This boy..

Bianca

I feel like that the world moves on while I stay still. I watch the vibe of people?s happiness and always remember those days I was like that. Foolish children I say to myself. One day they will get it. One day there joys will turn to sorrow because one man, will steal your soul. But like the foolish children I waited to find my man and I never knew the consequences. I adored my man. I was even love shucked when I first meet him. I always wanted my fairy tale and with him, he gave me that opportunity. I don?t know what I was but his charming good looks and finally finding a sensitive guy, he made me feel special. This was where I was a fool. He special games he played in my head and who knows what other trash was behind closed doors. Little things he said made me feel like I could pretend that it didn?t matter because this was my fairy tale and in the end he would give it all up for me, he even promised me that! He was the only first guy I could be myself. I?m not an affectionate woman but it was comfortable with him and that?s when I knew that I feel in love because for once, I didn?t have to think it was all natural. I went to his prom, his house, meet everyone he also loved and adored. With him I got this kick of excitement and life was beautiful. Even though he played me, he would still always be my friend until it hit me. How embarrassing to think him telling everyone about me and telling everyone how he missed me, it was just going to be the same to every other girl he couldn?t have. I did try my very best to get him back. Once we stop talking cause we made a promise when he picks up his shit we can talk and figure it out, foolish I am to find he feel head over heels for another girl. A year was wasted without talking. The only thing I got from this was to learn from my mistakes. I embarrassed myself more having a go at him every day to get him to hurt as much as I did. I did stupid things, it changed me. The worst thing the boy I loved can carry on with his life while I wait and wish I got to carry on with him and be by his side. It?s been now a year and a half and there isn?t a day I don?t miss him. Simple thoughts come into my head like, What is he doing, does he still think about me? I haven?t seen him since everything. I?m even scared to go out sometimes cause one day I might see him. What would I wear? Who would I hang with? Will I have a boyfriend then? He still affects me. I will never forgive him as I?m standing still and the world selfishly moves without a care in the world. I would give it to be the people who get to be happy.