Time heals nothing!

little heart

The weird thing about me is that I have this huge amount of anger inside me that I can't seem to get rid of.. though I keep it all in..there were times when I would snap ..just like that with no triggers or anything of that kind?.i would be lying if I said I don't know the cause of that anger.. I would be a damned liar! Just like your perfect lying?
Hey my stranger, you added to my anger.. tons even?cause although I didn?t trust you enough .. I believed you to be a kind person?one with a heart of whiteness?. But you know what? ? I am not stupid as you think me to be .. I had this nagging feeling that this day would come.. ! it just came sooner than I expected !
Does it seem stupid to you that I am talking to you on this piece of electronic paper??? Well. I have to or else my anger will take over me and I will be lost .. so I am doing it for my sake not yours.. this time I won't be sending it to you.. not now ..not tomorrow ?
I would always ask myself what is it that I saw in you?? You were not good looking at all! In fact you looked horrible.. nothing like other young men .. you were skinny .. you had bags under your eyes making you look scarier .. you didn?t know how to match a shirt with a trouser and a boot .. you didn?t have a nice physique..it's the exact opposite.. but knowing myself I never gave a shit about looks ..!
I just thought we had this connection.. were they also lies.. the secrets you would tell me ???
Oh ! how I wished to believe you for just one little time..you know ..why I didn?t react when you told me the last two big secrets of you??? Cause who could blame me fighting with myself trying to believe you but not being totally convinced .. no .. I am not saying you were a bad guy?. I am saying that you were a liar ! a total jerk!
If I was heartbroken ? or if I am now.. I can't tell ? maybe the connection between my heart and mind is really broken .. never registered my feelings.. but what I can tell is that I am really depressed .. do u know how it feels ?? ! like I am not breathing properly .. and there is this tightness where my heart is supposed to be !
Oh ,, you may be wondering like you did in the last chat we had.. do I really love you??? Did I ??? I told you the connection between my heart and mind is broken.. but this is for you to find.. simply .. I gave up on love long time ago!
The day I discovered your pretty lies was very ordinary to me .. but you see ? the night before I had an endless nightmare ..you were there and I wasn?t happy with you at all? I guess it was a sign? so I wasn?t surprised .. more likely I was disappointed ..you make me want to vomit just like your other friends.. you are sick people..all of you disgust me to the point that my stomach feels sick ??..
And here you would question me : don?t you regret meeting me ?????? do you know my dear stranger-liar what my answer will be??? The same: no..
If you didn?t change at all then why should I ?????
We make a great pair don?t we??? Hahahahahahh ? and here the play ends o black soul!