eternal love

F

My story starts 14 years ago, as a 12 year old i did not really know what love was, but i had a rough idea at that age i started to have a crush on one of my fellow class mate in school,
he was tall for his age and had jet black hair he wore glasses,and was very smart and cute i really fancied him a lot and i shared this with my friend at the time,and they fancied him too well they would he was the only cute one of the lot of boys in our class.
i fancied him for a very long time i did not like school but i went everyday just to see him and sometimes once in a blue moon he would talk to me and i would have butterflies in my stomach and shivers all over.
Sadly my love experience was short lived,my family decided to leave the country and move to London,i came here in 1998 and lived life normally studied hard tried everything to forget him,but it was not to be i felt there was something wrong with me,i thought that it was a crush and it should have been over it was not.
I finally decided in 2004/05 to do something about it, and i did i asked my sister to go to my old school and look for him so i could confess my love to him and maybe move on or see if it could go further,my sister went to the school and as she was there she met him on the same day at the same time he was there,it was like fate wanted us to be together and she exchanged our numbers we were finally in touch.
The first time we spoke was so great i told him that i was in love with him since i was 12 and he could not believe it,that i went through so much just to find him and tell him,i wanted him to know it was important, so we spoke and we got closer he fell in love with me and my love for him was very deep to start off with,but i got to know the man i loved more than my life little did i know what was going on behind my back.
It was a surprise to find out that my family had arranged my marriage to some one else,and i had no choice but to accept their decision as i was raised in a family where i was to obey my parents,and i could not do anything,so i had to agree to what they wanted for me .
I remember telling him about it and he was not very happy until one day he came online,and we started to chat and he told me that he loved me a lot and that he wanted to marry me,i died that day as i knew i could not do anything to be with him,i knew backing out would hurt my family's pride,he tried everything to make me do something so we could be together he even got his best friend to talk to me,but there was nothing i could do so i told him the truth there was nothing i could do,that was that i went and got married.
My married life was not good as i did not love my husband,i was tied down i felt dead but during the 4 long years that i was married there was not a day i did not think about him or worry if he was okay as after everything i did to find him i had hurt him a lot,caused him pain the pain of losing someone he loved. my marriage slowly broke down as i was in the wrong relationship one made just to make my family happy,finally i decided i have to do something i made my family happy now it is time to make myself happy i got out of it.
I know started to search for my true love again and finally after months of searching i found him on Facebook i requested friendship with him and he accepted,we chatted and than he gave me his number i spoke to him and told him the situation that i was divorced i had a kid from my marriage,and that i was sorry to hurt him and i still loved him with all my heart,and that i wanted to be with him and only him,i also told him to speak to his family and if they agree we will be happy but if not than i would go away never to return.
Well he spoke to his mother and she was a bit worried as taking on someone's child is a big thing it is not easy and i am an intelligent woman i can understand that,so i had to do what i promised i only had one wish and that was to see him one last time for real as the last time i saw him was in 1998.
I went all the way to my country and texted him everyday thinking he would com, and that i would live all my life with that moment locked in my heart,but he did not come that's when i knew i was dead,dead once than raised and then dead and then raised but now my death is for always,i came back to London and tried to forget once more he sent me messages asking if i was okay i did not answer as it was too painful for me to know him but never be with him,and time passed than after a year i went back on Facebook after a few days i got a message from him asking me how i was i replied knowing in my heart you are asking me how i am knowing i love you and always will and having to live without you,you tell me how do you think i am but i wrote I'm well how are you.
Love is a hard thing for me i have had my share of people being in love with me,but i gave my heart to him and no one else he is always in my heart he might not know it but,i know so i can never cheat on my love.
I have decided if i cannot be with him than i will not be with anyone i belong to him for eternity.
He may not be mine he may love another,he may have a relationship with someone else,but i will not i will be true to him always,i wish things could be different but they are not,but honestly i can lie to the world,but not to my heart and he lives in my heart.
My story does not have an end as this life and we don?t know what is at the next turn,i can hope that fate will bring us together again or end this story,i prefer to keep the ending open who knows what will be.
FOR R I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW YOU LIVE IN MY HEART