never ready

DB

Started with a Hi whats up? Ended with bitch bye. In the start, everything was just perfect..I thought I knew what perfect meant, what it felt like. The day I found out he liked me I was really happy cause yes I did like him back but 100 questions came into my mind, would this hurt my friends? What should I do? I couldn?t do this to them, so I stopped myself and asked what they thought about it and as always they supported me. As days went by we got closer, talking till 4 in the morning I was comfortable around him we shared all of our pain, our happiness, our retardness. That time I couldn?t be happier, the smile on my face wouldn?t go, I would sit under the stars and think about him. From liking I don?t know where I?d reached, I don?t know where I was, I was lost in him. In school outside every class of mine he?d be there, looking at me, waiting for me to turn around and smile at him. Then, there were no complications he wrote this one thing for me which meant I love you, and I still treasure it, still read it I don?t know it warms my heart. Whenever I saw him around school I?d feel happy, I?d feel complete, everything was perfect?On june 20th he?d ask me to be his forever with the cute smile on his face, it was like everything?d stopped, I cant even express how I felt that moment. But who knew that forever wouldn?t actually last?
I said yes and it suddenly felt like we?d bonded, into one. After a while I hugged him, the first time ever, outside the class G-14. I didn?t wanna let go, I wanted to be there forever and ever. Last days of school, we sat together in classes and talk about anything, fight over who loved who more, and it was the cutest thing ever? I just didn?t want any complications, no complications. But as time came by we started fighting more, and he?d just leave, walk away from me, I?d go to him and say sorry, because he meant everything to me, everything.
Last day of school, last time I would see him in 3 months. I hugged him behind the bus for like 1minute, tears ran down my face, I didn?t wanna leave him, I couldn?t leave him for 3months just couldn?t. The buses were about to leave and I had to say goodbye, hugged him tighter and let him go, he wasn?t letting go of my hand and I didn?t want him to let you either, but it was like I had to? Walking into my bus when I look back and he sends me a flying kiss, and I still remember everything, its clear in my mind.

Those 3 months of summer, he completely changed, I don?t know what happened, we faded off?He didn?t have time for me he started to fight more, we started to fight more, argued on everything but somehow I apologized for everything, He?d flirt with i don't know how many girls over there I bared him, bared everything. We?d inbox all the time but suddenly he didn?t care, didn?t care about my feelings, and I thought that was the worst it could get but I didn?t know what was gonna happen in the next few months? if he didn?t inbox me I?d feel scared for him I?d wonder if he got hurt, if he?s ok, I?d run to my temple and pray for his health, pray for his family I couldn?t see him sad he meant the world to me. Summer was hard for me, I was really sad but it didn?t matter to him, ever? I blinded myself in his love and forgave him for anything, But he called me the bitch in the end, what did I do? I didn?t do anything. He?d always misunderstand, always made me sad and I don?t know he just didn?t care.

First day of school, when he entered, when I saw him the first time the only one thing he said ? Hi? just a hi?he saw me after 3 months and all he said was a Hi, a simple Hi. Next lesson we had I.t, together and I said meet me in i.t, I tried to go as late as possible because I knew he wouldn?t go early and when I went in he still wasn?t there so as the day before I sat next to masaaba. When he came I thought he?d tell me to move but he just saw me and walked away and went and sat at the back, he?d changed and I felt it inside the next lesson he had drama and I had accounting he didn?t even care to talk to me at all he just ignored me, like he did the whole summer.. As lessons went by he didn?t talk to me, then came 2nd last lesson which was media, I saw him and I went like can I talk to you he went like no I don?t want to, he?d become arrogant, he didn?t care about anyone I hated everything. I felt like crying. When it was last lesson and we both were in the same English class I started crying, he ignored me all the time I didn?t know what to do. And he told this girl to tell me he?s sorry. But I didn?t even care anymore, why should I always be the one crying about everything, who does he think he is. After class ended it was hometime and I ran away, sahur came with me and she was trying to stop me from crying. But I didn?t listen to anyone. So he couldn?t find me I went to anissa?s bus and sat there. When busses were about to leave I left her bus and started to walk towards my bus and then I see brad standing outside my bus, I just look back and start walking back, he ran after me and asked me why I was crying, it was like he didn?t understand my feelings or that he was ignoring me. Somehow he did something and he hugged me then we went back. I don?t know what he did just somehow he did some magic and everything was fine.

Everyday we?d have new fights. Over everything. He flirted with every girl, he?d choose other girls over me. One day I went up to him in sports hall and he was sitting next to minty and that time ally was walking with me so I was like hey can we talk? And he said after im done. He choose minty over me, how do you think I?d feel? I just walked away and ally was just standing there. Then after break ended I had to get out of my gorm class to go to my other class and then he saw me and ran after me, he was like what happened and I said nothing I need to go bye. Then he held my hand and said tell me I just let go of it and walked away. Sometimes yes even I get frustrated but its not the first time he was doing that he kept on doing that. I hated to remind him a million times that to stop flirting with others, what could I possibly do. People would come to me and say is he dating ?her? or you? And I was just fed up of hearing that one thing again and again and again, why should I handle all this, I choose him over everyone, over my friends or whoever. When the day he kissed me on my cheek I was so happy, I couldn?t be happier and then on inbox he was like I?ll give you a proper kiss tomorrow but that day just turned out to be a disaster because he did the same thing again, only 2 times in the day we get to spend time together, break time and hometime both the times he was busy with girls, I don?t know I just gave up. I went up to him and shouted out in frustration that its over. I ran off with a glommy face. He came to me and said what was that about? And I was like why don?t you go ask minty doesn?t she know everything. I don?t know why I did that maybe I just loved him and I wanted to give him another chance so I gave him a kiss. I tipy toed and kissed him. I just loved him to much to let him go, to make him sad, I prayed for him everyday.

Was I over-reacting? no, I wasnt. He went out with my bestfriend to a mall and bragged about how it was the best day ever what do I get from all that. and he didn't even bother to say sorry, all he did was blame me for being so insecure. They both didn't tell me what happened that day but when we broke up my bestfriend told me everything and it was corrupted, just corrupted. I dont know what had happened to him, he'd changed completely.

Misunderstandings kept happening between us, but we've been through so much, we both went to eachothers houses and met eachother, when I hugged him I felt amazing, I cant explain the feeling. With him I felt safe, I didnt worry about anything but soon I came to know something that completely changed my life.

He called me arrogant words; Bitch, Whore, Plastic and much more. While I was dating him, did he have any idea how I felt?
was I the only bad one in this relationship? I always prayed for him, always. On new years when he was in India I called him thrice and he didn't even call me once... when I went to the temple I only wished for him to be fine and his family but I got treated like shit and soon everything came to an end, one year is not a joke but now its been 5months we've been aparted and i'm dying inside I have no-one to go to and no-one here who understands my pain...