Evelyn Marie

Tasha Johnson

It was August 2009 and my boyfriend Cody was on con-leave after graduating basic training, and breaking his leg. 28 day he would be home for and sometime in those last 5 days before he would leave for 17 weeks I got pregnant. We were apart for 3 months when he came home to visit, just in time for my ultrasound. A girl, we were having a girl, Evelyn Marie Johnson. We had been talking about baby names since before he had left for basic. Evelyn, so simple, so elegant, so beautiful, and kind of old fashion. Evelyn, my daughter. My love, if you don't have never been pregnant you can't imagine how a love like this feels. It fills you up in every way. Every kick, every roll, every hiccup magic that makes your heart leap with joy. I was 18 weeks pregnant when they told me baby was no longer just baby, she was Evelyn Marie. I was 20 weeks pregnant when I had to have my gall bladder removed. Cody was back in Missouri for tech school and couldn't be with me. Stressful but I made it through it and Jan 10, 2010 I felt Evelyn's first kick, and cried. 3 1/2 weeks later Cody graduated tech school and was going to be home until February 22, when would go to his first base, Altus AFB, ok. In the few weeks he had to be home we both stayed at his moms house in Dallas, TX. On February 16 we drove down to San Antonio, TX for my doctors appt and everything looked great. February 18 I noticed Evelyn wasn't moving and at about 7 pm I finally felt one kick, one small kick. However the next day I felt nothing. February 21, back in San Antonio, I still felt no kicks and went to the hospital. Terrified, Cody and I tried distracting ourselves by playing scrabble on his phone. A nurse came in to locate the heart beat but was having difficulties so decided to do an ultrasound. She sat in front of me so I couldn't see and Cody didn't know what to look for. She told me nothing. An ultrasound tech came in about 30 minutes later to do another ultrasound to record for the doctor to see. they told me it could take an hour to know something, when a doctor than walked in and asked to see it. After watching it she told, in a voice so cold I got chills, "I'm going to tell you what I'm sure you have already guessed, and that is your baby has died." DIED!!! Not passed away or any sugar coating DIED! Cody started crying and I was just in shock. She than told me since I was 26 weeks pregnant that I would have to deliver Evelyn. They said they would induce me in the morning. Still not crying I called my mom. When she answered I tried to speck but started hyperventilating instead and began to cry harder than I ever though possible. Cody's family arrived when I finally stopped crying and had hit a vegetated state. The doctors moved me into a room. They gave me some drugs to knock me out but would take a half hour to do so. I didn't know what to do or say so I watched tv, but not really. I flipped through the channels trying not to think until I passed out. 9 am February 22 they began the induction process and 7:47 pm I gave birth to Evelyn. I didn't understand it, why was she so warm, and why was her nose bleeding, why wouldn't she just wake up!!! WHY WOULDN'T SHE CRY!!?? I held her, 13 1/4 inches long, 1 lb 8.4 oz. The doctors found nothing wrong with her in fact they said she was perfect. When I asked why a perfect looking baby passes away in the womb when I am only 21 years old and relatively healthy they told me... Bad luck