My Life

mayflower

I don't know how exactly to start out the story so i guess ill start of with the first sad thing?

I was born into this world with a heart condition called I.H.S.S. I can't play any sports, i can't get too mad. My heart rate can't too high or i could die. I can't do many things actually. I can't work out too much and i can't eat many sweets. I found this out when i was 8. I ran to my mom saying i wanted to play a sport. I don't remember what it was, but I've always wanted to play softball. She told me i couldn't. I asked why, and, well, there's the answer.

Along with a heart condition, I was born with a gene to be very overweight. I was adopted, and i didn't know that 'til i was about 11. And you know, when your a kid you eat lots of candy. Gladly i got rid of the fat. I don't exactly know how, but i did. It made/makes it worse that i'm extremely picky also. I don't eat any fruit or vegetables, i don't eat applesauce, I'm not the most healthy person you would know.

My Birth mother died because of being too overweight. My birthday was/is a mystery. No one knew who he was. It was a one-night stand. They were drunk. 9 months later? here i am.

When i was about 4, me and my adoption family lived in Florida. My dad, uncle, and cousin were playing pool. My cousin popped the ball and it hit me in the eye. There's my first black eye. Afterwards, My cousin wanted to apologize, so he took me into the other room, laid me down and pulled off my one-piece bathing suit. He spread my legs and pulled down his pants. And, well.. you get the rest. I didn't know what was happening obviously, so i didn't say anything.

My mom and dad had an argument, and they divorced. We moved to NC. I haven't had a real dad in 9 years. My mom has to be the dad in the house. She always was. The only memory i have of my dad being around was the one day that was one of my worst.

After 5 years of being in one city, we moved to another. I had to leave my best friend for the first time. for about 3 years i tried to contact her. I though about her everyday. Cried myself to sleep, begged my mom to take me back. All i wanted was to see my best friend. Then one day i saw on the news "car crash-6 year old Katie killed". My best friend was killed by her drunken father.

About a year after that, i made some new friends. I did, not knowing how. Well, one of my new best friends had killed herself. she was about 2 years older than me at the time. All i knew what to do was to cry. So i did. I cried all night, the next night and for about the next 2-4 days.

Then, about 2 years later, another one of my best friends committed suicide. along with another a year later. All of these deaths coming along with nothing prepared. Life never prepares you for anything.

After all the suicides, i started to think about it. I tried and tried. I cut, i choked, i did everything i could but somehow im still here. I got sent to holly hill. When i came back, i sat in my room all the time. i only came out to eat, which was barely ever. i stopped eating. i ate about a bag of chips a week. i drank milk with alcohol mixed in a lot. Not to the point were i was an alcoholic though.

I finally stopped and carried on, and finally got a boyfriend. i was with him for a year. But, in the 4th month, he told me he loved me. I loved him. then he started to beat me, when he found me talking to some of my guy friends. Then by the end of our relationship he told me he didn't want me, he didn't love me anymore and he cheated on me with 4 other girls. That's when i started back.

I finally got to the point where i was sick of everything. i didn't talk to anyone. I didn't look at anyone. Only 2 people i would talk to was my best friend and my mom. Only 2 i could trust. Then, my best friend and me got into an argument. Because of that argument we didn't talk for a year.

We made up after me trying to talk to her for a year and were still best friends. But then, i moved again. So, i can't see her anymore. Once again, i have left my best friend.

My mom and my brother would always fight. They fight at least everyday. My brother has threatened to kill himself, and almost did by a drug overdose. My mom has called the police because she was so scared of my brother killing her or hurting her. My brother has ran away for about a week but came back. School mornings, we would always have a fight. Either me and my mom, my mom and my brother, me and my brother, or all of us. I would always go to school on the urge of tears until i finally got used to it. but then they started breaking things. i cringed hearing the beating of the hammer smashing against things. Boom. Boom! Boom! over and over.

But then it got worse. my mom wanted to leave. she started to cry, which she never does. i haven't seen her cry in 5-7 years. My mom is a happy person usually. She started packing and let me and my brother alone at our house for about 2 days with only macaroni to eat and water to drink. She finally came back. I saw her, and literally begged her never to leave again. My mom is all i have in this world. i don't have anyone else. No one but a pencil and paper. So once again, i live behind makeup and fake smiles.