stumble in the end. It?s a bitter reality I need to face every day as I continue studying in this school.
At the end of the day, I?m just telling myself that it?s better not to take risk and being uncommitted because somehow it prevents you to be hurt. I?m going to live my life neutral as before. My nanay said that I?m pretty and I don?t need a guy to motivate myself to keep my appearance good. Which is true, that?s why in a simple way I?m doing my best to look good. Now, I?m living my life normally, and even it?s hard to accept at first, I?m now accepting the truth that they really look good together.




Angelic Soul_08
Continue....

Days passed, yes, I?ve already accepted that they are really into each other, yet every time I saw them, even only him, I always feel terrible, I always lost in a moment as if I?m not operating my mind. Funny, disgusting and shameful but true, I?m still hurt which again makes me hate them especially myself. I hate them for they hurt me without knowing it and most of all I hate myself for still feeling this stupid pain, loving a person who doesn?t even care that I exist and that we?re breathing the same air. No one can ever tell or describe how I feel at this very moment; I want to avoid seeing them together or any of them. But fate always play games with me, I usually, well we usually I mean, saw them together when we?re about to eat dinner. Do you know how I react every time that happen, well simple, from noisy to quiet. I used to scold myself for being obviously affected, not on them but on my friends. I?m just thankful of having wonderful friends who keep on cheering me up. My nights are full of stars without them showing my way (hehehe). But one fateful night, we are eating our dinner while talking about nonsense and funny things, we laugh senselessly as if we?re the only person on that place, then my friends keep quiet while I still pushes a funny story on them. As I turn my head on the other side of the table, my eyes caught him with his friend sitting on the same table we?re sitting. Anyway, we?re sitting on a table which can occupy 10 persons, 8 of us (me and my friends) are occupying it. I suddenly keep quiet as if I don?t care, but deep inside me, I feel cold, I feel I was having a fever, I really don?t understand. I want to make my friends hurry on their food pretending that I need to go back on the dorm quickly. Yet I know that they know what I mean. When we arrive at the dorm, I don?t know but I feel like crying, yes, I really cry over my despair, over the pain, over the anger, over and over. I was in the long agony at that night and deep in me, I told myself, ?I will never stop loving him; I will just stop showing it?. That night was still fresh on my mind; because that was the night I realize something, NO MATTER HOW NEAR HE WAS TO ME, HE WOULD?NT STILL BE MINE. Till here first, next time, I will be back to share more of my pains. Peace off!

Angelic Soul_08

this is my weird story:)