I feel like I'm losing you...

Anonymous

I wish you could see how i really feel on the inside, instead of believing all the lies that I?ve been telling you, not only you, actually everyone, including myself...

Why can?t you see how I feel? Don?t you get it? I wish I just could tell you the truth, how I really feel about you. I don?t want to hide it anymore or pretend that those feelings for you aren?t there. But I feel that you?re lying about something, or at least not telling me the whole truth. We are best friends, and you?re the only one that I can truly be myself with. But I feel like we are growing apart. You don?t talk to me as much as you used to. You don?t touch me or cuddle with me as much as you used to. Everything has changed now. Now, it seems like you don?t even want to be with me, you don?t even look at me. Everyone told me you liked me, I guess I didn?t want to believe, but deep inside of me I knew that it was true. Now, I?m not sure anymore, I not sure if you even like me as your friend. I don?t feel like I?m your best friend anymore, I don?t even feel that you trust me enough to tell me yours problems. You?ve found a new friend. One you tell everything to, one you say you care about. You say that you care about me too, but I don?t feel like you really do it, it feels more like you just say it because you feel that you have to since we are friends. I mean, that new friend of yours, she can be really nice and kind, but is she better than me? Do you prefer her? You say that you don?t, you say that I?m your closest friend, the first girl on your list, but is this true? Or are you just telling met his just to make me feel good? Am I really that special? I don?t think so, it doesn?t really feel that way either. I don?t want to lose you, not now, not ever. I want you to be my friend forever; I want you to be with me forever. But do you want that too? Do you want all those things with me? Or do you want them with her? I asked you if you liked her. I was begging on the inside that you answer ?no?, but when you said ?I don?t know?, I felt like someone literary ripped my heart of my chest. That feeling was horrible, and for that moment on, I hated your new friend. I don?t even know her, I?ve never seen her in real life, but all I know is that I don?t like her, I don?t like her at all. I like you, can?t you see that? Is that really so hard to figure it out? I thought I was being pretty obvious about it, but it seems like you?re the only person in the whole wide world who doesn?t see that. I like you, like a lot. At first I didn?t want to realize it, everybody else told me so, but I always denied it. But I?ve given up pretending, and now I can finally accept that I do have feelings for you, even though you may have feelings for another girl. And that makes me so angry, so jealous. And not only that, since I?m your best friend I have to hear you talk about her, and how ?awesome? she is. Can?t you see that it hurts? And I mean, really hurts. My head is spinning, my heart is broken in thousand pieces, and I?m trying to put them together, but I can?t find the right places, they just won?t fit, they won?t find their way back to becoming a whole heart again. A little bit inside of me dies every time you talk about her, about how great she is, and how she is such a good friend for you. But a whole part of me fell apart when you referred to her as you ?best friend?. I couldn?t believe my ears, I just wanted to find a cave and hide there, where no one could ever find me, where no one could ever see how broken I was. I know that our love is impossible. Well, you can?t really call it our love; it?s more like my love for you, or at least my feelings for you. Feelings that are mixed up into this huge balloon that is about to explode. And I?m sure that it will explode soon, because I can?t take it anymore, o it?s more like I won?t take it anymore, I refused to. I am an independent girl, soon to become a woman; I can?t go around all day thinking bad about myself, can I? Well, it?s not like I choose to. Actually, I do choose it, but in an indirectly way. I don?t really think about it. I can?t help it. But will I ever be brave enough to tell you all these things that wonder through my mind every single day? I guess we don?t know the answer yet, all though, I think we all know....we all know that I will never be able to tell you the truth.

I don't really know what to do, I don't know if I should tell him how I really feel and risk our friendship, or just keep pretending that everything is alright....