Two hearts...Goth love

MadameSophie

...well I'll be starting from when he came to Portugal.
A Brazilian boy, named Gustavo. he was then 24 years...and he came there to work and near his family. He started to live with a cousin, and later one, he moved to his aunt's home: Maria.
I won't be describing how we met, 'cause it was just so casual...and we just felt nothing at all. As time went by, he became kind of interested on me...I guess.Yes, I just could guess 'cause due to my lack of experience with 16 years...i just could be innocently in love, though with 16 we just like to flirt and know new people.
...Time went by....I could still guess i was in love...
He showed nothing.I showed I loved him. Like a lill'girl...but I did.
He always respected me.he didn't played with my heart.ever.
I never saw he felt the same thing 4 me...so,I met Francisco..my 1s boyfriend...and then when i got into the university we broke up, cause i knew Nelson.
Gustavo and me were always the best friends ever. Sometimes e kept wonder if he ever felt something for me. Sometimes i tried to ask him indirectly, but he pretended he didn't understand it and he would say a thing about that.

He also had his girlfriends...
Then I met Jesus. I felt in love with him since the 1st times we did thing together...sometimes, just because we just wanted to be together...we could spend all the evening and night with some movies...but in fact we were just talking and talking while the movie went on...

Jesus was a Spanish boy,he came to my school in erasmus. I thought my parents would yell at me if they knew i was with someone from another country and with the idea of moving maybe to Spain someday.
We were happy....we can say we were, though we were just together once each month. I finished my studies,he came to my academic party without my parents knowing who he was.Gustavo was there too with his girlfriend Catarina.

Everything was so perfect.
then my parents discovered Jesus was my boyfriend, but they accepted the idea very well.

The same year i finished my studies,i moved to Spain.
I really thought it could be much easier...and as time went by...i missed my friends, my parents,my room...it was getting so sad. Admitting that it isn't so easy for me to make friends in another country.

December,2010: Catarina breaks up with Gustavo. all my thoughts were on him that moment. He was just so sad. He was living with her, and he just had to move again to his aunt's house...That was his black Era. I felt so sorry for him...

Though we were just friends...we felt closer since that moment.
there was no other person I'd like to be but him...and someday he just told me: ''i always tried to hide it from me...but this time i can't'. I couldn't say a thing.I always wanted him...
I could share any moment of my life with him...that is when i realize that my life has two ways. But i always thought about letting it for tomorrow.

I was living in Spain, but more and more...I asked to myself so much different questions. I didn't know if i was ready to assume some kind of relation like this one with jesus. living with him meant...choosing him 4 my all my life, having children and so ond...was I ready? I feared it. And I still fear.

Gustavo and me were closer and closer. I felt like I was living some movie. When i came to Portugal, I just wanted to be with him.

Suddenly...a fatality happened: Aunt Maria died. Gustavo felt so lonely...and I felt so bad by not being at his side in that moment...

Since that moment things were more intense than ever. I had him 4 me like i always wanted to.

I felt so happy...i felt he was the love of my life.

My parents started to notice something strange between us...

and my mom obliged me to tell what's was going on...

I couldn't scape...neither from her, neither from telling it too to Jesus. So i did it...

I told the truth. I'm feeling so bad.
My boy didn't abandoned me. He understands it, but he wants to know which way I'll choose.

I feel lost.
My parents are very angry with me.I just don't know what to do...
I fear to follow my heart...and I fear to loose to perfect person...'cause in fact that's what I'm trying to find out.

Jesus is a prince with a good heart:I feel secure, and i know he gives me strength when I'm upset...

But Gustavo was always the one. Now...more than ever ...I fear to loose him...I fear to make a bad choice...

Please help me...I'm so lost. If i loose Jesus i fear the moment when i realize the one was just him. I know he won't wait forever for my decision...

now, more than ever...i fear to make a bad choice...i fear my parent's words...and i fear to change my life...